March 16

Unconditional Love

True love should be unconditional. If people we love do something self-destructive, we try to stop them, not because we wish to control them but because we love them. If they pay no attention and go on harming themselves, we feel their pain. We may be angry, but we do not love them any less. We cannot condone or reward self-destructive behavior because that would contribute to their destruction. But unconditional love means loving even when we are disappointed or angry. Will others know we love them when we act in their best interests? Even if they do not recognize our love right then, some day they will.

March 17

Changing Our Whole Life

In Step Twelve we say practice these principles in all our affairs. When we walk, we put one foot in front of the other out of habit. We think about each step, but we would go crazy if we brought these actions under voluntary control. During active addiction, we often drink or use chemicals out of habit. We deceive ourselves in thinking these are voluntary acts. It is only when we realize that we have totally lost control, and turn our lives over to a Higher Power, that we can replace a defective control system with one that works. We should look for a Higher Power to help us.

March 18

It's Not All Your Fault

There is some confusion about guilt. A recovering person stated he was having a difficult time with guilt. His wife was mentally ill, and he felt his drinking had caused this. No person is so powerful that he or she can make another person psychotic or alcoholic. When we regret having done something wrong, but still feel guilty after making amends, we can ask God's forgiveness to remove the painful feelings of guilt. If we hold on to guilt we have no business having, and ask God to lift that burden of guilt, He may say, Just put it down. You had no business picking it up.

March 19

Faith and Effort Make a Difference

Faith and action are the ideal combination. Total reliance on God, to the extent that we make no effort on our own behalf, will not succeed. Without Divine rain, our plowing, tilling, and seeding would produce nothing. If it is the right thing to do, we should not be frightened by a challenge, and we should trust that God will help bring our efforts to successful completion. Sobriety is a challenge that requires our maximum effort. But having seen so many times that our own efforts fall short, we invoke Divine assistance. This approach can be applied with equal success to many other challenges in life.

March 20

Meetings Are Life-Savers

One woman said she was sober, but she had stopped going to AA because she did not enjoy the meetings. Isn't it ludicrous to reject a life-saving treatment because you do not enjoy it? The woman had to realize she had an addictive disease -- potentially fatal if untreated. The proper treatment includes AA, and the meetings are effective. Later the woman said once she saw the meetings as a treatment for her disease, she began enjoying them. There is nothing wrong with enjoying an AA or NA meeting, but we must be aware that these meetings are necessary to arrest the otherwise inexorable process of addiction.

March 21

Know Yourself

Why is self-awareness important in recovery? A healthy and successful adjustment to life is contingent upon a correct perception of reality. Addiction is commonly characterized by negative self-perceptions. Shakespeare was so right when he said, This above all, to thine own self be true. If we do not have a correct concept of our own selves, then we are misperceiving the most important element of reality: ourselves. The Twelve Step program helps bring about a more accurate self-perception. The Fourth and Fifth Steps lay the groundwork, and the Tenth Step carries it forward. Of course, all the other Steps contribute significantly.

March 22

Learn to Adapt

We pray for the courage to change the things we can. Change means adaptation, and good sobriety requires the capacity to adapt. Chemical use is often aggravated by rigidity, as when we have the attitude, I am the way I am, and the world should change to suit me. If we do not learn how to adapt, we are certain to become frustrated. We must be flexible and adapt to changes in life. If we remain fixed, we are certain to be disillusioned. As we grow in sobriety, we can minimize the disappointments in life as we improve our ability to adapt.

March 23

Sobriety Is a Gift of God

Recovering people may tell their therapists, Thank you for saving my life. This is pleasant to hear, but we should recognize the truth. We do many things to guide people to sobriety, and when they succeed, they often give us full credit for the achievement. The truth is that sobriety is not achieved by our own efforts, whether client or therapist. Sobriety is a gift of God. Recovering people can make themselves able to accept that gift, and helpers can show how to stop obstructing God's gift.

March 24

Let GO of the Past

Newcomers to AA or NA may remark, I must be in the wrong place. If everyone is sober, how come they are smiling? The attitude of AA and NA reflects the Serenity Prayer. Taking one day at a time, we can concentrate all our thoughts and energies on that day. If we obsess on the mistakes of the past, it results in depression that is conducive to relapse. Whether we laugh or cry, the past will not change, so people in the program choose to laugh. Recovering people take life so seriously they cannot dissipate limited energies on futile exercises, such as bewailing the past.

March 25

Avoid Codependence

When we respond to the pace set by another person, we cannot stop when our warning signals tell us that we are going too far. This is equally true of codependents. If the disease that runs the addict's life also runs you as a codependent, your life can become chaotic. Detachment does not mean you are deserting the addict or severing all relations. It simply means you are avoiding being dragged along. A correct understanding of detachment eliminates this concern. We recognize that the other person has a disease, and we relate to him as long as we set the pace of the relationship.

March 26

Fear of Intimacy

Chemically dependent people often have a problem with intimacy. True intimacy is contingent upon self-esteem. If we think there is something wrong with us, we are likely to avoid relating to other people for fear they may discover our defects and reject or ridicule us. If we are ashamed of our true selves, such exposure can be frightening. We need to realize that the self of which we are so ashamed is but a figment of our imagination. If we could get to know our true selves, we would have a much different opinion of ourselves and would no longer be reluctant to let others discover who we truly are.

March 27

Live One Day at a Time

One day at a time does not mean doing today only that which is useful today. Doing something today to prepare for the future or to compensate for the past is perfectly okay. However, if we worry about a past or future event we can do nothing about -- for example, if we think today how we are going to deal with the urge to drink next holiday season -- that is a violation of one day at a time. One day at a time simply means dealing today with something we can do something about, and leaving alone those things we can do nothing about.

March 28

Like Yourself

While we are all expert at enjoying diversions, such as music, television, books, or sports, few of us can truly relax, which means lying back with our eyes closed yet not asleep, just enjoying being by ourselves. If you are alone in the company of someone you do not like, you become uneasy. One man wrote: Without anything to divert me from myself, I simply did not like the company I was in, because I did not like myself! If we like ourselves, we can relax without brain-depressing chemicals. Recovery helps us like ourselves.

March 29

Honesty

Sobriety requires rigorous honesty. Addiction is full of deceit: lying, cheating, cover-ups. In recovery, it is essential to abandon dishonesty and become truthful, even if it hurts. We should always be proud of what we have done. True pride is constructive. False pride is destructive and prevents us from admitting powerlessness and from taking a moral inventory. True pride prevents self-ruination by chemicals, and will not allow us to do anything beneath our dignity. Honesty and true pride can make life much easier. At the end of each day we can feel good about what we have done and not make excuses.

March 30

Learn to Feel Again

In recovery we must deal with feelings. Many admit difficulty in managing negative feelings: anger, hatred, grief, or envy. But they may not perceive why they need help with feelings such as pride, joy, or being loved. People who are unable to deal with anger do not know how to turn off their angry feelings, and may shut off all their feelings. When we help the recovering person manage feelings, we open the feeling system again. This flood of feelings may cause confusion and anxiety, and can be one reason for relapse. We must have patience in learning how to deal with our feelings.