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Wisdom For Today - March
March 1
Wisdom for Today My motivations for behaving the ways I did were not always healthy and often times got me into more trouble. When I look back at my active addiction to alcohol and drugs, it is clear that one driving motivation I had was fear. I lied to cover up the mistakes I made. I hid my drinking and using from other people so as not to be discovered. I didn't want anyone to know how much or how often I was getting wasted. I let fear make many of my decisions for me. I would avoid doing things because I was afraid. I would pretend I was okay even when I wasn't, because I was afraid to admit to myself how sick I was becoming. Fear began to take over my whole life. It prevented me from being close with anyone. It made me run from a relationship with God. Fear would drive me to work harder to prove to myself I was okay. In the program I learned I could let go of my fears. I could turn them over, and I could let my Higher Power do for me what I could not do for myself. I learned I could ask others for help. I learned to trust people again and actually begin to make friends. Fear no longer had to control my life. Fear no longer had to motivate me to behave in self-destructive patterns. Fear could be replaced with faith in a Power greater than myself. Is fear still a motivating factor in my decisions, behaviors and beliefs? Meditations for the Heart God molds and shapes in our recovery. He cuts away the pieces of our lives that are unhealthy. He shapes and sculpts us into His new creation. This new shape becomes a vessel for our spiritual life. It allows us to experience ourselves as a complete person. I no longer have to walk around feeling like I am incomplete. I know that I am still a work in progress, but I also know that I am as complete as God wants me to be today. As I walk though my days of recovery, the vessel that God is creating becomes easier for me to see. I can begin to understand what He is doing and where I am being led. I can see that what He is doing is making me a better person. He is allowing me to learn a new way to live life to its fullest. Do I stand in the way of God shaping and molding me? Petitions to my Higher Power God, You know me on the inside and on the outside. You know how I can let fear get in the way of Your work in my life. Help me this day to be open to changes that You have in mind for me. Let me be open to becoming the person that You want me to be. Amen. |
March 2
Wisdom for Today One of my motivations for drinking and using drugs was to get away from it all. I told myself I was drinking and using to escape. I wanted to get away from the stress of life. I wanted to get away from what caused me pain. I wanted to get away from the arguments, the responsibilities and the guilt. I wanted to get away from the loneliness and sadness. But this was not the real reason I was drinking and using drugs. This is not what I was trying to escape from. The real reason I was trying to escape was to try and get away from myself. I could not stand the person I was. I wanted to blame everything and everyone else. But the real reason was I couldn’t stand me. I didn’t like me. I didn’t like being in my own skin. I didn’t like how I behaved, the choices I made. I didn’t like what I was becoming. I violated my own value system. I hurt those I cared for. I hurt myself. I had an underlying motive to destroy and punish myself. Recovery has changed all that. I no longer need to run from the person staring back at me in the mirror. Do I still try to run from myself? Meditations for the Heart God knows what it is that I need. I just need to go to Him and ask for what I need. I do not need to go to my Higher Power in the same way that others turn to Him. I need to go to God for my needs. When I am weak, I go to God for strength. When I am strong, I go to Him for humility. When I want to fight, I go to God for leadership. When I am afraid, I go to Him for reassurance and safety. When I need help, I go to my Higher Power for direction. God will supply my needs if I go to Him in an unselfish way and ask for what I need. When I am lonely, He is my friend. He does not always supply my needs in the way that I would expect, but He always sees to it that my needs are cared for. This is why I turn my will and my life over to His care. He fulfills my needs better than I ever could. Do I ask my Higher Power to fulfill my needs? Petitions to my Higher Power God, So often I get things all turned around because I do not examine my motives, the real reasons I behave the way that I do. Help me this day to examine my motives and make choices that are healthy for me. Let me not overlook my motives, but instead turn to You to fulfill my needs. Even when I am not sure of what I need or not clear about my motives, help me to do the next right thing. Amen. |
March 3
Wisdom for Today When I would go to the bar and the bartender would ask me what I wanted, I would respond, “Top shelf!” When I talked with my dealer and He would ask what I wanted, I would say, “More!” These responses were really a sign of a much deeper problem. I always wanted more. I always wanted it all, the best and a little bit of everything. I wanted to have money. I wanted happiness. I wanted to be a good husband and father. I wanted the best job. I wanted to be important. I wanted, and I wanted. When it came right down to the heart of it, I was just plain greedy. Greed was a huge motivator for me. I envied others who had more than I did. I hated those people who found success when I could not find it. I was jealous of my friends when they had something I did not have. I wanted it all. My addiction to alcohol and drugs took away most of what I did have. My self-worth was diminished to a pile of rubble, and I still wanted it all. Greed motivated me to do things that I am not proud of: stealing, manipulating, and using others for my gain. In recovery I admitted defeat and no longer was greedy for anything. I just wanted to live. In recovery I have experienced grace and received much. Everything I have is as a result of God doing for me what I could not do for myself. I regained my family, got out of debt, no longer worry about police officers coming to get me and have found satisfaction and gratitude. Does greed still motivate my thinking, actions and decision-making? Meditations for the Heart At the end of many of the Twelve Step meetings I attend, they close with a prayer from the Bible – the “Our Father.” This is a prayer that I had prayed many times as a child, yet had little understanding of. In my drunkenness and active addiction to drugs, I rebelled against God. In recovery I was left with no choice but to turn back to God as I understand Him. Calling my Higher Power, “Father” was something that bothered me a lot at first. Maybe it was because of my own shame, or because of the issues I had with my own father, or maybe it was just because I had been such a poor father myself; but I struggled with whole concept of calling my Higher Power, “Father.” I am not really sure of all the reasons. However, in recovery, as I got more and more honest with myself, it became easier to see how childish I had behaved in my addiction. I was a child who needed a father. I guess that is how I always behaved. My Higher Power is there for me and loves me like the Heavenly Father He is, and today I can love Him back like a child. Do I see that I really need a Spiritual Father? Petitions to my Higher Power God, You are indeed my Spiritual Father; and You reach out to me and care for me. Give me direction, and love me simply because I am Your child. Forgive me for all my childish behaviors. Help me this day to rid myself of greed and to seek instead to be of service. Teach me to know Your will for me. Amen. |
