Acting Out Our Defects of Character
 

A temper will get us into trouble and pride will keep us there.

I can't save my face and my butt at the same time.

- Pocket Sponsor

How many times, I was going to get back, 'fix' you, I'll get even with you for that one, and hang on to a resentment, and allow my pride to not give in, not willing to surrender, and the next thing I know, everything is blown out of proportion and no one wants to give in.

How many times I got angry, it is all his (her) fault, they are the ones with the problem and the disease, forgetting it is a family disease, and what my A has, I do too. It isn't always about them, it is about me and my own defects of character. I am not lily white and without faults of my own. As I shared with a friend last night, it is often the pot calling the kettle black. We don't realize that what we see in others, is a reflection from something within ourselves.

Not only not being able to save face or preventing ourselves from falling on our butt, often it is taking one foot out to put the other one in. We can't take the words back, we can't cover them up, and we compound interest by adding to the problem by opening our mouths again.

I use to tell my ex-husband, you took your foot out of your mouth and put the other one in. My tongue was a big weapon. I realized in recovery, that I would tear strips off someone, tear them apart and didn't bother putting them back together when I was done.

I had to clean up my mouth, my actions, as well as my body, mind, and spirit.

When we judge others, we forget that we have three fingers coming back at us.

As I have shared before, it is human to have defects of character, with my God`s help, I try to work on them daily.

When it comes to a short coming, it means that I am following thought with action.

I try not to do hissy fits, stamp my feet and slam doors, but that is normal too, it just not the way I choose to live in today.

Who knows why they are chemically dependent? The answer will not change the fact, and yet many continue to question, why? Indeed, they need an answer, but they are asking the wrong question. The real question is, 'How can I become free? Free of the fear. Free of the pain. Free of the bondage.

I do not receive the right answer when I ask the wrong question.

My sponsor use to say, you have the answers, they are within. As a parent, I found myself back asking the questions. As a daughter, I often questioned and ended up taking responsibility of other people's actions, when they were not mine to take on.

Freedom from the bondage of addiction. It is a family disease. The addict isn't the only one who is a slave to the drug(s). Only through a Power greater than myself, am I able to find that freedom from active addiction, not just to the drug, but to the obsession to fix and make everything better.

The only person I can change is myself. I can pray, and leave it in my Higher Power's Hand. I must remember that my addict has his only Higher Power and I am not it.

My sponsor said, "You have the answers within." I said, "Yes, but I don't know what questions to ask!"

Many years later she said, "Jo, are you still intellectualizing, stop it!" It keeps you sick. Quit questioning and trying to figure it out, just accept!

Acceptance is the key to all areas of recovery, it doesn't matter what substance you use, be it people, places, and/or things.

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