January 16

Wisdom for Today
In submitting my character defects to my Higher Power, I developed hope. I began to feel that my life no longer had to be lived by the old rules. This sense of hope was much like I had experienced when I first came into the program. When I first got clean and sober, I saw other people making it. I saw the old timers, who had longer-term recovery. When I listened to their stories, I began to feel, “If they can make it, so can I.” I began to see that they had managed to let go of the old rules and old behavior. I thought that I had a chance to do this also.
What I found out was letting go of my defects was much like letting go of alcohol and drugs, only harder. This was true probably because many of these attitudes, behaviors and beliefs had been with me much longer, and because some of them I simply enjoyed. But if I wanted to gain a true sense of character, then I would have to stop acting like a defect. I also needed to look for progress and not perfection. My defects of character did not simply disappear because I said a prayer; I had to put into action what my Higher Power wanted for me. Slowly, over time, my defects of character became less and less problematic. My hope that I could be rid of the old rules strengthened. Do I have a strong grasp on hope?
Meditations for the Heart
In God’s world there is perfect hope and perfect harmony. Yet in this physical world I have come to realize that I can never have perfect hope or perfect harmony with my Higher Power. Life in recovery is not so much about being better, but about becoming better. Sometimes I have felt that God has let me down. I have seen others in the program and myself want to blame our failures on God. “He let me down.” But the truth is that God does not fail. It is because we are not in harmony with our Higher Power that we fail. I have had to accept the fact that sometimes I fail. In these times I need to seek to get back into harmony with God. Back to basics, if I am to become better! I need to work to stay in harmony with my Higher Power. Am I working to stay in harmony with my Higher Power?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today is a new day, and again You have gifted me with a clean and sober start to my day. Help me this day to strive for harmony with You. Let me take one thing at a time as I walk through this day. Help me to become better in all that I do. Let me this day work at letting go of the old rules and live by Your new rules for my life.
Amen.

January 17

Wisdom for Today
One of the slogans you hear early on in the program is, "Easy does it." I needed this slogan alot in the beginning of my recovery, but had no idea how important it would become in addressing my character defects. As an addict and alcoholic I was used to doing everything in excess. I drank too much and got high too often. I built up a lot of resentments, worries, and confusion. My excess hurt me physically and mentally. My excess also had a lot to do with my defects.
Many of my defects were because I had taken things to an extreme. Fear is a healthy reaction when a threat is present. But when fear is taken to an extreme and it controls your every decision, fear becomes unhealthy. My fear became paranoia and controlled much of my life. Self-confidence is a good thing; but when it is exaggerated and becomes grandiosity and arrogance, it also becomes unhealthy. Being care free can be a good thing until it is taken to the extreme of carelessness. I needed to learn easy does it when it came to my defects. I had to work on them one at a time and not try to fix all of them at once. I had to slow down and think before I reacted. I had to stop and ask myself if my actions and behavior were appropriate in every situation. Have I learned to take it easy in addressing my defects?
Meditations for the Heart
I also learned that I had to "be" before I could "do". If I wanted to "be" a person of character, then I had to do the work of becoming honest, humble, trusting, and caring if I ever wanted to "do" things that showed I had good character. If I wanted to accomplish much, I had to be much. Who I was affected everything I did in life. If I wanted to "be" a good father, or "be" a good employee, then I had much I needed to change in who I was. Only then would I be able to "do" those things. If I was going to change who I was, I would need help. This is where my Higher Power would come in. In order to do the things that I valued, then I would need my Higher Power's help to "be" what He wanted me to "be." To become a new me was a lot of what needed to happen in my life. Have I asked God for help to "be" what He wants me to be?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Teach me this day to be who you want me to be. Let me take each moment and cherish what you give me. Help me to slow down and "easy does it" when I need to. Lead me through this day as I am given opportunity to change who I am.
Amen

