October 16

Wisdom for Today

How is it that we discover that we are alcoholics or addicts? Sometimes I wish it had been easier for me to figure that out for myself. It really would have been nice if I simply could have taken a simple blood test or something. But addiction is not that simple; it is more than physical. A blood test would only test for physical aspects of a disease. Addiction has psychological and social aspects, not to mention the spiritual deterioration. It took a while, but eventually I began to recognize just how mentally and socially impaired I had become. It took even longer to realize how spiritually bankrupt I was.

In recovery I began to realize how obsessed my thinking was and how self-absorbed I was. I had to begin to stop my preoccupation with drinking and drugging. I had to let my mind clear up and get out of the fog I was in. I had to learn to make changes in my life and begin to make new friends at meetings. Once my body and mind and social life started to straighten out, I then realized how important it would be for me to foster a relationship with a Higher Power. It was only in development of this relationship with "God, as I understand Him," that I began to be freed from fear. Do I realize that recovery is much more than physical?

Meditations for the Heart

If I am to really open myself to the Spiritual Realm, then I must rid myself of selfish ambition. I must open myself to being an instrument of God. God can and does work in and through people. I have seen this in the lives of people who have helped me the most along this path of recovery. What has really amazed me is that God works in and through me when I open myself up to His will. There have been many times when I am talking to others struggling to recover, and I am surprised to hear the words that come out of my mouth. These words are not what I probably would have said, but they are the words that God would want me to say. God never ceases to show that He really does care about addicts and alcoholics. The evidence is the incredible number of people who are clean and sober today because of the grace of God. Do I open myself to be an instrument of God's work? Do I give back to the program?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today I ask that You remove any self-centeredness I have. Help me be open to Your will for my life, and give me the power to carry out Your will for me. Help me to be open to helping others and giving back to the program. Continue to amaze me each and every day.
Amen.

October 17

Wisdom for Today

“You can’t keep it, unless you give it away.” This is a statement I have heard repeatedly at meetings, and yet it is something that all too often we forget. It is easy to get caught up in our own issues and forget that unless we help others we will not gain what the program offers. I have found over and over again that when I reach out to a newcomer or someone who is in need that my difficulties seem much smaller. It is easier to establish and maintain an attitude of gratitude. It seems paradoxical that by helping others, I am really helping myself; but that is how it works.

When I get caught up in myself, I become more and more self-centered. I can become more angry and irritated. I can get into the self-pity trip. My pain and my fears seem bigger. However, when I reach out to others and share my experiences in recovery and using the steps, I am surprised to find that my life is easier. Often times I find that I am better able to self-assess and can choose wisely how best to proceed with my own problems simply because I tell others about my disease and my recovery. Do I take enough time to really reach out to others in the program?

Meditations for the Heart

Offering our experience to others is only half of the story. The other half is my willingness to reach out and ask for help when I need it. Probably the best definition of recovery I have ever heard goes like this, “You take your current set of problems and trade them in for a better set of problems; then you trade that set of problems in for a better set of problems.” No one said that recovery would ever mean I would be totally problem free, but I must admit that the problems I face now are certainly better than the ones I used to have. One thing is for sure, the steps can help me with whatever problem I face. I guess that is why Step Twelve ends with, “and practice these principles in all our affairs.” Do I ask for help from others in the program when I need it?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
I really don’t know what this day will bring my way. If this day provides me an opportunity to share my experiences with those in need, let me speak openly. If this day brings new problems, let me willingly ask for help.
Amen.

October 18

Wisdom for Today

If I ingest poison, it will make me sick and may even kill me. This is exactly what alcohol and drugs did to me. Drinking and using made me sick, and it almost killed me. In many ways I look back amazed that I made it through my active illness. Today I look at drugs and alcohol as a poison for me. It makes me sick. This is not to say that all drugs are bad, or even that alcohol is poison for everyone. I just know they are poison for me. This does not mean that I won’t take a drug if my doctor prescribes it. It just means that I will be honest with my doctor about my addiction, so that I am not tempted to play games. I know for myself that I must tell on my disease; I can’t hide it anymore. Addiction does not like being exposed.