March 4
Wisdom for Today When I look back at my days of active addiction to alcohol and drugs, it is clear that the primary thing that motivated my thinking, behavior and choices was selfishness. I got high because I wanted to, and I got drunk because I wanted to. It was all about me. I really didn't stop to think about others; my drinking and drugging always came first. It didn't matter that it was important to others that I be responsible for my actions and choices. It didn't matter what consequences I might experience because of my choices or behavior. It didn't matter whom I hurt, including myself. What did matter was satisfying my compulsion to drink and get high. Even when I was hitting bottom, I still thought about my desire to get high before I thought about others or myself. I really didn't care anymore about anything except my own selfish needs. In recovery I have learned a new way of living my life. Learning this new way of living was not something I could have done on my own. It has happened only because my Higher Power has done something for me that I could not do for myself. He has freed me from the selfishness that controlled my life. I am not bothered by the compulsion that drove me to an insane way of living. I can now get outside of my own selfish desires and seek to follow the path that the program has set before me. I can use each of the steps and the principles of the program to deal with any situation that happens in my life. I do not do this perfectly, but I am making progress. I have not yet reached the goal, but I am on the way that leads to it. Do I let selfishness come back into my life? Meditations for the Heart One step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other, I have followed the lead of my Higher Power to a new place. This new place is about change, and change is not always easy. In fact, I am often my own worst enemy. It does not matter if things are going well or things in my life are going badly. There is no situation in my life I can't make worse. In success I can get arrogant and over-confidant. In failure I can get self-destructive and want to just give up. Change is a part of life. I have a choice to accept that God will walk with me through all changes I face, or I can go back to dealing with life on my own terms. The longer I am in recovery the more natural it feels to let go and let God. It becomes second nature to seek after His will for me and ask for the power I need to carry out His will. If I turn to my Higher Power in all that I face, both the good times as well as the bad, I can be confident that He will lead me to where it is that I am supposed to be. Have I made a decision to turn my life over? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Keep me on the path of recovery today. Help me to seek You out in all that I do. Let me be of service to Your will as I walk through this day. Let me not even consider my own selfish ways, but instead help me to use the principles of the program to serve as my guide today. Help not only me but also all addicts and alcoholics who turn to You today for help and guidance. Amen. |
March 5
Wisdom for Today "Just for today!" Three small words with a lot of meaning! Today was a very hard place to live in my addiction. Most of the time I lived in the past and was filled with regret and remorse, or I lived in the future and experienced life with a sense of morbid fear. What was going to be the next bad thing to happen in my life? Could it get any worse? Learning to live in today is a skill that I had to learn. I understood the words but had little understanding of how to put them into action. In early recovery it seemed I spent a lot of time dreaming about the past. It seemed that I couldn't stop thinking about getting wasted. If I wasn't thinking about the past, I worried about the future. Would recovery be worth it? Would I ever be happy again? I just didn't know. It seemed like I didn't have the slightest clue of how to live in today. I worried about staying clean and sober for the rest of my life. I thought about all the bad things I had done. I just couldn't seem to get in today. Then one night at a meeting it all seemed to click. I was making myself miserable. Nobody else was doing this to me. I was doing it to myself. If I put even half the energy into staying in today as I did the future or the past, maybe, just maybe I could be happier. I am not sure what happened at that meeting or even what was said to get me thinking this way but it worked. I started focusing on just staying in today. Life didn't seem so complicated. Life got better - just for today! Do I live in today? Meditations for Today I now like getting up in the morning. This was not always the case. I used to worry about what I did the night before, but today things are different. I can wake up and start my day in a good way. I can start my day with my best friend. This is how I came to know my Higher Power. My Higher Power became my best friend, and I can start my day each day with Him. Some days I do better with this than others, but I know He is there for me each and every morning. Spending time with my best friend is a great way to start my day. It keeps me centered. It keeps me focused. It keeps me happy. It gives me someone to bring my problems to. I find answers to the questions I have. I find new questions to ask. I gain strength, hope, and occasionally I even get some wisdom. Yes, getting up in the morning is not hard to do at all anymore. Do I start my days differently now? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Each day You give me new breath. What I do with that breath is up to me. Help me to do what You want me to do today. Let me stay consciously aware of this day and Your plans for me in it. Thanks for being my friend and for all that You do for me! Amen. |
March 6
Wisdom for Today One important word I heard from my sponsor over and over again was the word, “Yet.” During the early days of my recovery, I spent a good deal of time comparing myself to others and looking for how I was different and unique. Repeatedly my sponsor reminded me that every difference I could come up with had not happened to me yet. He understood the progressive nature of the disease of addiction to alcohol and drugs. He helped me learn about the progression of this illness. The truth was that I was looking for excuses. I was looking for a way out of having to work a recovery program. I was looking for ways to reinforce my denial. But that word, “yet,” is a powerful word. It was a word I definitely needed to hear. I needed to understand that my addiction indeed could and would get worse if I let it. Before the program I really didn’t have a choice. I simply obeyed the voice of addiction. Once I got clean and sober, I did have a choice to continue to listen to the voice of addiction, or to listen to the words of wisdom that my sponsor provided. I had to accept the reality that addiction was cunning, baffling and powerful. I had to accept that it was patient and would wait for me. Do I understand that “YET” can happen to me? Meditations for the Heart Reaching out to others has helped me a great deal in my recovery. But reaching out for things of the Spirit is what has kept me focused. When I reach out for things like beauty, love, honesty and unselfishness, I have been able to fully enjoy an abundant life in my recovery. It is reaching out for things of the Spirit that has changed my inmost being. In the program we learn of the promises that recovery has to offer. This too is an important “yet.” The promises can and do come true for those that work the program and accept the gifts that the Spirit brings. Do I take time each day to reach out for things of the Spirit? