LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO - AUGUST 2014
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I was told that the in between space, is a place of just being, often marking time. Waiting for the door to close on the last lesson, issues, or what ever you were process, and waiting for a new door or window to open, so you can move forward in your recovery. It doesn't means we are done, and maybe we still have a few things yet to learn before we can move forward. Making things happen and pushing boundaries don't work, you often find yourself back in the same place, waiting on your God time, instead of acting on you own. Why do I think I know? Because I did it, wore the t-shirt! |
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I didn't know I had a right to say "No!" because I got hit or slapped in the face. I didn't know I had the power. I was the victim, martyr, scapegoat, and all those other roles we played to try to keep someone else happy. In relationships in recovery, I would think, "I have been here before." I would recognize it for what it was, "Abuse!" That isn't acceptable any more, and if we could come to an understanding, he was gone. |
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I have found that no matter how much you have, you spend it. Most times we spend more and have to pay it back, robbing Peter to pay Paul, which is really stealing from yourself. The more you have,the more you want, sounds a little like an addict to me. |
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Sometimes we have issues and it was often of our own making, because I didn't look for a spiritual solution before I took action. She always says it better than me, she always seems to write what I have been thinking. |
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http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/m...f-no-3649.html |
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Ask and it shall be given onto you. As my meditations said one time, "Give thanks, it is already on the way." |
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Love this
I wish I could burn this into my memory. I guess that my life experiences are trying to do just that!
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It is one day at a time, it isn't always about learning new, sometimes it is reinforcing the new that you have learned along the way. Sometimes we get a new perception, and what was is no more. This is a disease of perception.
Thank you so much for sharing, hope you continue to come. :13: |
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Tell it as it is. Even if you aren't in the same place someone else (some times that is a good thing), it is okay, it is where you are at. It is about you and your God working the program together. You might not be where they are at, you might not have gotten there yet, or just maybe you have a deeper understanding, or a different outlook. It is okay, if you are wrong, that is okay, your God will bring you there. I was told there is no wrong or right way of doing things, it is a direct contact with my God and working with Him, talking to my sponsor, and going to meetings. My meetings are on line, so that is why I try to be direct with you. |
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I was told to be my own best friend. If I couldn't be friendly with myself, how could I be friendly with others. As the lady at the bridge club said, "How to find a good partner/friend, be one!" |
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When I came into recovery, I knew I had something, wasn't sure it was a feeling, and I sure didn't know what to call them. How can you label something and process it if you haven't allowed yourself to feel and stuffed them with alcohol, street and prescription drugs, food, relationships, shopping, gambling, work, church and service, anything to take us out of ourselves because we didn't like where we were at. My solution was pick up a book and I had to learn to examine my motive and intent. I would turn on music and the TV, and again was it for my entertainment, something for my Higher Good and well being, even if it was for fun, it was, again a question of am I fearful of being alone with myself and am I unwilling to dealing with my issues at hand or my feelings that seem to overwhelm me, instead of being still and taking time with my God, to remove the fear and allow faith to come in; then I can watch TV or read a book. |
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After having a piece of anniversary cake I told myself I shouldn't have a brownie. I found my self eating one and a song came on my digital music station on my TV, "Another nail in my coffin." Perhaps I should quit listening to these old boozing classics that say poor, poor me, pour me another one. That chocolate is a nail in my coffin, and I will find that Metformin is not going to be enough and I am going to find myself on Insulin. http://www.metrolyrics.com/drivin-na...-thompson.html I heard the phrase tonight that reminded me of how I felt when I came into recovery. It was, "Stop the world I want to get off." and I have been finding myself in an uncaring about myself, and thinking, "What the Heck!" Very grateful for the awareness, thankful that my God and I can work on this and I don't have to continue using food to escape reality. It doesn't matter what substance I choose to use, substitution doesn't work and it all leads to the same soul sickness. I can't say, "Well I didn't pick up a drink or a drug." Food is a drug! I am powerless over people, places, and things. Thanks for letting me share. |
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It is so true, "This to shall pass," the good times and the not so good times. |
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It is so true, "This to shall pass," the good times and the not so good times. Healing thought may be sent your way, it is up to you as to whether you choose to accept them. |
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As it says, "We don't always find it easy to accept, but we don't have to like it, we just need to accept, it is the key to willingness and moving on with our life. |