As I stop and think about it, the same is true with each of the problems I have in my life. And this is what the steps teach us. We must tell on our disease and expose it to the light of the steps. This is why we do a Fourth and Fifth Step, to shed light on the exact nature of our wrongs. This is why we make amends and why we seek to improve our conscious contact with God. We need to shed light into our lives. Am I still stumbling in the dark?

Meditations for the Heart

Somehow I need to find a way to be closer to my Higher Power. The closer I get to the true Bread of Life, the more I am filled with an inner peace. The more I am in communion with my Higher Power, the stronger the relationship becomes. It was no different with my drugs. The more time I spent getting drunk or wasted, the stronger the relationship became. The bondage of addiction had me, and I couldn’t escape. The program has changed all that for me. Now I want to be closer and closer to my Higher Power. I want that freedom. Do I seek to improve my relationship with God daily?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today let me draw nearer to You. Give me the wisdom and willingness to seek You out in all that I do. Give me the courage to keep the light of the Twelve Steps burning brightly in my life. Help me to do the next right thing.
Amen.

October 19

Wisdom for Today

Taking responsibility for my actions or my feelings, I seldom did this in my addiction. Generally I tried to find someone or something else to blame. “I wouldn’t be this way if…” or “It’s all her fault…” I just couldn’t seem to accept responsibility for anything. I would lie, or hide, or avoid or do just about anything to avoid saying that it was my responsibility. I certainly did not want to blame my problems on my addiction because then I might have to give it up. One relationship I was interested in protecting was my relationship with drugs and alcohol.

In recovery I have learned that I must take responsibility for my actions, behavior and feelings. There are still days when it would be much easier to blame someone else, but I can’t afford to do this. I have to take responsibility, first and foremost, for my recovery. I am not staying clean and sober for anyone else other than me. I also must take responsibility for my actions and my feelings. Yes, I still get angry or afraid; but it is what I do with those feelings that is important. I can strike out at others or even get self-destructive. I can sit and pout or get into self-pity, or I can choose to deal with my feelings in healthier ways. I can blame or I can admit that I am human and make mistakes. Am I being responsible for my behavior and feelings today? Am I being responsible for my recovery?

Meditations for the Heart

Sometimes I just don’t understand where the fear suddenly comes from; but I open my eyes, and it feels like monsters surround me. Those monsters all have names: worry, anxiety, judgment, condemnation and many others. Each of us has our own set of monsters, those things or people or situations we just dread dealing with. Life would be so much simpler if we did not have these monsters. Life is not like that; everyone has these issues. When my heart starts pounding and I get that lump in my throat, it is important for me to take a deep breath and remember that I am not alone. There are all those addicts and alcoholics that went before me and had to face the same monsters. There is my Higher Power who truly is my best friend. When I am surrounded by fear, I must remember I am not alone. I also must remember to think so that I do not act foolishly or impulsively. Do I know I am not alone?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today brings new challenges and even new rewards. Help me to make responsible choices for my recovery and myself. Remind me that I am not alone. Help me to trust that You will indeed help me in every situation I face. Keep me growing in my recovery, and let me bear good fruit.
Amen.

October 20

Wisdom for Today

Sometimes when people ask me what my drug of choice was, I respond, “More!” The reality was that one was never enough; I always wanted more. One drink, one joint, one pile of white powder, one hit was never enough. One simply started the obsession for more. When I first tried to quit using, I thought that simply detoxing myself was all that I needed to do. If I could get through the physical craving, I would have it licked. I was wrong. The reality was that I quit hundreds of times, but I could never stay quit. That led me to my next mistake, a belief that if I just had enough willpower I could end the insanity. But even those times that I was really committed and wanted to stop using, I could not. The quick fix did not work.

