Didn't know I had the Power. I didn't know how to get it. I had to identify those hooks and learn how to remove them. It all lead to building a relationship with my Higher Power.

Knew when I saw the title, that I was going to like it and needed to read it.

When I came into recovery, I knew I had something, wasn't sure it was a feeling, and I sure didn't know what to call them. How can you label something and process it if you haven't allowed yourself to feel and stuffed them with alcohol, street and prescription drugs, food, relationships, shopping, gambling, work, church and service, anything to take us out of ourselves because we didn't like where we were at.

My solution was pick up a book and I had to learn to examine my motive and intent. I would turn on music and the TV, and again was it for my entertainment, something for my Higher Good and well being, even if it was for fun, it was, again a question of am I fearful of being alone with myself and am I unwilling to dealing with my issues at hand or my feelings that seem to overwhelm me, instead of being still and taking time with my God, to remove the fear and allow faith to come in; then I can watch TV or read a book.

Just knew one of the reading would speak to me and tell me to get honest. I bought brownies today. I recognize it as a fear thing. Every Friday night on pay day, my son goes out and spends mega bucks for alcohol and drugs. Each weekend if this is the time he will go to jail, overdose, and or be killed. He told me he had more than usual money this pay, so I realize that the brownies were a start of stuffing my feelings and not allowing my faith to bring me peace. All I can do is pray for him. I put him in God's Hands many years ago.

After having a piece of anniversary cake I told myself I shouldn't have a brownie. I found my self eating one and a song came on my digital music station on my TV, "Another nail in my coffin." Perhaps I should quit listening to these old boozing classics that say poor, poor me, pour me another one. That chocolate is a nail in my coffin, and I will find that Metformin is not going to be enough and I am going to find myself on Insulin.

http://www.metrolyrics.com/drivin-na...-thompson.html

I heard the phrase tonight that reminded me of how I felt when I came into recovery. It was, "Stop the world I want to get off." and I have been finding myself in an uncaring about myself, and thinking, "What the Heck!"

Very grateful for the awareness, thankful that my God and I can work on this and I don't have to continue using food to escape reality. It doesn't matter what substance I choose to use, substitution doesn't work and it all leads to the same soul sickness. I can't say, "Well I didn't pick up a drink or a drug." Food is a drug! I am powerless over people, places, and things. Thanks for letting me share.

Firmly a thought is a prayer. Be careful what you give out, it will come back to you. Be careful for what you ask for, it may be returned in kind.

It is so true, "This to shall pass," the good times and the not so good times.

Firmly a thought is a prayer. Be careful what you give out, it will come back to you. Be careful for what you ask for, it may be returned in kind.

It is so true, "This to shall pass," the good times and the not so good times.

Healing thought may be sent your way, it is up to you as to whether you choose to accept them.

As the slogan says, "This too shall pass." That means the good and not so good, so enjoy the moment when it is here, it may not pass again. If it does come back, it may be in a different format or another reality, and things just don't seem the same.

As it says, "We don't always find it easy to accept, but we don't have to like it, we just need to accept, it is the key to willingness and moving on with our life.

It was important for me to remember I was acting out in my dis-ease. Many times I was embarrassed for others, most times because I was fearful of them bringing shame to me and my life.

I have always had a false sense of responsibility, and I took on what was not mine, and I would be shamed because I couldn't cope. If I try to take on the job of three people, and can't cope and I pop pills, eat, and/or escape using other things, which can be simple things at the beginning, but it gets to where it over takes our life and everything else is second nature in my life.

Pray has always worked for me. Sometimes it is continuous prayer, because the old can sometimes come back and become the new.

There was no communication in my marriages unless it was to tell me to shut up, my opinion didn't matter or wasn't asked for.

You can't communicate and have a relationship if you are talking to a brick wall, so I just had to let go, and not take on his/her stuff. I had to learn to take my Q-Tip with me everywhere I went, I had to quit taking it personally.

This is what I have to do with my relationship with my son. I love him but sure don't love or like his actions. I can't change him, all I can do is pray for him.

A good one and one that took me a long time to learn. Everything was followed with a "Yeah but...."

Those old tapes are killers. I even found God to be an old tape, I had to go on a Spiritual Quest to see who and what my God meant to me and build a new relationship with Him daily. I didn't lose my long-time beliefs, I just learned more and that God was much bigger than any pre-conceived idea that I ever had.

