I am a firm believer that we attract like energy. What I put out, I will get back. Negative things happen, but instead of "Oh woe is me!" I try to look for the positive and how I can change that negative into something that is good for me. I have learned that what is positive for me may not be good for someone else and visa versa.

I have had a lot of pain, felt kind of blue, and considering a pity party when the phone rings. If it is someone who is positive, I will hesitate to pick it up but if I do answer I let them know that it isn't really good for me to talk in the moment. Other times, when I know the person tends to be an energy stealer, a taker instead of a giver, I will talk to them and nine times out of ten, the negative energy around me is gone and I have feeling better.

When I get an message on my answering machine, I listen for their voice and if I hear sighs, oh woe is mes, along with a hard luck story, I answer when it is good for me.

Posted on another site by me in 2010

I am reminded of the slogan, "Let it begin with me." I can't change others, but I can change me and I am a firm believer that we are often products of our environment. I need not only look at what and who is around me, but look at the energy I am putting out.

I was told there was no right or wrong, it was all energy and it was up to me to accept or reject it. What is good for me in today, may not be good tomorrow. What is good for me, may not be good for someone else.

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Found this on another site, originally posted by BW in 2010

For me, it was my tongue that was sharp. Was so busy cutting everyone down, comparing instead of identifying my own problems.

We do need to be vigilant as this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. You never know when it is going to raise it's head and try to take you by surprise. Many times I have asked myself, "Now where did that thought come from?" It is generally my disease telling me that things are okay, when in fact they are not. For me it was about self-honesty and letting go of the denial.

I can't, God can, just for today, I chose to let Him.

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Alcohol was my coping tool. It was made me feel 10 feet tall and bullet proof. I laughed when I heard that phrase. It is an exaggeration, but then, that is what alcoholic do! Drink and exaggerate. It isn't about a drink it is about how many an hour. It isn't about a glass but a bottle. For me it was did I have over 20 or under 20 when I went to the Legion. It wasn't about one hour or a time out. It was about a day or how long did I go this time?

What I thought of as my best friend became my worst enemy. I could no longer drink safely. When I wanted to stop, I couldn't!

I remember asking, "what do I need to change?" My reply was always the same, "Everything!"

It took me a long time to see my disease. I compared the drinking and the actions until I started to identify with the feelings and thoughts behind them.

I don't have a drinking problem today, I still have a thinking problem and that I why I continue to need this program. I have to work on my emotional sobriety every day.

Spirituality is a change in our attitude, sufficient to aid recovery according to the Big Book. It worked for me. Most of my problems were attitude problems and I had a lot of changing to do.

Getting rid of the old to make room for the new. Cleansing my body, mind, and spirit.

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(Humour me....but it's become abundantly clear to me how ingrained recovery becomes as a way of life....Feel free to add to the list.

I'd be thrilled to know I'm not the ONLY nutcase out here! LOL)

graced

You KNOW you're in recovery when...

** you have more self help books for overcoming addictions on your bookshelves than the public library but you read only two--the big blue one and the little blue one! (why I don't toss the rest is beyond me!)

**you give a thumbs up to the fella honking behind you cuz you're convinced it's about the 'honk if you're a friend of Bill's' sticker on your bumper and totally missed the fact that you're turning the wrong way onto a one way street. (true ...LOL)

**you stand up to address a group of professionals about work related topics and introduce yourself in the usual manner..."Hi, I'm ___ and I'm an alcoholic" (oops..LOL)

**you excuse yourself in a heated moment with another person to use the restroom to get ON your knees for surrendering purposes. (yep...people will look at ya funny..LOL)

**you tell the officer the reason you're in the park AFTER closing hours with some scared looking person in the car with you- is that you're "doing a fifth".......and promptly begin scrambling like mad to correct that statement! (oy....)

The greatest gift being able to laugh at myself.

All of the above!

Being able to take the words off the page and applying them to my life.

Seems like a lot of people qualify and need the program even though they don't drink. It is a living dis-ease and the drug of choice (alcohol, men, pills, work, relationships, food, etc.) is but a symptom of my disease.

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

This reminds me of a time at a meeting when a newcomer was sharing how he had such a difficult time of letting go of blame and shame. I told him, "If you take the word 'me' out of those to words what do you have left. I call it the "bla and sham" game. Told him not to buy into it, and to realize that it was his disease that had done the talking and the action, and he was responsible, but the best way to heal it was to heal himself and take himself out of the equation so he wouldn't have to be a continuing participant.