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Thank You for the people You have placed in my life to teach me the importance of the word “yet.” Let me this day be focused on things of the Spirit. Let me reach out for the gifts of the program, so that I may claim the gifts and promises that You have to offer. Let me walk through this day seeking only to do Your will. Amen. |
March 7
Wisdom for Today A part of my trouble in recovery has been always to want to put things off. “Procrastination” should have been my middle name. When I was actively using alcohol and drugs, I was always trying to delay the inevitable. But this only kept me sick. I was very good at saying to myself, “I’ll quit tomorrow.” But tomorrow never came, and I would continue to get wasted. Stopping my insanity was not the only thing about which I procrastinated. I would put off paying bills and any other responsibility I could just so I would have more time to drink and use drugs. In recovery I soon discovered that this character defect was still very active in my life. My sponsor would ask me to do something; and I would put it off as long as I could, always providing lots of excuses. I still did not want to put any energy into my recovery. I kept looking for an easier, softer way. Delay tactics and avoidance abounded in my life. It wasn’t until I honestly admitted to others and myself that procrastination is what my will wanted to do that a door was finally opened. I began to understand that if I was going to surrender completely, I needed to turn over my will to my Higher Power. I began asking God, as I understand Him, what He wanted me to do and began to do those things. Whether it was as simple as going to work or completing step work for my sponsor, I was able to begin to accomplish things. I still do not do this perfectly, but I keep getting better at it. I am making progress. How much is procrastination a part of my life? Meditations for the Heart Many people have asked the question, “What is the purpose of life?” I am not a philosopher or someone that pretends to know everything, but I believe for the alcoholic and addict the answer to this question lies within the program. “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we …” Our purpose is to achieve this spiritual awakening. We work through each of the steps and are training the soul for this awakening. In each of the steps we learn spiritual principles, acceptance, hope, turning it over, surrender, confession, etc. As a result of honestly working these steps, we achieve this awakening. Our character is molded and shaped by our experience in working these steps. A revolution takes place in our soul, and we are awakened to a newness of life. We gain a new understanding of meaning and purpose for our lives. Am I training my soul through working the steps? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Each day I need to remind myself to do Your will and not my will. Help me this day to accept the tasks that You set before me and to continue to do the next right thing. Help me to let You decide when I need to rest and when I need to work. Let me actively engage myself in training my soul for Your Divine Purpose. Amen. |
March 8
Wisdom for Today Today is a wonderful day, for I have no reason to fear. There was a time when this was not the case. I can remember always looking in the rearview mirror and expecting to see the police. I recall always being concerned about what my boss was thinking and wondering if he was on to me. I recall being wrapped up and controlled by fear. It made many of my decisions for me. I no longer need to be afraid because of what the program has done and continues to do for me. Facing addiction to alcohol and drugs is not something I need to do alone. I have a support system of other addicts and alcoholics in my corner. I have a strong relationship with my Higher Power. I have a sponsor and many friends I can rely on to see me through the struggles I have in my life. Not having to face life alone and having confidence that my support system will not let me down has helped me rid my life of constant fear. Knowing that I can go to my Higher Power for strength and courage helps me to stay on track and deal with problems I may face rather than looking for a way out. Yes, today is a wonderful day. Am I facing life with courage? Meditations for the Heart One thing I learned in my addiction was that drinking and drugging were not as reliable as I first thought they were. In recovery I am really beginning to understand that God, as I understand Him, is very reliable. He is always there for me. All I need to do is turn to Him and let Him know what is going on and ask for direction. In His own way He reaches out to me and lets me know what I need to do. Sometimes I hear His words in what others say at meetings. Sometimes I hear His words in my morning readings and meditations. Sometimes I hear Him in the quiet places of my soul. But He is always there and always reliable. This is more than I can say for alcohol and drugs. They left me hanging in the lurch all the time. I never knew where to turn. I didn’t know which way was up. In recovery I have learned to look up for my answers. Do I have faith in the reliability of my Higher Power? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Let me rejoice in this day because it is a day that I no longer have to fear. I know that this gift is from You, my Divine Spirit. Let me always turn to You in my time of need. Let me always listen for Your voice for the answers I am seeking. Help me this day to walk the walk that You want me to walk. Keep me on the right path. Amen. |
March 9