It is like the old saying, "Just because you sat in a pew, sang in the choir, taught Sunday School, and much more, doing service in the church is good, but it doesn't do you any good unless you are a believer and not just reading the words or saying them from memory, to my way of thinking it comes from the heart and a place of Love.

Maybe because I rebelled for so many years, especially about the rules and regulations of the church, that when I came into recovery I had to change my attitude and my perspective to include them. I used my Bible for my first year of recovery and found out that I needed more, if I wanted to stay clean and sober and let go of old habits, behaviours and ways of thinking.

My God is as He reveals Himself in today. My God utilizes people, places, and things to show me a better way of living. He also shows me people, places and things that are harmful to my sobriety. That doesn't mean they are wrong, it just means it is not right for me. It doesn't mean that won't change, but for the most part, I have been there, done it, and wore the T-Shirt (seem to have collected a lot of them), especially with family and friends.

Both my parents passed young, especially my mom who died at 40 because of her food addiction. They are no longer here, but thanks to the program, I understand where they both were coming from.

This is a little of what I have been sharing and looking at new ways to practice self care. I was told that you give to others, you give to yourself.

My friend and I were sharing about this, how people go away to detach from the chaos around them. My first sponsor told me that I could do the same. Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door. Don't do things that you don't like and nurture yourself. When I tried, I found out that I was spoiling myself rotten, so again, like all things, it is about balance.

There is so much fear around Step Eight because they are thinking Step Nine and having to make the amend.

It takes a lot of self-honesty to do a complete Step 8. We often don't realize how much we have hurt the people around us, we think we are hurting only ourselves.

This is especially not true because we are generally numbed out and not aware how hurtful we can be in active addiction, let alone the person we have become as a result of our disease.

It is about healing and become a new person. Sometimes it is going back to what we were before, but if we didn't have a God back then, then I found it to become a new being who walk with my God.

Amend isn't about saying I am sorry. It isn't about I am sorry, I will try not to do it again. It is about changing so we won't even think of doing it again, then apologize for the person that was and asking for forgiveness to the person who is in today.

I used people, places and things, and in today, I try to the best of my ability not to do that.

I make a list and get honest. Not all the people on the list will require an amend. As it says in AA, "Except when to do so, will harm others and ourselves." Many people have passed on and not a part of my life. I say a prayer for them and if I should cross their path, then I will make that amend. I don't have the money and the transportation to search for them, even if I knew where they are, I just know that God will put them in my path if the need is there. It has happened that way for me.

Some people have passed on, including my parents and I wrote in my journal about them and sent them a letter. My aunt said, "You already apologized dear, you don't have to do it again (after a new bout of awareness), just continue doing what you are doing, you are fine. She did't know the meaning of F.I.N.E. (Frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and emotional).

Have found that some people didn't even see a need for an amend. That was okay, I didn't do it for them, they can accept or not accept, it is about me and my recovery, and my state of mind.

Write down names and you will either cross some off and/or add more. A lot for me were a result of false responsibility and as they say, fear (false evidence appeariing real) and doing and sayiing what I thought I was suppose to do, especially if it made them happy and I thought that was an act or a response I was suppose to make as a result of old tapes.

It was about me getting honest with me.

It took time and prayer to become willing to make an amend to my ex-boss, I knew I had a part in it, but he was always the bigger sinner (offender), in my eyes. It was about what he did to me, and not about the fact that I tried to do the work of 3 people, and because I couldn't keep up, I got into my pills because I had the headache, which turned into migraines. It didn't matter that Ms. Perfection felt guilty and couldn't keep up her normal routine, and when you are a proof reader and you don't see the mistakes, there is something wrong. Ms. Perfect was stoned because the Es looked like As, and so much more.

Finally, I became willing to be willing to make the amend. I got on the bus and said, "I will stop on the way back from my doctor's appointment." I looked out the bus window and saw a bankruptcy banner across the front window of his store. He had moved out of town, no forwarding address, and I came to the understanding, that it would hurt him and me, and as long as I was willing, my God cleared the slate.

Posted on this yesterday, amends isn't saying "I'm sorry!" it is about taking a look at your life, and looking at what you need to change in order to not continue acting out in your disease.

Didn't procrastinate, phoned to cancel appointment at 6:30 a.m., only to get a call they missed me at 11 a.m.

Laundry will be put off for another day :(