These failures led me to a place of hopelessness. It never occurred to me to ask for help. Fortunately when I was directed to the program, I saw people who were just like me, only clean and sober. They had found a way to do something I could not do. They found a way to arrest their disease. They found the answer to a problem I needed to solve. I wanted what they had. So I kept going back to find out how they did it. Each of us takes a different path to arrive at the same door. The answers lie beyond that doorway to recovery. Yet each of us must choose whether or not we will walk through that door. Have I given up on trying to find a quick fix and accepted the need to work the steps?

Meditations for the Heart

Early on I found myself getting flustered a lot. It seemed that everything was going wrong, even though I had stopped drinking and using. I was continuing to experience the consequences of my disease. I was disappointed that my family and friends did not automatically trust me again. I was concerned because my finances seemed to get worse, even though I was not buying drugs and alcohol anymore. This is where the steps really started to work for me. I remember reading Step Two over and over. I listened at meetings and heard others talk about how their life did not calm down until they, “let go absolutely.” I had to stop trusting myself to fix the problems and learn to trust in a Power Greater, who could restore me to sanity. As I started to do this, I found a deep inner sense of calm. The problems didn’t automatically disappear, but they no longer bothered me in the same way. Do I believe that I can have that inner calmness even in the face of life’s problems?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
You know that sometimes I slip back into old behavior and rely on myself. Each time I do this, I find that I loose that sense of inner calm. Help me today to simply use what I know works. Take the problems that I face today, and walk with me along this pathway of recovery.
Amen.

October 21

Wisdom for Today

Sometimes this disease just makes me angry. But then I think all addicts and alcoholics have a similar feeling. When I started out, drinking and drug use were my friends. I used to have a really good time with my friends. I would laugh, and I would dance. I thought I could conquer the world. I certainly felt like I was on top of the world most of the time. Then my friends started to betray me. Alcohol and drugs soon became my enemies. I really can't pinpoint the moment this started to happen, but I have a lot of evidence that indeed alcohol and drugs were out to hurt me -- and not just me, but also those around me. Now that I have been convinced that drinking and are my enemy, I have only one choice. I must go about the work of staying clean and sober.

Even in recovery I still find myself at times angry at this disease. As I have walked through the steps, I have been given constant reminders of the betrayal I went through. My Fourth and Fifth Steps gave ample proof of the ravages of this disease. I have other reminders along the way. Character defects, making amends and practicing the principles of the steps in all my affairs - each has its own way of reminding me of the disease. Fortunately the program also teaches me things that help me to let go of my anger and teaches me how to heal from the wounds of betrayal. Am I using the steps to find healing in my life?

Meditations for the Heart

At first learning to rely on "God, as I understand Him," was not easy. Despite extensive religious training growing up, I found it hard to trust that "God could and would if He were sought." Yet when it came right down to it, I had no other choice. My way just did not work. I had to risk trusting in a Higher Power. In some ways this was one of the most difficult things I had to do in recovery. Looking back, I am really glad I did take that risk. I can truly say that my life has not been the same since. It is absolutely wonderful to have a friend who will never betray me and never turn His back on my requests for help. I can say with confidence that God has become my best friend in recovery. Do I see that turning my will and my life to God, as I understand Him, will lead to a great friendship?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today let me not be consumed with anger or resentment. Fill me with gratitude as I walk through this day. Teach me to be open, honest and willing. And thanks for being my friend.

Amen.

October 22

Wisdom for Today

I used to run a business to support my addiction. My business involved telling lots of lies, hiding out, scamming and manipulation. I had to work real hard to keep my business running. But I had to work hard so that I could keep drinking and drugging. I made an awful lot of people miserable running my business, not just myself. As my business progressed right along with my disease, I became willing to do anything to keep my business afloat.

In recovery I have a new business. Staying clean and sober is a full-time job. I go to meetings and talk with my sponsor as a part of my business of staying clean and sober. I work at the steps. I try to help other addicts and alcoholics as a part of my business. I spend time in prayer and meditation. And like any well-run business, I take inventory. I always want to remember what running the other business was like. I never want to forget that alcohol and drugs are my enemy, seeking to poison my life. Am I running my recovery business like I need to?