Wisdom for Today Sometimes I grow restless in my recovery. I have an itch that something is not right with my life. I grow impatient, and I want my life to change. This restlessness of the spirit is something that all addicts and alcoholics experience from time to time in the recovery process. We can try to ignore the itch, but this does not work. The restlessness continues. When I grow restless, I have discovered that it is often because I have left something undone. I have unfinished work to do. It may be because I have more work to do on one of the steps. It may be because I have become lazy in my spiritual life and not attended to taking care of myself spiritually. It may be because I have become stubborn about not making changes that I need to make. It may be that I have let my meeting attendance or service work slip. Regardless of the reason, my restlessness is a sign to which I need to pay attention. This restlessness of my spirit tells me that something is amiss in my life. Ignoring this restlessness only can lead to trouble. All of us know what happens when we ignore a health problem and try to be our own physician. The problem becomes worse until we finally seek help. Unfortunately, sometimes people wait when they become restless until it is too late, and the consequences can be severe or even deadly. When my spirit becomes restless, I know I must not try to be my own physician. I need to reach out to others in the program and talk about what is going on until I discover what the cause of my restlessness is. Once I discover what this restlessness is about, I continue to use others in recovery to help me bring the restlessness to an end. Do I pay attention to my spirit when it becomes restless? Meditations for the Heart To know peace is to receive a gift from God. In the midst of a world that often surrounds me with noise and confusion, I can know peace. I can know a peace that passes all human understanding. I can know a peace that is a gift from God, with whom I have a relationship. I can have a serenity that allows me not to be bothered by all the noise and confusion. I can walk through my day without being troubled by worry. I truly wish I were capable of hanging onto this peace in all that I do, but the reality is that I can get caught up in all the distractions that the noise and confusion can bring. In recovery I give thanks for the time I can hold onto this peace. I get better at holding onto it for longer periods of time the longer I stay clean and sober. Still I find too often I want to get back in charge and end up ruining the peace I have. At times when this happens, I go back to the beginning and honestly admit that I am lost again. I ask my Higher Power to lead me back to the path that leads to His peace. I surrender, and I find the peace again, or more accurately I should say His peace finds me. Am I open to accepting His peace? Petitions to my Higher Power God, You know how I can get off track and know how easy it is for me to be distracted. Help me this day to stay focused and open to receive Your gift of peace. Should I become restless today, help me to take action to correct whatever is out of whack. Help me to use the tools and the people You have put in my life. Let me not ignore restlessness in my spirit. Amen. |
March 10
Wisdom for Today There are many things that determine if someone is going to successful in staying clean and sober. But it starts in one place for all of us, a capacity to be honest. Each of us regardless of how far down we have gone must start recovery with an honest admission that we are licked. I had to admit that living my life my way just didn’t work. Like many addicts and alcoholics I continued to play games and tried to make bargains with recovery, but it just didn’t work. Eventually I had to honestly admit defeat. Addiction had won; it was stronger than I was. At the point of my admission that I was defeated came the beginning of victory. In desperation I reached out, and I looked deep within. I drew on the last bits of decency inside of me and on the finite possibility that there might be another way. I was fortunate to have had some spiritual training as a child. I could draw on these memories and reach out to a God that I really didn’t yet understand and honestly ask for help. I was able to draw on the last pieces of morality that existed inside. I have had to do an awful lot since that day to stay clean and sober, but I know that this honest admission is where recovery started for me. This honest admission that I was desperate and needed help was the beginning. Have I had this spiritual experience? Meditations for the Heart Today I have learned much about what it is that I need to do to stay clean and sober. I have learned much about how to live my life. I do not do this perfectly, but I am always making progress. I have had to deal with many traumatic events in my life in recovery just like many of my peers. Just because we stop drinking and using does not mean that we don’t have any more problems. But those that handle these problems with help from others and do it without relapse all have something in common. Each of us has worked hard to make countless small deposits into out spiritual bank. Each time I am filled with gratitude and praise for the grace I have been given, I make a deposit. Each moment I spend in prayer and meditation I make a deposit. Each time I rely on God’s will for me rather than my own, I make a deposit. Each time I seek to improve my conscious contact with God, as I understand Him, I make a deposit. Steadily over time these deposits grow. Then when tragedy comes – and in this life it does happen, I am able to make withdrawals from my spiritual bank. My Higher Power, who manages this account, always sees to it that I have enough reserves. He never gives me more than I can handle. He makes sure that I have what I need to cope with any crisis, struggle or setback. Am I faithfully making deposits in my spiritual bank? Petitions to my Higher Power God, You indeed have shown me Your love. I have done nothing to deserve Your care and concern, yet You have graciously reached out to me in moments of defeat and lifted me up. You make sure that I have what I need each day. Let me walk with You hand-in- hand today on this journey of recovery. Amen. |
March 11
Wisdom for Today “Once an alcoholic or addict – always one!” If we keep drinking and using, we only get worse. The only question is how quickly and how bad. There is no cure for this disease. It can only be arrested. We are granted a daily reprieve and must make choices one day at a time how we are going to live. It does not matter how long I have been clean and sober. I know if I were to go back it would not take long, and I would be as bad or worse off than I was when I was first granted this daily reprieve. In looking at the history of the program, this point has been proven over and over. No one has been able to go back and recapture the “good old times.” Finally, I came to my bottom. For each of us this bottom is relative. Many of us lose jobs or family. Many are financially devastated and left broke. Some end up in jails and prisons, and others in hospitals or institutions. Regardless of how far down we have traveled, all of us have a profound soul sickness. We become spiritually bankrupt. We hate what we have become and our way of living. I did not think life was worth living anymore. I was left with no choice except to die or do something about it. Am I glad that I have chosen to do something about my addiction? Am I making good choices just for today? Meditations for the Heart Faith is not a matter of my heart or mind seeing; it is simply a matter of trusting. I was not sure that I could even make it in recovery. I came into the program and saw others making it. I was close-minded. I had no vision for the future. Fortunately I did not need this vision. God is not in a box. He is not contained in space or time. He is timeless and not limited in space. His vision for my life was all that I needed. I came to believe that God’s vision for me was better than my vision. I was trapped inside this box that addiction created. God was not trapped by this box and could see for me things that I could not see for myself. He knew where I needed to go and what I needed to do. All I needed to do was find faith to believe that God could and would lead me out of the box. Today I recognize that even this faith that I received is a gift of His grace. I did not come to believe on my own. I came to believe because He helped me believe. Have I gotten a vision of faith since coming into the program? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Today I want to walk in harmony with You. Help me this day to follow You with eyes of faith. Strengthen my belief that You are in my life to help me out of the box of addiction. Grant that I may find healing for my soul sickness. Lead me on the path that leads to serenity. Amen. |
