HELPING THROUGH THE GRIEF

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Grief touches all of us. It may be because of a death of a loved one, a loss of a job or tragic life events beyond our control. Grieving hurts and heals. As you read through page, and the other 42 pages in our Helping Through the Grief Section, if you have something you would like to add, please send it here. By sharing, you can help others through their grief.

Love and peace,
Marlene

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"Everything happens for a reason. You might ask yourself why, that which you are going through has happened to you, but just understand that you are being made strong. Blaming others simply means you are not in total control of your life so you find someone responsible for your failures. Just don't give up in life. If you can't run, walk; if you can't walk, crawl, if you can't crawl, then roll. Just make sure you keep moving in life. Never give up. Take it one step at a time."

Author Unknown

"Trials are blessings we don't understand yet..."

Written in 2011 by John Giroux --- Kansas
Submitted by Machawe Chaawe Dlamini --- Swaziland

Today's thought is: God creates. People rearrange. ~Joseph Casey~ Being alive is our invitation to act in fresh, inventive ways. All it takes is concentrating on our inner vision in combination with external reality. The components for accomplishing any task are at our fingertips, awaiting discovery. Our burdens are lightened when we understand that all situations are resolvable - no mystery need leave us in the dark for long. Just as surely as we each exist, so exists every element we need to solve any problem or chart any new course. Our purpose in life is to select those elements that will satisfy the need. We each have been blessed with this capability for proper selection. The day promises challenge and many choices. I can successfully handle all possibilities. You are reading from the book: The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey & Martha Vanceburg Copyright 1983, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. Posted this on May 19, 2006

Found this on JoAnne's Recovery Site

This may be a rerun but it spoke to me today.

As they say, "No pain, no gain." Some days it feels like I am not getting very far.

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Time for Joy - Book - Quote Today I can wait until all negative and hostile feelings lose their power over me before I say or do anything. I can take the time to breathe in peace and love, no matter what is going on in my life.

Live it well! http://www.animated-gifs.eu/phone-24...erubs/0015.gif You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was a young man, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all... And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams ... But, here it is...the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise... How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go? I remember well... seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like... But, here it is... wife retired and she's really getting gray... she moves slower and I see an older woman now. She's in better shape than me... but, I see the great change... Not the one I married who was young and vibrant... but, like me, her age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit! And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things. But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last... This I know, that when it's over...its over.... Yes , I have regrets . There are things I wish I hadn't done .... things I should have done . But indeed , there are many things I'm happy to have done .... Its all in a lifetime ... So, if you're not in your winter yet... let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Life goes by quickly So, do what you can today, because you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life ... so, live for good today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember... "Life is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who came after. Make it a fantastic one." LIVE IT WELL!! ~author unknown~

"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him." -- Aldous Huxley "A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." -- George Bernard Shaw When I read these quotes from my daily reading, I thought of them with regard to my life as an addict prior to recovery. My whole life seemed a mistake, and yet I had to go through what I had to go through to get to the doors of recovery. Most of my experiences were as a result of living my life through other people and with out much thought of doing what I wanted to do. In fact, there were a lot of things that I always wanted to do, but just never got the chance to do them. Mostly because I spent my money using, but also because the man in my life demand my time, attention, and often my money. I certainly didn't set boundaries. It seemed like my life was one big mistake. It was very gratifying to find out that just because I made them, didn't mean I was one. There wasn't a lot of honourable deeds on the whole and yet it wasn't all bad. I volunteered for different organizations like the Cancer society, The Heart Fund, put on Senior Movie Nites and held Euchre parties. The motive wasn't as pure as it has been in recovery, but the thoughts were there. More out of looking for approval and acceptance than with the thought of helping others. With the Legion and being a Ladies Auxiliary Member, I did a lot of things and was a very outgoing person. It was a prime example of how every time I picked up I gave away a piece of myself. Instead of this outgoing woman who was involved with the community, I became an intoverted person who existed in a small room at the YWCA. Even there, they called me the Den Mother of the Fourth Floor. What I wasn't doing was taking care of myself. I was too busy caretaking everyone else. I was just marking time and it got so that I needed more and more drugs because I couldn't deal with life and wanted to just hide away and not face it. What had been my best friend had become my enemy and it stopped working for me. It no longer became a coping tool. I was shutting down and detaching from my family and friends. My life was nothing and I felt even more like nothing, with no self-esteem, respect, worth, care or confidence. Thank God for recovery and the healing of the 12 Steps and Traditions.

Days of Healing Days of Joy He has served who now and then Has helped along his fellowmen. .Edgar A. Guest It's hard to be interested in something that seems too remote. Sure, we're sorry for starving people in faraway places. And the TV news story about whole villages disappearing in an earthquake makes us feel terrible-until the next news story comes on. It doesn't mean we're bad people when we don't respond much to such tragedies. It only means they're not personal - and only the personal is real. We care most about what we're involved in directly. If we're not personally involved, we're not very enthusiastic either. If we are the ones starting a new ACOA meeting, setting up the chairs, making the coffee, the success of that meeting means a lot to us. If our children are on drugs, we're not bored by city council meetings where new drug programs are discussed. It's our stake in something that makes it important. The world doesn't need any more spectators. To feel more alive, we must be more alive. Caring is life and involvement is growth. Today, I will not sit on the sidelines. I will act on behalf of a good cause that deserves my support.

Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install love.
Can you guide me through the process?

CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install
now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your
current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
will no longer disrupt other programs.

LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
called HIGH- ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do
this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to
begin connecting to other Heart's in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE
program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on
your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in
non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it
can "LOVE" others.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to
the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and
ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting
files and begin patching any programming. Also, you need to delete
SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back, you will need to empty your recycle bin.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is
playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?

C Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything
gets downloaded at the proper time.

So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here.
One more thing before I go.

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to
everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they
will return some similarly cool modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?

CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great
Physician. Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay
heart-healthy, but the manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily
maintenance for maximum efficiency.

(Romans 10:17 ESV) So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. Rom. 10:17 Paul now sums up the argument thus far. One can come to faith only through hearing the gospel, and the specific message that must be heard is the word of Christ, that is, the good news about Jesus Christ as the crucified and risen Savior. ********************************************* http://www.1828-dictionary.com/d/search/word,faith FAITH, n. [L. fides, fido, to trust; Gr. to persuade, to draw towards any thing, to conciliate; to believe, to obey. In the Greek Lexicon of Hederic it is said, the primitive signification of the verb is to bind and draw or lead, as signifies a rope or cable. But this remark is a little incorrect. The sense of the verb, from which that of rope and binding is derived, is to strain, to draw, and thus to bind or make fast. A rope or cable is that which makes fast. Heb.] 1. Belief; the assent of the mind to the truth of what is declared by another, resting on his authority and veracity, without other evidence; the judgment that what another states or testifies is the truth. I have strong faith or no faith in the testimony of a witness, or in what a historian narrates. 2. The assent of the mind to the truth of a proposition advanced by another; belief, or probable evidence of any kind. 3. In theology, the assent of the mind or understanding to the truth of what God has revealed. Simple belief of the scriptures, of the being and perfections of God, and of the existence, character and doctrines of Christ, founded on the testimony of the sacred writers, is called historical or speculative faith; a faith little distinguished from the belief of the existence and achievements of Alexander or of Cesar. 4. Evangelical, justifying, or saving faith, is the assent of the mind to the truth of divine revelation, on the authority of God's testimony, accompanied with a cordial assent of the will or approbation of the heart; an entire confidence or trust in God's character and declarations, and in the character and doctrines of Christ, with an unreserved surrender of the will to his guidance, and dependence on his merits for salvation. In other words, that firm belief of God's testimony, and of the truth of the gospel, which influences the will, and leads to an entire reliance on Christ for salvation.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Shame is a learned response. There is a lot of interest in shame these days in relation to addiction and recovery from addiction. When we start feeling shameful, we leave ourselves and operate much like someone on drugs or alcohol. Nothing clear can get in. Nothing clear can come out. It is important to remember that shame is learned and that anything that is learned can be unlearned. Shame was used to control us when we were younger, and now we often use it to control others. When we start feeling ashamed, no new information can come in, we canot process information clearly, and we cannot communicate clearly. We are in our addictive disease. Ir is important to see the role shame has played in our lives. It is also important not to stay stuck in it. ======================= I found that if I took the thought of me acting out in my disease out of the shame, then there was nothing left. It wasn't the real me, it was my disease that was talking. I had to share it talk about it, and separate the reality and the real me, from the misconception of my disease and the old tapes of yesterday. As I shared with a friend in a meeting once, of up take the real "me" out of the equation, there isn't much left to the equation. The same held true for blame. It doesn't mean I can have to condone the acts, I am responsible for them; but I do need to forgive the person, because it was the disease talking, the old tapes running, and me trying to live up to them, and never feeling like I quite measured up. Yet as they say, if we didn't have the remorse and guilt we wouldn't be alcoholics or addicts. It is a symptom of our dis-ease!

The reason I posted it on this column is the last line of this post. Originally posted on The Spirit of Healing. This post was received from a group called Crystal Folk. I thank them for giving us permission to use their material. They believe something good is to be shared and passed on to others. We thank them for their caring and sharing. The following is a meditation site received from this site: Click here: page2 duwali.homestead.com/page2.html Click here: 1 Minute Meditation www.innerspace.org.uk/meditation-minute.htm I AM Lordès meditationcenter.com/ http://www.angelwinks.net/images/angel162.jpg This website makes no claim to give us instant peace of mind but it does make available a large number of meditation techniques to place us on the path. Instruction is available to those who are new to mediation as well as to those more advanced. This site provides links to 4 basic meditations, core meditations which involve the use of breath and focusing on inner light, meditations to relieve stress through relaxation, healing meditations, and a centering meditation. Give this site a try. You may find it almost as good as your morning cup of coffee. From the SO Much Love, Juanita