Eating Disorder
Yesterday in the news, there was an interview with the family of the mayor of a city here in Ontario, who has been charged with many crimes, but the big one was crack, cocaine, and alcohol. His family are worried about his weight. Many don't realize that he uses food like he uses everything else. When I am addicted, my drug of choice is more. It doesn't matter what the substance is, the problem is me.
It doesn't matter if you use too much, or abuse by not taking (food, medication, exercise, etc.), it is all about looking outside of ourselves to make us feel better or succumbing to that stinking thinking that tells you that you are not worthy, that you are ugly, dumb, etc. For many years, I thought I had to justify my existence, it wasn't okay to be me. http://www.animated-gifs.eu/kitchen-cooks/0032.gif MAY YOU BE ABLE TO HANDLE EVERYTHING THAT IS DISHED UP TO YOU! |
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This reminded me of a cousin who always use to say "I am big boned" when people on the bus got in her face about being overweight. It sounds good in the telling, doesn't always apply in theory. I was always overweight for the size of my body. When I lost the swelling from medication, I said, "This body was hiding under there all the time." The reality is, that body could lose some weight too! Again, like all addictions, it is a state of mind and needs a change in attitude. It helps to share. When I vocalize, I can hear myself and what is coming out of my mouth and identify the feelings that are often hidden, stuffed, or covered up and need to be acknowledged. http://angelwinks.net/images/iq/qc2bears272.jpg |
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A Dieter's Prayer
Lord, my soul is ripped with riot I incited by my wicked diet. "We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man And Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can. I want to rise on Judgment Day, that's plain! But at my present weight, I'll need a crane. So, grant me strength that I may not fall Into the clutches of cholesterol. May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated, T hat my soul may be poly unsaturated. And show me the light that I may bear witness T o the President's Council on Physical Fitness. And at margarine, I'll never mutter For the road to Hell is spread with butter. And cream is cursed; and cake is awful; A nd Satan is hiding in every waffle. Mephistopheles lurks in provolone; The Devil is in each slice of baloney. Beelzebub is a chocolate drop, A nd Lucifer is a lollipop. Give me this day my daily slice But, cut it thin and toast it twice. I beg upon my dimpled knees, Deliver me from jujubees. And when my days of trial are done, And my war with malted milk is won, Let me stand with Heavenly throng, In a shining robe, size 30 long. I can do it Lord, If You'll show to me, The virtues of lettuce and celery. If You'll teach me the evil of mayonnaise, Of pasta a la Milannaise, Potatoes a la Lyonnaise, And crisp, fried chicken from the South. Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth! http://angelwinks.net/images/general...ralpod1273.jpg |
Food has been a big problem for me, more a mental and emotional factor than a physical one. Stuffing, not wanting to eat because of the swelling in my body, looking at my body as fat when in truth it is fluid.
It also was a sign that I wasn't eating healthy, when I eat three times a day, eat good foods, eat balanced meals, I can stay healthy. I seem to have trouble maintaining that balance. I am so grateful for my program that allows me to surrender, turn this part of my addiction over to my HP and know that I will get help and healing. I keep telling myself I am eating well. I look at what I eat and it seems okay, but when I get honest, I have to look at the quantity as well as the quality. For me it is generally less, not more like my other addictions. Yet I know, if I abuse it, I misuse it, I am using food and giving it the power. http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-...tures/0008.gif I know if I abuse it, I misuse it, I am using food and giving it the power. I am suppose to eat small 5 times a day according to the Diabetic Clinic I went to. My small becomes larger in portion, and sometimes with my weird sleeping patterns, the times are generally less. The making of healthy choice often gets changed in the moment. I get the "I wants" and I know I have reverted to old behaviours. As I have said many times, I become a Wanna Bee and belong on Romper Room. So glad this is a one day at a time program, and extra glad when I get new awareness, often on old situations that keep popping back up. I am grateful for that moment of pause that allows me to make a decision, and I think positive instead of negative. It is so much better to have a buddy, a sponsor, or family that is supportive. http://www.animated-gifs.eu/kids-animals/0025.gif |
When we don't feel like going to a meeting, it may be because our old overeating habit is trying to surface. We are never cured of our disease and we never outgrow our need for the strength, fellowship, and love we receive from OA meetings.