March 12
Wisdom for Today I can remember sitting in a dark room, holding a bottle, my mind spinning and thinking, "I must be crazy; only a crazy person would act the way I do." Even during times when my mind wasn't clouded with drugs or alcohol, I can remember wondering if I was just plain evil. I recall feeling as if I had no moral character whatsoever. I could not understand why I was so weak and could not say “No” to drugs or alcohol. Even when I wanted to say “No,” I could not. There had to be something terribly wrong with me. I had to be mentally ill or just a bad person or something. Then I walked into the program and was given a new vision of whom I was. I was told that I had an illness. I was told that my drinking and drugging had a name, a name called “Addiction.” I listened to people share their history and knew that my experiences were very similar to what they were talking about. This was a tremendous discovery, to find out that I was not alone. Other people had been through the same thing I had been through. They had found a way to stop drinking and using. They had found a way to stop the insanity. They had found a new freedom. They found something that I wanted. Am I willing to go to any length to get what the program offers? Meditations for the Heart I recall very early in my recovery walking on the shore of a large lake wondering if I was going to make it. I remember screaming at God that night, wondering where He was. I recall being filled with anger and feeling like too much was being asked of me. I was so wrapped up in my own world that I didn't even notice the storm that was approaching behind me. Suddenly there was a bright flash of lightning and a crack of thunder. A moment later the skies opened up and a drenching rain came down, and the wind howled. I ran back to my vehicle and climbed inside. Then I drove to the clubhouse to go to a meeting. When I walked in someone looked at me and said, "I see you survived the storm." The program indeed helps us survive the storms of life if we build our recovery on a solid foundation. God is that rock for me. Obedience to His will is what has kept my recovery going even through the storms of life. Have I discovered that God still loves me and cares for me even when I am angry with Him? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Today I am grateful for all the people who have gone before me to show me the way. I am grateful for their stories and have learned much from them to help point me in the right direction. Sometimes I still get frustrated and even angry along this journey. Thank You for being my rock, a rock that remains solid even in my anger and wayward ways. Thank You for loving me always. Amen. |
March 13
Wisdom for Today In recovery I have had to learn to change my thinking. I needed to rehab my mind and begin to use wisdom as a guide. I had to learn to think, think, think. I could no longer think of drinking or drugging in the same way. I had to look beyond the short-term gain and focus on the long-term pain. I cannot afford the short view. It tells me that somehow this time will be different. It tells me that drinking or drugging will somehow cure my problems and that it will help me cope. It tells me that no one will know; but, of course, I will know. This short-term view will only lead to more pain. The long-term view forces me to look past the bottle. It forces me to see beyond the night of partying to the morning after. It forces me to see that no matter how good alcohol or drugs look right now, the picture will look very different the next day. Recovery forces me to take a long-term view of alcohol and drugs. It has taught me to reeducate my mind and seek after God’s will for me. Even on the days that recovery requires me to do things I don’t want to do, I have learned that I need to listen to that still, small voice of my Higher Power and remain obedient to His plans for me. Have I learned to change my thinking and see the long-term pain that addiction always brings? Meditations for the Heart If I am honestly working to live the way that my Higher Power wants me to live, I can seek and find His guidance through quiet meditation. When I focus my mind on His will for me, I am given answers to decisions I must make. I am given direction for my path in life. I am given encouragement and strength for my day. The words of the Lord’s Prayer, “Thy will be done,” take on a whole new meaning. Recovery is not about my will, but it is about listening to and obeying His will for me. If I act on the clear guidance I receive when I meditate on His will for me, I am much more likely to look back at the end of my day and have no regret. The problems I have today are because I again adopt to live a life of self-will. However, the serenity and peace of mind I have are directly proportionate to my willingness to use God’s wisdom as my guiding principle. Am I seeking His guidance through quiet meditation? Am I willing to obey the guidance I receive? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Today let me seek after Your wisdom through quiet meditation. Give me courage to act on and obey the wisdom I receive from You. Help me to change my thinking and adopt a long-term view of addiction. Let me see the insanity of a short-term view. Amen. |
March 14
Wisdom for Today Fellowship without the steps is empty. Fellowship in and of itself is wonderful at first. It is what attracts many of us to the program. We find a place where we feel like we fit in. We don't feel so alone. But the wonder of the fellowship soon dims, and we find that we can become disillusioned by it all. We may find that we get caught up in the gossip and talk about others rather than talk about ourselves. We may find that we get bored and lose interest in even going to meetings anymore. We may even find that we lose sight of our goal to remain clean and sober. Some may even begin to see the fellowship as a place to take advantage of others. We find that fellowship with others is not the answer we thought it was. Many of these things rang too true for me as I got further into my sobriety. A more accurate statement would be that without the steps I was dry and miserable. Something was definitely missing. Many things were being suggested to me, but I was not following through and doing them. I was not calling my sponsor as often. I wasn't reading the books that were suggested. And I wasn't really working the steps. When I look back now, I see just how close to relapse I was. I had to go back and retrace my steps and start at the beginning again. This time I had to really work the steps. When I did, things started to happen. I got refocused on what was important. I began to pray again. I talked honestly about what was really going on. I used