January 18

Wisdom for Today
Sometimes you hear the same things over and over again at meetings. I often have wondered if I was learning anything new after awhile. Then, on the 963rd time I hear something, it clicks. It finally makes sense; it becomes something I can use. These are the moments of spiritual awakening. God seems to work much like this as well. He reveals to me over and over again, my defects of character. He shows me myself and helps me see how I turn my life over to dishonesty, ego, fear, expectations, rage, loneliness, and many other powers. I can let these powers take over my life and corrupt my will.
This is why we turn our will and our life over to His care. Left to our own devices, even clean and sober we can mess it all up. When our defects have been revealed to us enough times and they become painful enough, we ask God to remove them from our lives. We do not need to chase after the answers, God will bring them to us. In the Bible it says, "Be still, and know that I am God." It doesn't say run around like crazy and you will know God. Defects of character are resistant to change. Yet, if we are still, God will bring us the answers. Do I recognize when God brings me an answer?
Meditations for the Heart
Laughter is good medicine. One of the greatest blessings in recovery is the return of genuine laughter. Being able to laugh at ourselves and the insanity of our disease can bring healing to a troubled heart. When I slow down long enough to really think about some of the crazy things I did or that happened to me, I can't help but laugh about them now. At the time, some of these things were very painful or even stupid. Yet, as I have moved along in my recovery process, I have found that I can now laugh about these same events. One of the promises in the AA Big Book is that "we will not regret the past..." It is much nicer to get to a point when we can laugh at ourselves. Has laughter returned to my life?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today is a day that I know you again will teach me if I only open my mind and listen to your directions. Help me to do just that and to seek you out in all I do. Create in me a new perspective on life and help me to again laugh. Let me celebrate this day and all that is in it.
` Amen

January 19

Wisdom for Today
Lack of awareness was another one of my shortcomings. The reality was that I had little or no awareness of how my behavior affected other people. I had been so wrapped up in my own self-centeredness that I just could not see what was happening. It was not just how my behavior affected others that I was missing, but also self-awareness. I had no idea how I really felt. I knew I felt good when people were leaving me alone, and I felt bad when I was being hassled. But as for my emotions, I had no idea what made me happy. I had lost touch with sadness, fear, anger, shame and hurt feelings. Everything was either good or bad.
As I began to come out of the fog, I began to see things for the first time. Anger was probably the first emotion I got in touch with. I was angry I had to go to all those meetings. I was angry that I couldn’t do things my way. I was angry I had this disease. As my anger subsided, I got in touch with other emotions – fear, sadness and shame. I began to see how my behavior was affecting others. I began to realize more and more that I had to change if I was ever going to stay in recovery. As I started to put others into the equation of life, my self-centeredness began to slip away. With regular inventory of myself I began to gain better understanding of my emotional responses. I began to see how my thinking, attitudes and behaviors had a lot to do with how I felt. Am I becoming more aware of my actions, my emotions and myself?
Meditations for the Heart
In the program I began to see that those who reached out to me were able to help because they truly understood what I was going through. They had been through many of the same things I was going through. It was one addict or alcoholic helping another. It was their understanding that allowed them to help me. As I hung around the program longer, I began to see that this was also true of my Higher Power. God was able to help me, not just because He was more powerful than I was, but also because He understood. I am not saying that God is an addict or an alcoholic, but He certainly understands pain, fear, sadness, anger and all the other emotions I experience. God also understands joy, serenity and peace of mind. These are things that I had to learn about from God and others. Today awareness is not always easy, but it is real, and I know I can deal with it. Do I reach out to others because I understand them?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today is a new day, and I do not yet know what this day will bring. Regardless of what cards may be dealt to me this day, I will work to remain aware of my choices. Help me this day to remain aware of my thinking, attitudes and behaviors. Give me courage to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. Let me always be understanding of the needs of others.
Amen.