Meditations for the Heart

Sometimes even in recovery things get shaken up. When situations arise or problems seem to cause my emotions to run wild, it becomes very important for me to steal away and talk with my Higher Power. When my spirit is in a state of unrest, it is vital for me to again seek out that inner calm. There is only one place that I have always found that quietness in my soul - when I am in quiet conversation with God. Conversation means that I not only speak, but I also need to listen. In that quiet place I can again find the strength I need, and I can quiet the unrest in my heart. I can begin to think clearly again. Then when I have found that sense of inner calm, I need to talk with my sponsor or a close friend who can help me sort through what is going on in my life. This process has proven over and over again to help me get through the tough times. If I don't seek inner calm and talk with others, I risk opening the door for my enemies - alcohol and drugs - to come inside and play. Do I know what to do in times of unrest?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today let me walk confidently in the knowledge that the steps work. Let me use the principles of the program to help me when things get crazy and shaken up. When I call out to You in distress, help me to find that inner calm. Quiet my unrest and help me to seek out feedback from those people that I know will help me.
Amen.

October 23

Wisdom for Today

Every once in a while it is important to sit back and think about all the good things that have happened as a result of recovery. At the top of the list has to be staying clean and sober. I am clean and sober today not because of something I did, but because of something that happened in my life. I never could have done this on my own, and it certainly is the most wonderful gift that recovery has given to me. None of the other gains would be possible without this gift. Certainly there are many other gifts that the program provides, but none is more precious than this.

Most of us in recovery have much to be grateful for. Most of us have jobs that we probably would not have if we stayed active in our addiction. Most of us have families in which relationships were broken and rebuilt in the recovery process. Most of us have real friends, people who genuinely care about us. These friends stand ready to offer a helping hand when needed. Most of us have a new sense of self, who we are on the inside and what we value. These are the gifts of the program. Do I realize that I probably would have none of these things if I didn't have sobriety?

Meditations for the Heart

When life seems to be a mess, I find myself feeling like I am wandering in a desert. My first reaction is to try to find a way out of the desert. I want to run until everything around me is green again. I've tried to find my way out of the desert more than once in recovery. I just kept getting lost. What I have learned over time is that finding my way out of the mess is not important. What is important is finding my Higher Power in the mess. It is only when I seek out God that I am reminded of all that He has to offer me. I find peace and strength and answers when I seek out God. I am also reminded of all that I have gained in recovery. When my heart is calm and I have an attitude of gratitude, the desert seems to disappear. The problems I have suddenly feel manageable. Do I seek out God when my life is in distress?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
Today I see that I have much for which to be grateful. I know that none of this would be possible without Your Divine intervention. Help me to always remember to be grateful for what I have received in recovery. Teach me not to panic when life seems unmanageable. Help me to trust that You are always there to help me.
Amen.

October 24

Wisdom for Today

When I was active in my addiction, I spent a lot of time in preparation. I spent time preoccupied with how I would get the money, with whom I would drink or use and where and when I would get high. It became a ritual to plan my next drunk or party time. I was always thinking ahead and planning out the lies I would need to tell to cover up or hide my addiction. I always had to cover my tracks. Paranoia and fear were my companions.

In recovery things are not so different. I still spend time in preparation. Only now I am preparing myself for that critical moment when the thought of drinking or getting high returns to my thinking. This is just part of the reason I go to meetings. It helps me prepare. Recovery has taught me many other rituals, but these rituals are healthy. I spend time each morning preparing for the day by reading my daily meditations. I spend time working on the steps. I talk with others, who like myself, want to stay clean and sober. One thing that is different is that I don’t spend time planning my next lie. I am no longer living in fear. Do I do the things that are needed to stay prepared?