the tools, and I again found a healthy sense of true fellowship in the program. I stopped trying to run the show, and I was able to pray with honesty again – "Thy will be done." Do I recognize when I am working the program with only half measures? Meditations for the Heart I don’t recall what movie it was that I saw; but I remember a line that the lead character said, "There is wonder in knowing you are being watched over." With God in charge I am not only watched over, but I am also led. When I stop to really think about this wonder, I begin to only scratch the surface of God's bounty and goodness. God has a plan for me, and it is my job to follow where He will lead. His way is filled with wonder, and His way is filled with ceaseless knowledge. The more I focus my inner being on this fact, the more I will grow in my recovery. As I improve my conscious contact with my Higher Power, the more I can realize His vision for me. I do not know where His plan will take me, but I do know and trust that His way will bring me peace. Nothing I have is more valuable than this relationship. No material possession can even come close to the value found in His care for me. Do I know and trust that I am being watched over? Petitions to my Higher Power God, I call You Father because I know that You do truly watch over me. You guide my steps, and You lead me on the right path. I also call You Father because I know I am Your child. I guess that is how I act sometimes. I am grateful that You are always there and reach out to me when I act childish or wander off and get lost. I know that Your arms are always open for me. Let me follow where You will lead me today. Amen. |
March 15
Wisdom for Today There was a time that I thought that alcohol and drugs were my friends. When I was down and out, they would lift me up. There were rewards attached to their use. They did what I wanted and were reliable. I could trust that they would be there for me if I needed them, but that all changed. I really can’t pinpoint when the change occurred, but somewhere along the way alcohol and drugs became my enemy. It really doesn’t matter when this change happened; what is important is that I recognize that what had been friendly was now clearly my enemy. Alcohol and drugs no longer provided me with the lift I was looking for. I began using in an attempt just to feel normal, but that didn’t even work anymore. Rather than rewards, I began to experience one consequence after another. I could no longer predict what would happen once I started drinking or using drugs. They were no longer reliable. I could no longer trust alcohol or drugs. Worse yet, I could no longer trust myself. Now I find it helpful to go to a First Step meeting just to remind me who I am. It takes me back to look at the enemy within. Is staying clean and sober still my main focus? Meditations for the Heart I tried changing circumstances, and I tried changing my surroundings. I tried limiting myself, and I tried to control my use. I tried dozens and dozens of ways to make alcohol and drugs friendly again. It was hard to admit that my friend had turned on me like it did. It was harder yet to admit that I had changed and that alcohol and drugs had defeated me. However, in defeat I also found victory. I had to get to a place of absolute defeat to recognize the possibility of a new way of living. Through the steps I learned a new way of living. I underwent tremendous change. God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. Today I look to my Higher Power for direction in my life. I cannot afford not to follow this direction and need to take advantage of every opportunity for growth that God provides. Do I trust that God is working in my life for good? Petitions to my Higher Power God, I know that I am a work in progress and that You are not done with me. I will trust You to lead me this day. Show me what Your will for me is this day, and give me the wisdom and courage I need to accomplish the tasks that You set before me. Let me not put off till tomorrow what You wish me to do today. Guide my steps in this journey today. Amen. |
March 16
Wisdom for Today There were times early in my recovery process where I simply "white knuckled" it. The fear of relapse was very real. This was a time that I had to draw on faith that my Higher Power would not let me down. There were days when I simply had to take it a few hours at a time. There were still other days when I had to take it one hour, or even a few minutes at a time. I used my Higher Power a lot in these times. But as I look back, it was not just faith that I used to get me through these tough times. I used the fellowship. I used my sponsor. I used the steps. I used the literature from the program. I used whatever worked. One thing I found that helped me over and over again was talking to the newcomer. The pain of their addiction was so fresh and vivid; it reminded me where I came from. Mind you, I did not talk to these newcomers alone. My sponsor always led me to these people after a meeting and encouraged me to reach out and help them. Guess my sponsor knew what he was doing, because talking with these individuals always bought me back to the pain of my addiction. It reminded me that I did not want to go back and drink or use. Faith was needed to get me through these times, but so were all of the other components of my recovery. I needed lots of support, and I got it at meetings. I got support in reaching out to others. I got support though the wisdom of my sponsor. I got it in many ways. My Higher Power knew I needed more than just faith in these situations. I needed to put it all into action. Do I use all the tools available to me? Meditations for the Heart One thing the program has taught me is to seek out God each morning before my day becomes busy with the events of life. I have learned that I need to do this each day so that I may ask for the strength and guidance I need. I cannot afford to wait until life's problems come up and then seek God. I need to do this on an ongoing basis. If I wait until I am "white knuckling" it, I cannot trust myself to seek God first. By starting my day this way everyday, I plan to seek God first in all that I do. I can really tell a difference when I don't do this. My day doesn't start out right, and I am quick to mess it up further. Seeking God first becomes a way of life with enough practice. Then should life throw me a curve ball, I can stand ready, knowing that God is standing there with me. In making a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God, as I understand Him, do I put Him first in my day? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Let me always remember to start my day with You. Help me to prepare myself for the day and to stand in faith with You in all that I do. Lead me this day along the path that I walk. Help me put into action what I have learned. Help me to keep my past present in my day so that I do not forget who I am and my ongoing need for You. Amen. |
March 17