January 20

Wisdom for Today
When I was drinking and using drugs, I spent time telling stories about myself. I always was attempting to build myself up as “Mr. Wonderful.” I hung out with people who were in worse shape than I was so that I could feel I was better than others. But the reality of my life was that I was not better. In fact, these lies about myself were told because I knew deep down I had not amounted to anything. Many of these lies I told so often that I even started to believe them myself. In my denial I became more and more defensive. I could not admit to myself or anyone else that I actually felt like I was inferior to others.
In early recovery, I continued to have this inferiority complex. I would sit in meetings and plan out what I was going to say when it was my turn to speak. I wanted to sound like I knew what I was doing. This defect in my character was actually getting in the way of my recovery. It fed my dishonesty, and it built a wall between my Higher Power and myself. It was keeping me from benefiting from the program. It is hard to swallow our pride and admit that we don’t know what we are doing. It is hard to get honest and admit it is all a show. Yet God will reveal this defect again and again until we become ready to genuinely ask for help. Am I still hiding my true self from others?
Meditations for the Heart
God thinks about me all the time. If He were ever to stop thinking about me, I would cease to exist. In recovery I need to train myself to think about God and what His will for me is in all that I do. I know that there is no way that I will ever be able to keep God in my thoughts all the time, but fortunately God will not cease to exist if I stop thinking about Him. He is constant and unchanging. Yet if I am to grow, I need to practice this conscious contact with my Higher Power. Each time I focus on the spiritual aspects of my recovery, I grow. This is now my job description – to focus on the spiritual aspects of my recovery. This is what will bring meaning to my life and who I am. Am I growing in spiritual stature?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You more than anyone know the true me. You know the very workings of my heart. This day help me to be true to myself and true to You. I am convinced that in order to have true meaning in my life, I must continue to focus on You and what it is that You want for me.
Amen.

January 21

Wisdom for Today
Often times I am pleasantly surprised to hear from someone in the fellowship that something I said helped him or her. It is one sign that one of my past character defects has improved. There was a time when my selfishness and self-centeredness would not allow me to even care about others. I was so wrapped up in my disease and myself that I didn’t even bother to think of others and what I might do to be charitable.
Being charitable means that I genuinely want to help others. Sometimes, I reach out and offer what I can to help other addicts and alcoholics. Frequently I have no idea whether my help was of any benefit or not. This is not important, because even when it looks like I have failed, I know that a seed has been planted. God will determine what happens to that seed. What happens to the seed is not important; what is important is the fact that I have grown in my attempts to help others. I benefit from this. Still it is nice to hear from others, once in a while, that something I said or did helped them. Am I developing a charitable heart?
Meditations for the Heart
Early in recovery I had a very closed mind. My thinking was rigid, and I always seemed to want to be right. My mind and my thinking were both locked into a box. As I began to open my heart and mind up in the recovery process, I began to wonder what was outside of the box. My ways did not work. I needed to begin to think outside of the box in order to find the answers I needed. This thinking outside of the box helped me to see a Higher Intelligence in the universe. I did not have all the answers. None of the people in the program did either. But each of us in unison and harmony with a Higher Intelligence has found answers we could not have found on our own. Do I think outside of the box?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
One day at a time is how You help me to grow spiritually. Help me this day to use the rain you provide in my life for growth. Let me use the sunshine You provide to warm my heart. Help me to be of a charitable mind today. Let me seek Your Higher Intelligence.
Amen.