Meditations for the Heart

Sometimes I wonder about all the prayers that are said that go unanswered simply because of impatience. Too often I see people, including myself, growing impatient with God. Our response is to grab the road map out of God’s hands and take back control of the direction our lives should take. Sometimes it is very hard not to grow impatient. However, many times I have found that if I waited a little while longer, God will give me clear direction. I do not always get the answer I expect or the answer I want, but I find that I always get the answer I need. I don’t always get the problem I have solved, but I find that I always get the strength I need to deal with the problem. Today I have learned that my Higher Power will answer my prayers. Do I wait patiently for God’s answers to my prayers?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today let me spend time in preparation so that I am ready when that critical moment comes into my life. Let me be honest as I walk through this day. Help me to be patient and trust that You indeed will answer my prayers. Help me to be confident that You will give me the direction I need.

Amen.

October 25

Wisdom for Today

It seems to me that all of us are faced with three choices when we look at the concept of God, as we understand Him. I do believe there is a significant variation within these three choices, but I have accepted that each of us in recovery really have only these three choices. The first choice is that there is a God. The second choice is there is no god. And the third choice is, I am god. I think these are the choices we all face.

Looking at these choices, it is easy to see that I am not god. While it is true that I have gravitated to behaving this way at times, when I try and control the universe and make things go my way and in my time, I can see that I am not powerful enough to be god. I could choose to believe there is no god, but this would make me believe that the universe has no origin and simply rushes about going nowhere. That’s practically impossible to believe. The last choice is to believe there is a God, who cares about all people. I have no problem believing in a higher power - alcohol and drugs certainly were more powerful than I. I turned my will and my life over to addiction and watched my life being destroyed. I have also seen many miracles at meetings - people who were just as beaten down as I was, who were freed from the bondage to this disease. Who did that? Do I believe there is a Higher Power that can and does restore addicts and alcoholics?

Meditations for the Heart

The spiritual life is filled with choices. Do I believe, am I willing to trust, will I wait, and can I let go are just a few of the choices. Each day brings new spiritual choices. The sad thing is that most of us don’t take the time to see these choices. This refusal to see these choices paradoxically in and of itself is a choice. Every situation that I face in every day that I live, I have spiritual choices. Do I have to control this, or do I have to do this all by myself, or can I ask for help are a part of my days. I can choose to believe, and I can choose to look at life through spiritual eyes. Or I can walk blindly through my days. Do I look for ways to include spirituality in my decision making process?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Too often I walk through my day with blinders on and refuse to see the whole picture that is life. Help me to take these blinders off and see the spiritual side of life as well. Let me find new ways to open my eyes as I walk through this day.
Amen.

October 26

Wisdom for Today

I want to be alcohol and drug free for the rest of my days. For a long time I was not sure this would be possible. I always feared relapse. Somewhere along the road to recovery I discovered that this really was not up to me, and I am glad it is not. What I learned was that if I relied on myself, there would always be a risk for returning to addictive use. However, when I realized that if I left this up to God, I no longer needed to worry about or fear relapse. This did not mean that I could stop working the steps or going to meetings, but it did mean that if I surrendered to my Higher Power's will for me that I could be confident that He would not lead me back into addiction.

Instead I have been led on an incredible journey through the steps. Sometimes the path was rocky and steep, and the climb was hard. Sometimes I found that my life changed in remarkable ways, and I found new freedoms. Each step along the way, God has walked with me. Thus far, by the grace of God, I have not wanted to go back to the insanity. As time passes, I grow more and more confident that God is leading me on a path that does not involve relapse. This is not to say, it has been easy. In fact, I have had some very difficult challenges in recovery. Yet I am always led though these difficult times and find growing evidence that my Higher Power really does care for me. Am I turning over my will and my life to His care?

