July 16

A Guide For Life

The recovery program can have wide application. A friend was a severe asthmatic and it had made life unmanageable. His rabbi, interested in the spirituality of the Twelve Steps, suggested he go to AA. I decided to turn my life over to a Higher Power just like an alcoholic. I have now been off the respirator, and down to four pills a day. My doctor cannot understand but says, keep on doing it. It's working. This reinforces that the Twelve Steps are an excellent guide to living for everyone, and not just the addict. And the reason to work the program is as the doctor said, It works! ,

July 17

Don't Cheat Yourself

Half measures avail us nothing. Some relapsers contend they continued to attend meetings until their relapse, but admit that they failed to maintain contact with their sponsors. Sponsors tell us what we need to hear instead of what we like to hear. They alert us when we are deviating from the program. Addiction is very cunning. It can lead us to believe we are safe just because we are attending meetings. Meetings are vital, but we should not deceive ourselves by thinking we are working a quality program if we are not relating regularly to our sponsors.

July 18

It Doesn't Matter Where You Are

We must always put principles above personalities. A person with six years of sobriety moved, contacted AA, and established a relationship with a new sponsor. Nevertheless, he relapsed. The principles of AA and NA are the same everywhere, and the Steps are no different in Oregon than in Virginia. This person had stayed sober primarily to earn the respect of his friends. The new location offered him the same principles but not the same personalities. If you are in a new location, do not let this affect you. Continue faithful adherence to the Twelve Step program, and you can be sober anywhere.

July 19

Letting Go Doesn't Mean Copping Out

Dependence on a Higher Power is not an abdication of responsibility. Some criticize AA and NA as fostering dependence and encouraging copping out. But if we look at people in recovery, we see people at their jobs daily. Turning things over to God allows us to use our abilities. Some people are unable to use their capacities because of anxiety. Panic is destructive, and people have been trampled to death when they panic. But relying on a Higher Power prevents this paralyzing panic. We are capable of using our abilities to get things done for ourselves.

July 20

Lessons From Nature

I had the opportunity to observe salmon swim upstream to lay their eggs in the same place as where they were born. They jumped powerful cascades to reach a higher level. If they missed, they tried again. Perhaps it is the fight against powerful forces that stimulates them. Salmon have an instinctive goal. Humans have an intellectual goal. Like salmon, we are stimulated by the resistances we meet to strive ever higher, to get where we know we belong. Another thing we can learn from the salmon is that they never jump two levels at once. Easy does it. One level at a time.

July 21

New Opportunities For Addiction

A physician with ten years of quality sobriety, on staff at a rehab center, developed high blood pressure, for which his doctor prescribed Valium. The doctor suggested the physician's wife keep the medication and dispense it daily, but the physician saved up all four pills so he could get a buzz taking them together. Within days he had relapsed. That an intelligent person who is actively involved in treating addiction and understands it thoroughly can do something so self-destructive is nothing less than baffling. We are always recovering. We must always be on guard, because chemicals are baffling.

July 22

Sobriety Can Bring New Problems

A man set up a workshop in his apartment. A neighbor began playing loud music to obscure noise of the machinery. When the man moved his workshop, he became annoyed by the neighbor's loud music. By this time the neighbor had come to enjoy it, and did not wish to stop it. Similarly, the sober spouse may have to adapt to the addict's behavior. These adaptations become an established pattern, which later annoys the addict -- though they had come about as a response to the addiction. This is why codependency requires careful attention. Abstinence can create a new set of problems.

July 23

Appreciate The Good Things You Have

Sometimes we need lessons in gratitude. One day I had allowed myself to become upset because the cruise control on my new car was not functioning. That day a young woman in early recovery reported things were going better for her now that she was sober. She had found an apartment and soon she might have enough money to repair her car. But I must remember some people don't even have a car, she said. I became much more appreciative of my new car, which had everything except cruise control. We should learn how to appreciate the things we have.

July 24

Unburden Yourself of Things You Cannot Control

One night an operator called my unlisted number. When she put on the caller, I responded it was an audacity to call me collect. I later reflected the operator had asked for person-to-person. If so, I had unjustly accused the caller. I could not apologize to her because I did not know who she was. The anger at myself persisted until I realized since I could not make amends, I must turn this incident over to God. All I could do was to be more patient before making judgments. I was able to get relief because the burden was no longer on me.

July 25

Easy Does It Can Require Hard Work

it does not mean we should look for the easiest way to get something done. Some with eating disorders have undergone bypass surgery to lose weight. Though initially successful, weight may later be regained. A change in life-style such as with Overeaters Anonymous is not as easy a method, but it can give more lasting results. Similarly, trying to gain knowledge without effort of studying isn't profitable. Easy does it means we do not let ourselves get into a dither about things. Getting something accomplished, however, requires elbow grease.

July 26

There Are A Million Excuses

Keep coming back. It works. Do you need an excuse for not attending meetings? Just write to me, and I will send you as many as you need. These are excuses collected from people who have relapsed. Some are amateurish, such as I saw one guy leave a meeting and go directly to a bar. This is silly, since it doesn't mention that the other 89 people who were at the meeting went home and stayed sober. If you continue with meetings, you are likely to remain sober. If you discontinue meetings, there is a high risk of relapse, regardless of how good your excuses are.

July 27

Life Is Always a Struggle

Living a moral life can never be completely tranquil. Books on peace of mind or soul can mislead us into thinking complete inner peace is achievable. Life is full of stress. We have many biological drives and impulses that want gratification, and our conscience says no. Although complete inner peace is thus never possible, the idea it is feasible can lead us to try and achieve it via chemicals. The brief period of chemical tranquility comes at an exorbitant price. We should understand that realistic peace of mind exists with some coexisting stress and tension.

July 28

Sharing Versus Using

A man told me when he called his mother during early recovery to find out how she was feeling; she was in disbelief because during his addiction he never called unless he wanted money or an attorney. In sobriety, this man now compensates for services, shares with others as they share with him, or accepts a helping hand when reality is too much. This is different from the way he exploited people during active addiction, without appreciation or gratitude. The dependence of the Twelve Step program is a mutual relationship rather than one of exploitation.

July 29

Experiencing Forgiveness

Words have meaning only if we have the experience. We are told we should feel relieved of guilt if we repent something and ask for forgiveness. Some are unable to break loose from guilt. Perhaps because forgiveness is foreign to their own experience. If you find yourself overwhelmed with guilt even after you have made amends and asked for forgiveness, there may be something more you must do. You must sincerely forgive someone who has offended or harmed you. Once you have experienced forgiveness by forgiving someone else, you'll understand and realize you, too, can be forgiven.

July 30

The Futile Pursuit of Perfection

A student nurse wanted to quit because she made a harmless error. If every nurse who felt that way quit, we would have only nurses who don't care if they made a mistake. If we are hard on ourselves, that keeps us on the alert, taking precautions to avoid further mistakes. It also leads us to make amends. But after we are finished being harsh with ourselves, we should accept our humanity and our fallibility. We need to try to do the very best we can, with the knowledge that we cannot possibly be perfect.