January 22

Wisdom for Today
I used to be a real show off, and I acted like a real know-it-all. I really tried to impress people a lot. I would show off and drink one shot after another to impress people. When I was using drugs, I would cut myself a bigger line than everybody else. I also would talk and talk about things I really didn't know much about but somehow would manage to lie my way through each story. I acted like a big shot and would buy other people drinks or turn people on so that they thought I was doing okay financially. I did all these things and more for two reasons. One was to bolster my own denial system; if I pretended hard enough, then even I might start to believe my own games. The other reason was to try and prove to others that I really amounted to something.
The reality was that I wasn't selling this game to anyone, not the people I tried to impress and certainly not myself. I was a loser and didn't fool anyone. Even in recovery I have a tendency to get a big ego. I spent time in early recovery trying to make myself look good to others. But it was still a game. This defect of character can be dangerous because I might get a big head and then even think I am smart enough or cool enough that I can drink or use again. Can I afford to get a swelled ego in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
Grasping that which is spiritual is not something you can do with your mind. God is beyond all our understanding. We can only grasp pieces of understanding with our mind. We cannot grasp an understanding of God with our hearts. He is beyond our emotional understanding; we can only try to make of Him what we want Him to be. In fact, the only understanding we can truly have comes through faith. It is God who helps us understand Who He is. My Higher Power reveals Himself to me. I do not need to go looking for Him. He comes to me in my prayer and meditation. He comes to me in and through other people. He comes to me through many of the things I read. I don't go looking for a Higher Power; God comes looking for me. All I have to do is let Him find me. Am I still trying to find a Higher Power; or have I decided to let God, as I understand Him, come looking for me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I see You in the shadows of life and in the brightness of my days. You are all around me and always have been. It was I who was hiding, not You. Walk with me on my journey today. Help me to find and keep humility in my thoughts, words and deeds today. Teach me about Who You are, so that my simple understanding will grow along with my faith.
Amen.

January 23

Wisdom for Today
Sometimes, it seems that one thing after another goes wrong, even in recovery. It is at times like this when I am most likely to let my character defects come out to play. When things aren't going well and I seem to have lost my spiritual equilibrium, I seem to look to my old behaviors to cope with the situations. What I have learned is there is no problem I have currently that I can't make worse. Early in my recovery, it was times like this that I thought about drinking or using. After I figured out how to stay clean and sober, I could screw things up just as bad with my old behavior.
It is in these times, that it becomes especially important for me to rely on my Higher Power. When I rely on my own power I quickly get into old and unhealthy thinking. I am capable of making poor choices and react to life rather than respond to things in a healthy manner. I have come to accept that I will never get this perfectly right. I just want to make progress. I cannot do this on my own. So when things get rough, I stop, and I ask for help. My way doesn't work. I know and trust that my Higher Power's way will work better. Do I ask for help when I need too?
Meditations for the Heart
Sometimes the road to recovery seems long and hard. I need to rest along the way and know God will give me the rest I need. The problem is that I have a hard time getting back up to continue my journey. I remember hearing someone say at a meeting one time, "If I have one more growth experience, I am going to kill myself." I know just how that person was feeling. Particularly in dealing with character defects, the road seems long. I still think like an addict sometimes and want immediate gratification. Yet, I know the easier, quicker way does not provide lasting results. I know I have to get back up and continue on the path that my Higher Power sets before me. When God says it is time to continue the journey, do I want to procrastinate?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I know that recovery is not always easy. In fact, sometimes it seems downright difficult. It is in these times that I need You most. Lead me onward, give me rest when I need it, and inspire me to get back up and continue the journey when You want me to. Help me to understand that even in the difficult days I sometimes face, You are always with me.
Amen

January 24

Wisdom for Today
We are fortunate to live in a day and age when alcoholism and drug addiction is recognized as an illness. It was not always like this. Addicts and alcoholics used to be looked at with ridicule and shamed for having a disease. It probably will never be a perfect world for us, and we still have many battles to fight, so that those who need help can get it. But, the alcoholic and addict sure have a much better shot at recovery now than in years gone by.
None of this would have been possible, if it were not for a few individuals who got together and decided to help each other. The genius of the program is that these people actually took the time to write it down and pass it on to others. Because of what these individuals did, I have a shot at recovery. I know that I could not have done it on my own. The founders of the program were not attempting to help to start a movement; they just wanted to find a way out of the insanity. Am I grateful for what these individuals have done for me?
Meditations for the Heart
“It works if you work it.” That’s right; it takes work. If we are to recover, we must put effort into it. The good news is that God will bless our efforts. This does not always happen in the way in which we would expect it to happen. It also does not always happen as quickly as we might want it to. But I am convinced that it does happen. Recovery is not about sitting back and waiting for a miracle. It takes work. God directs our efforts; sometimes it seems that He directs us against the flow. It seems like we are attempting to paddle upstream. Yet, at each stop along our journey, we are given rest and we are blessed for our efforts. Effort and blessing is an important part of spiritual harmony. They exist together. Am I putting effort into the work of recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I am truly blessed by You. This day I remember in gratitude all the addicts and alcoholics that have gone before me to blaze a trail. Give me strength for this day that I may do the work of recovery. Give me courage so that I may follow Your lead. Help me this day to remember to pray for those who still need to find this program.
Amen