From today's Food for Thought Have an eating disorder, what I call part of my thinking, behind my dis-ease. I never went to OA meetings, but my sponsor had. We had opposite concepts, for her to lose weight was to die because she had been annorexic and for me to gain weight was to die, because my mother used food to deal with my father's disease. My sponsor had also been to Emotions Anonymous and ACoA. Like all addictions, some is good, more is better. When I picked up a substance, be it food, pills, alcohol, men (attention), etc. one was not enough, and when I had more, I couldn't stop, I still wanted more. When I reached a feeling, I couldn't stop there, I always needed more. When I had eaten to stuff a feeling, and the feeling was gone, the substance was still there, I needed more. I was only governed by the amount that was available. At 41 I decided I couldn't afford to keep myself in the style I had become accustomed. I made the decision that men were my problem and swore off them. I tried quitting drinking, and my pill intake increased along with the food and the thinking behind it. Going to meetings was what kept me alive and sober. Without meetings and the people in the group, I would not have stayed clean and sober. I had to quit all substances. It was my thinking not my drinking that was the problem. It wasn't my eating, it was my thinking behind the eating that made my life unmanageable. It is good to talk to someone who has been there and done it. About the only rooms I don't qualify for is Pot and Introvenous drugs. I had pot once and had a big resentment that I lost my alcohol and food. To top it off, we were at a restaurant owned by a friend, and we had just built up a big tab for same, and I lost it. I had to take the body and when I did, the mind followed. I didn't get this way overnight, so I didn't heal overnight. It was those beautiful people my God put in my life to help me along the way. The right person always seemed to arrive at the right time. http://www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-pigs-3/0007.gif |
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When I went I tried to take my program with me. I didn't put expectations on others, and allowed them to be themselves. They don't have program, I do and I need to work it. https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...-3hEOlCkW6q1qw |
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When I couldn't have sweets, I started to want and think about them. Don't tell an addict he/she can't have, that old mentality comes back, "Don't tell me 'No' watch me!" The courage to change, something I can't always do myself, and that is why I need a Higher Power and a willingness to change. |
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I had to stick close to the program and my God or I would have been grazing all day long. Some is good, more is not always better. |
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Am I willing to pay the price? Do I have the willingness to change? Am I willing to pray for the willingness to be willing? Just for today I am, yesterday I wasn't, I had chocolate pudding and a chocolate bar. I didn't test my blood sugar, because if it was low, I did need something, but not the whole thing. Like everything else, more is good but not better. |
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Friday, January 10, 2014
You are reading from the book Food for Thought Decision Someone has said that the hardest part of the OA program is making the decision to follow it. You can do just about anything once you make up your mind to do it! But the decision has to be firm and it must be the kind of commitment, which involves our deepest self. Many of us who are compulsive overeaters have spent our lives looking for an easier way to lose weight. We feel that there should be a magic solution somewhere, which will enable us to eat our cake and be thin at the same time. Our first reaction to the OA program is often one of dismay. It seems so drastic, and we protest that there must be an easier way. The OA program is not easy. Life is not easy. Rather than solving the problems and difficulties in our lives, overeating multiplies them. We in OA have been offered a new way of life. Each of us decides every day - and many times every day - whether or not we will choose the new life. May I decide to follow the program today. |
Saturday, January 11, 2014
You are reading from the book Food for Thought No Amount Is Enough For the compulsive overeater, one extra bite is too much and a thousand are not enough. No matter how much we eat, we are never "satisfied." We think we remember a time when a small extra treat made us feel completely satisfied and content, and we try desperately to recapture that sensation. The more we eat, the worse we feel. Now, rather than satisfying us, the one extra, compulsive bite triggers an insatiable craving which drives us to consume enormous quantities of unnecessary food. Sometimes we stuff ourselves until we are exhausted, physically ill, or have run out of things to eat, but we are still not satisfied. The more we eat, the more we want to eat. Each excess increases an already out of control appetite. Since no amount will ever be enough to produce the kind of satisfaction we seek, our only hope is to abstain from the first extra, compulsive bite. Honestly following a food plan and eliminating all excesses and binge foods will eventually bring our runaway appetites under control. Conscientiously working the steps of the OA program will day by day bring us the emotional and spiritual satisfactions, which we can never acquire from food. Lord, show me how to work for true satisfaction. |
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When I saw this tonight, I had the thought that I had needed to put more thought into this, because I not only slack off occasionally, but when it is said in rote, it doesn't have as much meaning. |
Monday, January 13, 2014
You are reading from the book Food for Thought Overeating is Hell When we fall into the trap of compulsive overeating, it is as though we are driven by some malevolent, diabolical force against which we are powerless. We know with our minds that we should stop eating, but by ourselves we cannot. A binge may start out pleasantly enough - just a taste here and there - but it eventually becomes torture. Because we know what we are doing to ourselves, we feel guilty while we are bingeing. We hate ourselves because we cannot stop. The more we eat, the more uncomfortable we become physically and mentally. Clothes constrict and we are stuffed and bloated. Our minds begin to race along old, negative, and irrational tracks. Anyone who gets in our way can be the object of our anger. We lose control, we are separated from our Higher Power, and we are in Hell. Let us not forget every day that the first compulsive bite opens the gates of Hell. Lord, deliver me from the Hell of overeating. |
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