A long-timer told me a long time ago, one of the biggest contributing factors leading to relapse is guilt, follwed by blame and shame. He thought that guilt was just as much a factor or more so than resentment. I found that a lot of it was projected onto people by their family and friends where had their own anger and issues and it was easier to point the finger than to deal with their own issues. It is amazing how many people sabatoge people in recovery because of their own denial and guilt, and as a result they play the blame and shame game. More spouses and friends are responsible for relapse than most addicts who are already feeling low self-esteem and self-worth, and they don't like the fact that their spouses find recovery in the rooms and do for others what they won't do for them, not realizing that they don't have the power. The power for recovery is in the rooms of recovery, not in the home or church. They can help if there is support there and understanding, but seldom is that the case.

My brother-in-law never knew where to put his face if I mentioned the fact that I was leaving a family function to go to a meeting.

Originally posted in 2004

It is always good to get affirmations and remember whens.

I can still go into the old guilt when it comes to my son and my abusive marriages. The abused often becomes the abuser, and I found myself hitting back in anger, resentment, and that old adage, "It is all your fault!" Looking at the alcoholic and addict instead of looking at myself. When I looked at me, I realized that I needed the 12 Steps for myself and I fit in and qualified for just about any 12 Step room of recovery I walked into.

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Fear was something that I remember feeling at the age of 6. Most of my life was fear based. Everything seemed to be "Thou shall not..." and I always seemed to find a way to do and feared the wrath of God was going to strike me down dead." I am glad to know a loving and forgiving God in today. That doesn't mean that I should do the same thing over and over again and expect different results, that is addiction, the nature of my dis-ease.

They say: Face Everything And Recover. I have a choice, I can choose to be "Frustrated, Egotistical, Anxious, and Resentful. You can substitute any word for these letters F E A R and it all boils down to the fact that we lack faith. Faith and fear can not occupy the same place. Many do not believe this, but it is true. God either is or He isn't. No matter who you believe God to be, be it Good Orderly Direction, Group of Drunks and/or Drug Addicts showing me a new way of life, when I stay connected, grounded in today, I do not have to walk in fear. I am never alone unless I choose to be. Isolation is part of my dis-ease.

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Fear was something that I remember feeling at the age of 6. Most of my life was fear based. Everything seemed to be "Thou shall not..." and I always seemed to find a way to do and feared the wrath of God was going to strike me down dead." I am glad to know a loving and forgiving God in today. That doesn't mean that I should do the same thing over and over again and expect different results, that is addiction, the nature of my dis-ease.

They say: Face Everything And Recover. I have a choice, I can choose to be "Frustrated, Egotistical, Anxious, and Resentful. You can substitute any word for these letters F E A R and it all boils down to the fact that we lack faith. Faith and fear can not occupy the same place. Many do not believe this, but it is true. God either is or He isn't. No matter who you believe God to be, be it Good Orderly Direction, Group of Drunks and/or Drug Addicts showing me a new way of life, when I stay connected, grounded in today, I do not have to walk in fear. I am never alone unless I choose to be. Isolation is part of my dis-ease.

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Wrote this in 2013 on another site.

Things are not so open and truthful in today. I am grateful that I was brought up with those long-timers. I still don't like the word 'pigeon' and that is me. When I think of pigeon, I think of stool pigeon which in Scottish, I was told was a clipe, or a tattle tale.

Maybe that is what I am, because what I heard and applied to my life are words that I heard in the rooms of recovery or on sites on line.

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Smiling, was just talking to that friend. She no longer lives me, but we are still friend and see each other. There have been times in my life when I had to detach from her. We met originally in treatment in 1991.

It still applies today. I may not use alcohol to stuff in today, but I can use other substance that don`t seem as harmful, but they become a drug when they do for me what alcohol use to do for me. One is hiding in my bed or running away from home to avoid addressing an issue in the moment. I was glad I made it to my Al-Anon meeting today. It reminded me to take my eyes off the alcoholic in my life and remember this recovering alcoholic and focus on my own recovery.

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When I came into recovery, it was so nice to know that I wasn't alone. My thoughts were not original, and I was only unique in my journey to get to the doors of recovery, I was not so unique in the fact that I was the only one who had gone through what I did in their life.

What I say is not only my words, only the interruptation of what I heard around the tables at meetings, listening and sharing with others. My best thinking got me here. Sharing that thinking, allows me to let go and make room for new thoughts to come in. When I learn to identify instead of compare, I know I am in the right place.

Originally posted on another site in 2005.

One of the reasons to go to meetings, even though you have a few 24 hours under your belt, is to go and listen to newcomers. It isn't any better out there. We can't forget where we came from. They have a great message for us to hear. We need them as much as they need us to help guide them on a recovery road by sharing what it was like for us.

The first word of the first step is "We..." We can do what I can't do alone. When I go to a meeting, I am not alone. I call a meeting a God Village. A group of spiritual people coming together for a common cause, to stay clean and sober in today.


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