January 25

Wisdom for Today
I used to say that I was grateful that I found the program. But as my concept and understanding of my Higher Power has changed and grown, I now say that I am glad that the program found me. Yes, I was the one who walked through the doors for the first time, but I have watched others walk through the door only to turn around and not come back. Why is it that I stayed and they left? What was it about the words I heard that kept me coming back?
When you stop and think about it, most alcoholics and addicts never get help. They either end up going crazy, locked-up or dead. Why is it that I was given a chance at recovery? Why is it that my faith in a Higher Power was renewed? Why is it that I have been able to find happiness and contentment and others do not? Many of these questions I will never be able to answer fully. But I have come to believe that my recovery has had more to do with the program finding me than my finding the program? Am I grateful to have been found?
Meditations for the Heart
Sometimes I get so hurried in life that I lose track of what is important. God can work better in me if I just slow down. If I slow down and quietly move from one task to the next taking time to pray in between, I find that I actually get more things done. I know this sounds contradictory, but it is one of the paradoxes of recovery and life itself. If I venture often into the realm of the Spirit, I am given new strength and guidance. I find that I don’t complicate things, and I get more done. All work that I do while resting in God’s arms is good. Am I finding that I can do many things through my Higher Power?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I am only now beginning to understand Your grace. The song, Amazing Grace, says, “I once was lost but now am found.” These words really do make sense to me now. I am glad and am humbled by what I see happen in my life and the lives of all who are found in the program. Help me this day to slow down and venture often into the realm of Your Spirit. Give me the strength for this new day.
Amen.

January 26

Wisdom for Today
There is an old Rolling Stone's song, "I can't get no – satisfaction." I used to feel this way all the time when I was using. I never could get enough. Even in early recovery, when people would ask me what my drug of choice was, I would respond by saying, "MORE!" The truth was that nothing seemed to bring me satisfaction. My drinking and drug use stopped bringing me pleasure long before I stopped using. Even being clean and sober didn't seem like it was enough. Something was definitely missing.
I came to discover, like many people who have stayed clean and sober, that abstinence is not enough. There is a whole lot more to recovery than simply stopping the use. The Twelve Step program teaches us a new way of living. We begin with developing skills to stay out of harm's way. We then find that we need to grow spiritually. We take a good look at ourselves and make changes that are needed in how we perceive the world and how we behave in it. We rebuild our lives and fix what is broken, particularly our relationship with others. We continue to do regular checks on our functioning. We seek to know God, and we carry the message. We become new people. Am I finding satisfaction in my life now?
Meditations for the Heart
The heart is a crazy, mixed up part of who we are. Our emotions, our desires and our will all reside deep within our heart. In addiction the wiring of the heart gets short-circuited and continues to give us grief. The reality is that we cannot go back and rewire our will, our emotions and desires. This is the part of who we are that can get us in the most trouble. In the program there is a slogan that says, "Think, Think, Think." But the question is what are we supposed to think. Only the mind is capable of grasping wisdom. Our mind must seek out wisdom when our hearts are troubling us. A question I have learned to ask myself, "Is it wise?" The words of the Serenity Prayer talk about the wisdom to know the difference. It is wise for me to seek out my Higher Power's will for me. It is wise to do those things that are physically, mentally and spiritually healthy for me. Do I seek out wisdom in all that I do?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
It is You that ultimately brings me any satisfaction that I have in my life. Teach me to be wise in all that I do. Let me seek out that which is healthy for me. Help me to recognize when my heart gets out of control and seek to do Your will and not mine. Guide me on this pathway of recovery, and lead me to the place of true satisfaction in my life.
Amen.