You are reading from the book Food for Thought Willing to Go to Any Lengths To achieve success in this program, we are willing to go to any lengths. We want to stop eating compulsively more than anything else. We are willing to take the steps, which led to success for hundreds of others who have gone before us. When we put abstinence first in our lives, then we are willing to experience periods of hunger and craving as our appetites and our bodies adjust to the new food plan. We are willing to eat according to need, not greed. In times of stress and difficulty, we are willing to go to any lengths to stay on our program. This may involve going to extra meetings, making more phone calls, spending more time reading the literature and meditating. Whatever it takes to keep us abstinent is what we are willing to do. Most important, we are willing to turn our lives over to the care of God, as each of us understands Him. As we let ourselves be led hour-by-hour and day-by-day, our lives fall into place, and we are given inner joy and serenity. I pray that I may always be willing. |
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SLIP: Sobriety (Soundness of Mind) Loses It`s Priority. |
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Sometimes, tomorrow doesn't come and the opportunity is missed. |
Saturday, January 18, 2014
You are reading from the book Food for Thought Abstain or Overeat For the compulsive overeater, there is always one primary choice to be made. Will I abstain or will I overeat? For us, there is nothing in between. If we have hundreds of pounds to lose or if we have reached and are maintaining our goal weight, the choice is still the same. It is the key decision we make many, many times each day. We are free at each moment to choose which we will do. There is no magic, which will make us, abstains, and there is no force, which can compel us to swallow food we do not need. The choice is ours alone. No one graduates from OA. There is no point at which one can say, "This is it. I've got it made now." We are always aware of the fact that we are compulsive overeaters and are always one bite away from a binge. When we remember that abstaining or overeating is our primary choice, then other decisions become easier. To abstain is to choose life. To overeat is to choose death. May I maintain constant awareness of my primary choice. |
Saturday, January 18, 2014
You are reading from the book Food for Thought Abstain or Overeat For the compulsive overeater, there is always one primary choice to be made. Will I abstain or will I overeat? For us, there is nothing in between. If we have hundreds of pounds to lose or if we have reached and are maintaining our goal weight, the choice is still the same. It is the key decision we make many, many times each day. We are free at each moment to choose which we will do. There is no magic, which will make us, abstains, and there is no force, which can compel us to swallow food we do not need. The choice is ours alone. No one graduates from OA. There is no point at which one can say, "This is it. I've got it made now." We are always aware of the fact that we are compulsive overeaters and are always one bite away from a binge. When we remember that abstaining or overeating is our primary choice, then other decisions become easier. To abstain is to choose life. To overeat is to choose death. May I maintain constant awareness of my primary choice. |
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The same with food, there are comfort foods that we like to indulge in, but for me, food is food, and anything that I eat in access, can be a problem, be it sweet or savoury. |
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Wednesday, January 22, 2014
You are reading from the book Food for Thought There Is No Such Thing as "Have To" The serenity and insight, which we gain from this program, help us realize that we do not have to do anything. There is always a choice. We may even choose not to live. Our lives are gifts from our Higher Power, and the choice of what to do with them is ours. We can continue to overeat and watch our illness get progressively worse. We can isolate ourselves from other people and console ourselves with food. We can do as little as possible each day just in order to survive. We do not have to follow the program; we also do not have to overeat. We do not have to turn our lives over to God; we also do not have to continue to bear the burden of self and self-will. It is a proven fact of experience for countless people that the most satisfying thing to do with the life given to each of us is to give it back to our Higher Power to use as He wills. Thank You for my freedom, Lord. |
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Friday, January 24, 2014
You are reading from the book Food for Thought Humility It is the suffering we experience as a result of overeating compulsively, which eventually makes us humble enough to admit that we are powerless over food. Until we have the necessary humility, recovery is impossible. As long as we think we can successfully control and direct our lives by ourselves, we shall continue to fail. Some of us hit bottom sooner than others. If we are lucky, we can see where the disease is leading us and what the inevitable result will be if we do not find help from a source outside ourselves. Whether we hit a high bottom or a low bottom, when we finally reach it the only way to go is up. When we are humble enough to seek help by turning over our will, we shall find the help we need. Maintaining an attitude of humility is essential for our recovery. If we allow ourselves to fall into the trap of pride and egotism, we are headed for a slip. Understanding our weakness and dependence on God is the beginning of strength. May I be granted humility. |
Saturday, January 25, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Step One We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. —Step One of Al-Anon There are many different versions of the First Step for recovering codependents. Some of us admit powerlessness over alcohol or another's alcoholism. Some of us admit powerlessness over people; some over the impact of growing up in an alcoholic family. One of the most significant words in the First Step is the word we. We come together because of a common problem, and, in the coming together, we find a common solution. Through the fellowship of Twelve Step programs, many of us discover that although we may have felt alone in our pain, others have experienced a similar suffering. And now many are joining hands in a similar recovery. We. A significant part of recovery. A shared experience. A shared strength, stronger for the sharing. A shared hope - for better lives and relationships. Today, I will be grateful for the many people across the world who call themselves "recovering codependents." Help me know that each time one of us takes a step forward, we pull the entire group forward. |
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