Meditations for the Heart

In the Big Book is a line that says, "Half measures availed us nothing." There is no place this is truer than with our spiritual lives. I can put hours and hours of effort into working at change in my life. Yet if I ignore my spiritual development or only go halfway in my spiritual effort, all my work can fall apart. I learned this from old-timers in the program. I was told, " Never be afraid to ask God for help or for what you need." In recognizing some of my character defects, I found that they were not easy to let go of. I could work and work at trying to change my behavior, and nothing would change. Then I would talk with my sponsor, and he would ask me if I had prayed for willingness to let go. I, of course, would say that I asked God to remove the defect. My sponsor again would ask if I prayed for willingness. When I finally would stop being stubborn and would listen, I realized that I had been praying for the wrong thing. I needed to be entirely ready to let go of this defect. There was a part of me that always wanted to hang on to my old behavior. Only in spiritual preparation did I become ready to let go. Do I prepare myself spiritually for change?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today help me to be open to spiritual development. Give me courage to use all measures necessary for change. Let me be willing to follow where You lead me. Let me always surrender my will and follow Your will for me.
Amen.

October 27

Wisdom for Today

Perhaps the most important gift we receive from the program is the ability to form or renew our relationship with a Higher Power. We now have a Divine Principle that we can use to guide our life. I have learned again to trust in this leader that I call God. The pathway of recovery is not always easy. Life still has its problems, but I can now turn to this leader and ask for direction.

Some of us struggle with this spiritual concept. We want everything handed to us on a silver platter. We want to put God in the driver’s seat and simply go along for the ride. God does not work like this. We have to walk the walk; He will not walk it for us. It is only when we rely on God for direction and strength but are willing to do the work that this spiritual principle will begin to work for us. Am I willing to do the work and rely on God for guidance and strength?

Meditations for the Heart

As a child, I recall playing a game called follow the leader. The point of the game was simply to follow and do what the leader was doing. I remember laughing out loud and having fun with all the other kids who played the game. Every so often we would change leaders, and there were times I would get a chance to lead. The Twelve Step program is much like this. When we come to the program, we are hungry for someone to show us the way. We spend time doing what we are shown by others who have been successful. We spend time learning and doing the steps. After we have learned how to play the game of recovery, we are given a chance to lead. We spend time with the newcomers. We begin to teach the principles. Whom do I follow on the path of recovery? Do I stick with the winners?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Let me always remember to look to You for direction. Let me see that there are people in the program who can help show me the way. As I become more solid in my recovery, give me opportunities to lead newcomers along the path to recovery. Guide me in all that I do today.
Amen.

October 28

Wisdom for Today

When I first walked into a meeting, there were signs hanging on the wall. I’m not sure why I remember this because I spent most of my time staring at the floor. I was having a difficult time breathing. I was scared. I don’t think I remember much more about the meeting itself. The thoughts in my head were racing, and I couldn’t think straight. I remember a few people coming up to me after the meeting and welcoming me.

On the way out of the building, I remember looking at one of the signs. It said, “But for the Grace of God.” I knew early on that I was alive only because of Divine Intervention. By all rights my drinking and drugging should have killed me. On more than one occasion it almost did. Even though I was till breathing, on the inside I felt dead. Was there a reason I was still breathing? Time has shown me that God has plans for me. I’m not always sure where He is leading me, but I have come to trust that His grace will lead me to a good place. Do I believe that a Power Greater than myself has plans for me?

Meditations for the Heart

One thing that surprised me was how easily everyone shared at meetings. I was not used to sharing anything, unless I had a hidden agenda. And the things that were shared also surprised me. It was not just at the meetings; but I had many people in the program offering to share their time, or to give me a ride or even to buy me dinner. I was surprised by how easy it was for addicts and alcoholics to do this. Now I find that I am doing the same things. It is really amazing what happens when you begin to share with others. Sometimes you see changes, and at other times you do not, but what amazed me was the changes I saw in me. I became different by sharing and helping others.

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today I will be given opportunities to share with others. Help me not to be selfish, but to give freely. I am grateful for all the people You sent my way to share their experience, strength and hope. Let me now give back what has been given to me.
Amen.