January 27

Wisdom for Today
One of the most important aspects of using the program effectively is to establish a home group. I found that when I consistently went to the same meeting, I began to form relationships with the members of that group. As these relationships formed, my loyalty to the group and its member s grew. I began to feel like if I drank or used, I would not only be letting myself down, but I also would be letting down my group. When I was active in my addiction, I wasn't loyal to anyone. There was no loyalty to my family, my job, my friends and most of all to myself.
In recovery I discovered a group of people that were loyal to each other. They were willing to help each other and were willing to help me. As they got to know me, they were able to provide me with very helpful feedback. They helped me challenge my unrealistic expectations. They were able to help me find new ways to cope with life on life's terms. As I stayed with my home group, I also began to tell others what I thought about what was going on in their lives. I gained not only their loyalty but also their friendship. Am I loyal to my home group?
Meditations for the Heart
It really seemed that I was living in a state of constant agitation when I was drinking and using drugs. I was agitated because I needed to get high or because I was coming off a real bender. Even during the brief periods of time when I was controlling my use, I still was agitated. In recovery I was encouraged to learn the importance of staying calm. If I am calm on the inside, I am not as likely to rush into things. I am more patient. I am more likely to seek out guidance from my Higher Power. I did not know how to be calm on the inside. In fact, the only way I knew how to do this was with alcohol or drugs. Here my home group and sponsor really helped me. They told me the only way to find that inner calmness was to trust in God. Only when I trust God am I able to find the serenity to deal with life in a healthy way. Have I found the inner calmness I need in recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Thank You for the people in my home group that have always remained loyal. They have stood by me when I needed it most. It also feels good to know that they now lean on me. This trust was not something I expected. I value these friendships. I also thank You for the gift of inner calmness that You provide to me. Life suddenly seems less hard and less crazy. Walk with me this day as I continue my journey in recovery.
Amen.

January 28

Wisdom for Today
A slogan you will hear at meetings is, "Stick with the winners." Winners are the people you can depend on because they are loyal to the group. You don't have to worry about the winners because they are actively involved, working the steps and serving others. Winners come to meetings regularly and demonstrate through their involvement that they are willing to go to any length. Some are very outgoing, and others are quieter, but regardless of their personality they have a strong spiritual base to their recovery.
Sticking with the winners has been a great help to me in my own recovery. I was encouraged to come to meetings early and was invited out after meetings. It has amazed me how much I learned about recovery in these informal get-togethers. Winners can give you practical advise on dealing with life in recovery. By hanging out with the winners long enough, they teach you to become a winner. Am I becoming a winner in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
When there is fellowship with the winners in recovery, there is also fellowship with the Divine Spirit. God is always there when addicts and alcoholics gather together to practice the principles of the program. In all human relationships it is God who brings us together and unites us in a way to have an impact on and facilitate change in each other. I have been surprised sometimes at the words that come out of my mouth at a meeting or when I am meeting with others in the program. I know these aren't my words as much as the words of the Divine Spirit coming out of my mouth. The Spirit guides, leads and provides opportunities for change in and through these relationships. No human relationship can be entirely right without the presence of the Divine Spirit of God. It is His gift to us. Can I accept that the Spirit is at work in my life in and through others in the program?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today let me be a channel of Your Divine Spirit in my interactions with others. Help me to recognize that Your Spirit works in and through others. Help me to use the guidance I receive from these people for good. Lead me to the changes You want me to make, so that I too may be a winner in this program of recovery.
Amen.