Wisdom for Today One privilege I earned by coming into the program was the possibility of living two lives. When you stop and think about it, most people do not get such a chance. I had the opportunity to live one life as a drug addict and an alcoholic. I lived through the failures, the deceit, the insanity, the defeat of addiction. My life of addiction is not one that I am proud of, yet it is also not something that I regret. Much of my life as an addict and an alcoholic has gone into making me what I am today. Then I was given a new chance at life. When I walked through the doors of the program, I was simply hoping that I could stop the insanity so that I would not die. Yet here it was, a chance to start all over again and a chance to live a whole new life. Those of us that have taken advantage of this opportunity have the privilege of being a walking miracle. What could be more wonderful than this – to start all over again and become something new? God has given us this privilege, and He has shown us how to be rid of the loneliness, insanity, hopelessness and despair. Today I can see that the time I have each day is part of the gift of recovery. By all rights I should be dead, but God has blessed me with the privilege of a new start. What will I do with this new start I have been given? Meditations for the Heart I try to think often of God as my Higher Power. I think of the love He must have for me as an alcoholic and addict to give me this second chance at life. I also try to think of Him as my protector. He guards me from all evil and rescues me from the bondage of self-will. God is my lifeline to the future. He gives me the time I have this day and each day to come. I can choose to ignore this gift, or I can use it for good. I can choose to ignore this gift, or I can choose to grow along spiritual lines. In growing spiritually, I open myself to God's will for me. He gives me the strength I need to overcome all temptation, and He will give me help to quiet my fears. He is always there for me to ask for help. He grants me courage and gives me wisdom to grow beyond my faults. He gives me purpose, and He directs my path. Can I ignore the miracle that is my life? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Help me to keep You at the forefront of my thoughts. Let me seek You out in all that I do. Let me not waste the opportunity You have given me for a new life. Let me take this privilege seriously. Today help me when I need it, and guide the steps that I take on this journey called recovery. Help me to seek Your vision for my life. In gratitude I pray. Amen. |
March 18
Wisdom for Today At meetings you hear the program described as a "simple program." This statement is true; the concepts and principles of the program are simple. But recovery is not easy; in fact, I believe recovery is the hardest thing anyone of us can do. The fact is that we have met the enemy, and the enemy is in us. Our own self-will constantly works to lead us astray. This does not mean that recovery is not worth it. Each of us is worth the effort it takes to get clean and sober and stay that way. The adventure of recovery is also exciting. It is this adventure of living a new life that is worthwhile. Recovery is so much better than our old way of living. There is no comparison for the joy, peace of mind and happiness we are seeking to find. Without the program and a Higher Power, we have no chance of finding this happiness. It is only with the program and the grace of God that we can begin this adventure, and it is only through working the steps and the fellowship that we make progress toward our goal. In this adventure, we find that we can have reasonably good lives. Our lives are not trouble free, but we learn how to deal with adversity and struggles within and without because of the program. God knows that we are worth the battle; and He knows that we will have what we need to fight the battle, because He has given us the tools to use through the program. Am I fighting the battle for recovery? Meditations for the Heart A strong spiritual foundation is made up of two distinct parts. The first part is lived out in prayer and meditation. It is here that we maintain communion with our Higher Power. It is here that we seek knowledge of His will for us. It is here that we establish gratitude, and it is here that we seek to meet our needs in recovery. Each day I need to spend time in prayer and meditation to keep the foundation of my recovery strong. The other part of a strong spiritual life is found in service to others. Every time I reach out to others and offer a word of encouragement, or share my experience or act in unselfish service, I also strengthen the foundation of my recovery. When I can describe a victory I have had in the battle of recovery and share this with others, I am giving away what I have received. This service and others just like it take me out of my self-centeredness and allow me to show others that the battle over self-will can indeed be won. When I share these victories with others, I become aware that this victory occurred, not because of my will, but because I followed God’s will for me. Do I work to strengthen my foundation? Petitions to my Higher Power God, You have given me this adventure called recovery, and I am grateful for all the possibilities it brings. It is not always easy; in fact, sometimes it is quite hard. Still, I know it is better than what life would be in active addiction. Today I seek You out to strengthen me for this adventure, and I pray that I may give away what I have learned in this adventure. Amen. |
March 19
Wisdom for Today Each and every day I am faced with a choice – a choice to continue on the path of recovery or a choice to do an about face and return to the insanity. One choice leads to life, and the other choice leads to death. None of us knows for sure, certainly not I, where my next drunken high might lead. But one thing is certain. Making the choice gets easier if I really value my recovery. If I truly value my own life, if I truly value my relationship with a Higher Power, if I truly value honesty and if I truly value what recovery has given me, then making the choice is not so hard. So the question each addict and alcoholic faces is this: What do I truly value? It is easy to say the words that I value my recovery, but it is entirely something different to look at where I spend my time. My sponsor once told me that all I had to do to determine what I really valued was to look at how I was spending my time. If I truly valued the program, I would spend time at meetings and working the steps. If I truly valued a relationship with my Higher Power, I would spend time with Him in prayer and meditation. If I truly valued honesty and the things that recovery had gifted me with, then this is where I would spend my time. What do I really value today? Meditations for the Heart The real work of the program is to grow spiritually. It is too easy to grow complacent and lazy about my spiritual life. It takes real commitment to develop good spiritual habits. Each day I have a routine to build my relationship with God. But a strong spiritual life exists far beyond the morning and evening routine. It is about seeking after good in all that I do. It is about becoming willing to be obedient to His will for me. It is about seeking His treasure for me that exists here in this life. Only when I am diligent about this search in all that I do can I hope to find the hidden treasure. And what is this treasure? Well, the program speaks of the promises of recovery. It talks of things like peace of mind and serenity. It speaks of a new way of living, being no longer baffled by life. Are these things too high a goal? I think not. I have seen these things in my own life, and I have seen these things in the lives of many other recovering people. It takes work, but the goal is worth it. Am I working to grow spiritually? Petitions to my Higher Power God, You know the inner workings of my soul. You know my true desire and what I really value. Help me this day to seek after what You want in my life. Lead me to a place of willingness, and teach me to become obedient. Let me this day grow along spiritual lines and learn to value the gift of recovery I have been given. Amen. |