October 29

Wisdom for Today

When I first came into the program, I really didn't want to stop drinking or using. What I wanted was to find a way to learn how to control my use. I wanted to find a way to get out of all the trouble I was in. However, as I attended more and more meetings, I slowly began to realize that drinking and drugging were not normal. I began to recognize that I couldn't control my use, because it controlled me. I began to understand that I no longer was able to choose to drink or not. Drinking and drugging were making all my choices for me. As I began to honestly look at my using career, it became evident that I was addicted to alcohol and drugs. I was powerless, and my life was out of my control.

This realization was overwhelming at first. I was scared, because if I couldn't control my life, who could? If I wasn't able to choose, what was I going to do? Yet in admitting that I was powerless, I soon discovered that I had only one choice left. If I couldn't stop on my own, then something or someone outside of myself was my only hope. I had religion shoved down my throat growing up. The thought of asking God for help seemed distasteful to me, but I really didn't have any other choice. So in utter defeat I reached out again to God for help, and am I glad I did. Trusting in a Power Greater than myself was not easy. Yet, over time I was able to believe that God was indeed helping me. Has step two given me new hope?

Meditations for the Heart

Some days I am faced with new problems in recovery. It is easy to want to try to fix these problems all by myself. This invariably gets me back into trouble. I always have to go back to step two and admit that the only way I can deal with life is with the help of a Power Greater. When I get stubborn or prideful or arrogant, I loose perspective; and the solutions seem hidden to me. Yet when I open myself to humbly asking for God's help, I am always pointed in the direction of many possibilities. It becomes much easier to deal with life's problems when I have multiple answers and solutions to choose from. Suddenly, my life becomes restored to sanity. Do I have sanity when I try to fix my life's problems all by myself?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,
You know that sometimes I find it difficult to turn to You for direction. Help me to learn from those times when I become stubborn, or prideful or arrogant. Let me see that turning to You for help opens many doors for me and helps me choose solutions that will indeed help me with life's problems. Let me walk humbly with You today.
Amen.

October 30

Wisdom for Today

Telling your story can be a very important part of the recovery process. Each time I am asked to share my experience, strength and hopes, I am tempted to say, "No;" but I open my mouth and the word, "Yes," comes out. I am tempted to say, "No," because I don't think I will be able to help others; but that is not the point. The real reason to tell your story is to help yourself. It is a selfish program. I find as I go through my history, I am surprised to see how far I have come. I am also surprised by how far I still need to go. As I talk, I can still see areas of my life where I need to grow.

As I share my addiction and recovery history, I can see areas of my life where tremendous change has occurred. I can see that God indeed has been doing for me what I could not do for myself. Sometimes I recall some of my past behavior and realize that I still have amends to make, or I see there was a time when I really got off track. After the meeting, I usually have many other addicts or alcoholics come up to me and thank me for sharing. Often times they talk about how they could relate to both my struggles and my triumphs. I always thank them, because if it weren't for people just like them, the program would not exist. Am I grateful to have people like this in my life? Do I willingly share my story when asked?

Meditations for the Heart

The program offers a significant amount of literature that will instruct you about the Twelve Steps and the recovery process. I have found that reading about the program and the steps has been very beneficial for me. Each time I open a book, I find that I learn something new or reinforce something that I already knew. But where the real changes have come for me in my thinking or beliefs has been when I discuss what I have read. Using the Twelve Step program is a "we" process. If all I do is read about the program, it stays an "I" process. It has only been through this discussion that I have learned to challenge my misconceptions and increased my understanding. It is through talking with others that I have learned practical application of the steps and the principles of the program. It is in talking things through with others that I uncover my own denial and blind spots. Do I read program literature and discuss it with others regularly?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Each day You provide me with more opportunities to learn about and apply the principles of the program. Help me to utilize these opportunities to grow in my understanding and application of the steps. Let me be open to hearing others’ opinions and beliefs. Give me wisdom to sort through this information and "take what works and leave the rest."

Amen.