January 29

Wisdom for Today
When I came into the program, I needed more than just a way out of the insanity of addiction. I needed other people. I needed the fellowship. I needed to talk to others about the things that were bugging me and to get help in dealing with the troubles I faced. I needed the strength I found in other people to deal with life. I needed a place to go to help me deal with all my anxiety and excess energy. I needed support and encouragement. I needed help to understand what had happened to me and what I needed to do to change.
There was no way I could give these things to myself. If I had to depend on myself, I know I would have just kept running from life. I needed the people who were making it to help me. What I got was all of this and a whole lot more. At first I needed help from these people every day just to make it from the beginning to end of each day. But over time I was given tools to use to help me stay clean and sober. I didn't choose to become an alcoholic or a drug addict, but I did need to choose to take responsibility for my recovery. Am I grateful for all the help I have received from those in the program?
Meditations for the Heart
One of the most phenomenal changes that occurred in my life of recovery was the removal of doubt. When I look back at my early days in recovery, I was constantly filled with doubt. I doubted that I would be able to stay clean and sober. I doubted that I would ever be able to have fun or enjoy life again. I doubted that the program could work for me. I even doubted that I was worth it. But doubt was replaced with something called faith. This faith started out as a small seed that was planted when at the end of my very first meeting people stood in a circle, prayed and then shouted, "It works, if you work it." Then the gentleman standing next to me turned and looked me right in the eye and said, "It worked for me, and it can work for you." I don't think I believed a word he said, but I soon had several days of clean time under my belt. This became weeks, months and years. That seed was cared for by those people in recovery who were willing to help me until I could begin to help myself. This seed of faith was a gift from my Higher Power, and today has become a strong tree with deep roots. Am I still filled with doubts?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I remember a time when I was filled with doubt and fear. You have given me the precious gift of faith. Through Your help and the help of others in the program my faith has grown. Let me continue to feed this faith by being responsible for my recovery. Today let me be willing to give back to the newcomers and help them find what I have found.
Amen.

January 30

Wisdom for Today
When I was active in my addiction, I had no self-discipline. Self-control was out of the question. Selfishness and self-centeredness ruled my thinking, behavior and values. In recovery I needed to learn self-discipline. This meant no longer reacting to my emotions, desires or will. It meant that I had to learn to proceed through life, not with my own wisdom, but with the wisdom of others and the wisdom of my Higher Power. Meetings provided me with a place to meet others who certainly knew more about recovery than I did. I needed to seek out their wisdom. It was through the program and the grace of God that I learned the self-discipline of abstinence.
Even later in recovery, I discovered that it was important to use self-discipline to give up some of my unhealthy behaviors and character defects. I had a tendency to self-sabotage and ruin what was good in my life. I had to corrupt any real success I had. Again I had to turn to the practice of self-discipline. My will only hurt me. I needed again and again to turn to others in the program and to God to find wisdom to deal with life and receive the encouragement I needed to do the next right thing, or at least do the next thing right. Do I practice self-discipline and seek wisdom from others?
Meditations for the Heart
I needed a guide to help me figure out how to have healthy relationships with other people. Learning how to get along with others and how to be genuine in my relationships was something that I needed to relearn. I knew how to interact with others, but I had no idea how to do this with my mask off. How do I allow myself to be vulnerable and real with others? I was afraid to let people in and afraid to share the real me. What would happen if others could see the blanket of shame I wore on the inside? Continuing to hide behind the mask would not work anymore. I believe this is a part of the reason that sponsorship is encouraged. I found someone who I could risk letting into my world to see the real me. My sponsor was not only my guide, but he also became my friend. He was a friend who would tell me the truth, a friend who would share his wisdom with me. Am I learning how to have a healthy relationship with others?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
My heart is so undisciplined and reactive. My will, my emotions and my desire only seem to get me into trouble. Help me this day to seek out wisdom from others and learn self-discipline. Guide me to others with whom I can have healthy relationships.
Amen.