Musings on Life
 

Musings on Life from One That's Lived A Bit

- How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

- Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I'm sure I did not make any changes to.

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

- Despite what they tried to tell us in Geometry, I have yet to have a need in life to go out and measure a flagpole...

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Laws of the Natural Universe
 

1 Law of Mechanical Repair
- After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2 Law of Gravity
- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3 Law of Probability
- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4 Law of Random Numbers
- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5 Variation Law
- If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6 Law of the Bath
- When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7 Law of Close Encounters
- The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8 Law of the Result
- When you try to prove to someone that a machine (or computer)* won't work, IT WILL!!!

9 Law of Biomechanics
- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10 Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena
- At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last.
They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over.
The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance.
The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11 The Coffee Law
- As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12 Murphy's Law of Lockers
- If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13 Law of Physical Surfaces
- The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14 Law of Logical Argument
- Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

15 * Law of Physical Appearance
- If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16. Law of Public Speaking
- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17 Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
- As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18 Doctors' Law
- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better.
But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Anonymous

:) I use to tell my ex-husband that he took one foot out to put the other one in.