I Am Your Disease
 

Just a little reminder so you won't forget.

Hello, I Am Your Disease!

I Hate meetings...I Hate higher powers...I Hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.

Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I Am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That's Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased.

I love to catch you with the element of suprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, haven't I? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me?
I was there, I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I Love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can't feel anything at all.

This is true gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term suffering. I've been there for you always.

When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes, they take seriously. Fools.

Without my help these things would not be possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, Your meeting, Your higher power. All of these things weaken me, and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me but I am
growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live I may only exist. But I am here...

And until we meet again, If we meet again, I wish you death and suffering.

Like to think of it as my dis-ease. It isn't about the drugs and alcohol, it is about me. They are but a symptom of my disease and why I look outside of myself for something to make me feel better.

The insanity is in those words, outside of ourselves. Other people, places, and things are not the problem. Every time I point the finger at someone or thing, I have three fingers coming back at me. Do I look at myself three times after I have pointed that one finger.

The isms of my dis-ease, "I, Self, and Me."

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Every-Day-Addict

" We can never fully recover, no matter how long we stay clean."

Basic Text p. 80

Love the title. That is what I am! An every day addict, who will use 'something' to hide from her reality, unless I live in the moment and have that conscious contact with my Higher Power. It may not be my drug of choice, and yet I can still pick up that blanket of denial or escape into another world because I can't or don't want to face the reality of the moment.

Being human, I often fail and the difference today is not beating myself up for not always living up to my expectations or that of others.

All I am asked to do 'TRY' nothing more, nothing less. The normal thing for an addict to do is use. Whether it is solid, liquid, or the flesh and blood variety, I can slip back into the stinking thinking. I am given daily reprieve from the action of picking up when I stop to remember that it is an inanimate object and can not hurt me unless I make the decision to use it to alter my mood, situation and circusmatances.

Just for today, I choose not to use.

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