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I have always had a false sense of responsibility, and I took on what was not mine, and I would be shamed because I couldn't cope. If I try to take on the job of three people, and can't cope and I pop pills, eat, and/or escape using other things, which can be simple things at the beginning, but it gets to where it over takes our life and everything else is second nature in my life. Pray has always worked for me. Sometimes it is continuous prayer, because the old can sometimes come back and become the new. |
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You can't communicate and have a relationship if you are talking to a brick wall, so I just had to let go, and not take on his/her stuff. I had to learn to take my Q-Tip with me everywhere I went, I had to quit taking it personally. |
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Those old tapes are killers. I even found God to be an old tape, I had to go on a Spiritual Quest to see who and what my God meant to me and build a new relationship with Him daily. I didn't lose my long-time beliefs, I just learned more and that God was much bigger than any pre-conceived idea that I ever had. It is like the old saying, "Just because you sat in a pew, sang in the choir, taught Sunday School, and much more, doing service in the church is good, but it doesn't do you any good unless you are a believer and not just reading the words or saying them from memory, to my way of thinking it comes from the heart and a place of Love. Maybe because I rebelled for so many years, especially about the rules and regulations of the church, that when I came into recovery I had to change my attitude and my perspective to include them. I used my Bible for my first year of recovery and found out that I needed more, if I wanted to stay clean and sober and let go of old habits, behaviours and ways of thinking. My God is as He reveals Himself in today. My God utilizes people, places, and things to show me a better way of living. He also shows me people, places and things that are harmful to my sobriety. That doesn't mean they are wrong, it just means it is not right for me. It doesn't mean that won't change, but for the most part, I have been there, done it, and wore the T-Shirt (seem to have collected a lot of them), especially with family and friends. Both my parents passed young, especially my mom who died at 40 because of her food addiction. They are no longer here, but thanks to the program, I understand where they both were coming from. |
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My friend and I were sharing about this, how people go away to detach from the chaos around them. My first sponsor told me that I could do the same. Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door. Don't do things that you don't like and nurture yourself. When I tried, I found out that I was spoiling myself rotten, so again, like all things, it is about balance. |
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It takes a lot of self-honesty to do a complete Step 8. We often don't realize how much we have hurt the people around us, we think we are hurting only ourselves. This is especially not true because we are generally numbed out and not aware how hurtful we can be in active addiction, let alone the person we have become as a result of our disease. It is about healing and become a new person. Sometimes it is going back to what we were before, but if we didn't have a God back then, then I found it to become a new being who walk with my God. Amend isn't about saying I am sorry. It isn't about I am sorry, I will try not to do it again. It is about changing so we won't even think of doing it again, then apologize for the person that was and asking for forgiveness to the person who is in today. I used people, places and things, and in today, I try to the best of my ability not to do that. I make a list and get honest. Not all the people on the list will require an amend. As it says in AA, "Except when to do so, will harm others and ourselves." Many people have passed on and not a part of my life. I say a prayer for them and if I should cross their path, then I will make that amend. I don't have the money and the transportation to search for them, even if I knew where they are, I just know that God will put them in my path if the need is there. It has happened that way for me. Some people have passed on, including my parents and I wrote in my journal about them and sent them a letter. My aunt said, "You already apologized dear, you don't have to do it again (after a new bout of awareness), just continue doing what you are doing, you are fine. She did't know the meaning of F.I.N.E. (Frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and emotional). Have found that some people didn't even see a need for an amend. That was okay, I didn't do it for them, they can accept or not accept, it is about me and my recovery, and my state of mind. Write down names and you will either cross some off and/or add more. A lot for me were a result of false responsibility and as they say, fear (false evidence appeariing real) and doing and sayiing what I thought I was suppose to do, especially if it made them happy and I thought that was an act or a response I was suppose to make as a result of old tapes. It was about me getting honest with me. |
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Finally, I became willing to be willing to make the amend. I got on the bus and said, "I will stop on the way back from my doctor's appointment." I looked out the bus window and saw a bankruptcy banner across the front window of his store. He had moved out of town, no forwarding address, and I came to the understanding, that it would hurt him and me, and as long as I was willing, my God cleared the slate. |
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Laundry will be put off for another day :( |
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All I can do is say a prayer for him and for me. |
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This is so me, I am so use to pain, what is a little bit more. |
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