March 20
Wisdom for Today Sometimes it is just important to laugh at ourselves. When I look back at all the games I played and all the ways I tried to make bargains with myself, deny my problems, or just lie to myself, it is amazing that I am still here to talk about it. There is a story that dates back to the beginnings of the program that tells of a man who was meeting with the founders of the Twelve Step program. In this story the man is asked if he wants to stop drinking. He responds, “Yes, I need to stop for at least six to eight months.” The men meeting with him in the hospital at the time smile and laugh at his response. They laugh, not at him, but at themselves for they also played this game. I needed people who would laugh at my insanity – people who would listen to the schemes, games and denial I presented and would laugh at me and with me. They were entitled to laugh because they had done the same crazy things. These individuals taught me to laugh at myself. They taught me to consider new options. They taught me to laugh at my own games. They taught me to laugh at my disease. Addiction to alcohol and drugs is no laughing matter. It is a matter of life and death. But learning to laugh at the insanity of my disease, the games, bargains, denial and dishonesty helped me to understand that my way would not work. Have I learned to laugh at my disease and myself? Meditations for the Heart Laughing at my disease and myself also had a spiritual benefit. Laughing at the insanity of my behavior taught me to be humble. Only a man who is not filled with egocentric pride can laugh at himself. Only a man who is not filled with arrogance and self-centeredness can laugh at himself, and humility is something that I lacked early in my recovery. Humility meant that I could admit my brokenness and that I could admit recovery was not possible without outside intervention. I love listening to others tell of their experiences. Invariably I hear them recount stories of crazy, stupid and useless attempts to control their behavior. I laugh sometimes out loud and sometimes on the inside because I realize how senseless my same attempts were. I laugh because of the humility I am given in recognizing my own powerlessness. Sometimes I even imagine that God, as I understand Him, must laugh, too. Does my laughter bring humility in the face of despair? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Teach me to laugh at myself. Teach me to laugh at all the desperate ways I used to play games with myself. Teach me to use this laughter to see myself in a new light. Teach me to use this laughter to understand the cunning and baffling ways my disease talks to me. Teach me to laugh at my disease. Teach me humility. Amen. |
March 21
Wisdom for Today There was a time when I really didn’t want to do many of the things that were suggested to me in recovery. The reasons for this were many. Sometimes it was because I was just lazy and didn’t want to do the work. Other times it was fear that held me motionless. Sometimes depression got it the way, and still other times it was pride or arrogance. I look back now and am surprised at the progress I have made despite all the reasons I didn’t want to do what was necessary for my recovery. The reality was that something kept pushing me, urging me, guiding me each step of the way. These things did not happen because of what I was doing. There was a Power outside of me that kept me moving in the right direction. Sanity returned to my life even when I was doing things to get in the way. Hope returned to my life. Over time, one day at a time, my life has come back together. I have changed not because of what I do, but because of what is being done for me. Belief that miracles happen only requires that you open yourself to growth along spiritual lines. Miracles surround me at meetings. Miracles exist in my life. Yes, when I look back at all the struggles I had and what has happened in my life, belief is simple. Do I see that all that I have is a gift given to me in recovery? Meditations for the Heart Recovery has a way of growing on you. The longer you stay clean and sober, the more likely you are to open yourself to this growth. What I am talking about is how “maybes” begin to appear in your life in recovery. I have had one maybe after another come into my life. Maybe there is a way out. Maybe there is a chance that I can make it. Maybe I need to grow in my understanding of God. Maybe I need to repair the damage done. Maybe I am an okay person. Maybe I can help others. Maybe I can ask for help. Each and every maybe that has come into my life has opened the door to spiritual growth. Sometimes the maybes have come quickly, and at other times the maybes seem to be slow in coming. But the maybes are there and are revealed over and over again. God knows when I am ready for the maybes in my life. He sees to it that each of these maybes happens when I need them. Each of these maybes opens me to new possibilities. Do I stop long enough to recognize the maybes in my life? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Where will You lead me today? What new maybes will You reveal to me? How do You want me to grow today? I do not yet know the answers to these questions, but I am open to the maybes that You will present to me in Your time. Increase in me the willingness needed to follow where I am led. Thank You for the growth I have received. Most of all thank You for the miracle of new life You have given me. Amen. |
March 22
Wisdom for Today Sometimes I think we all get stuck along the path of recovery. I know there have been several times when I reached a point that I just didn’t know what to do or simply wanted to quit working the program. It is not so much that I wanted to go back to drinking or using, it is just that the issue or problem I faced seems to be too big. These stuck points are a normal part of the recovery process. Getting stuck is not how I get myself into trouble, it is what I do or don’t do when I am stuck that can cause real problems. This is when it is most important for me to remember the first word of the First Step – “We.” Getting stuck means that what I am doing or not doing is not working. It means that I can’t handle it on my own. I need others to help me. I need to ask for help. I need a fresh perspective or a new viewpoint regarding my situation. I need new ideas and redirection. I need others to tell me what to do. I need to gain insight, understanding and wisdom. I need encouragement to get back into action. I need help finding what I have missed. I need to be shown what to do. I need not to avoid, ignore or run away from the issue. I need new hope and guidance. I need to be reminded, and I need to go back to the basics. I need to keep it simple. When I go back to the concept of living as “We” rather than “I,” life seems to get unstuck. I get back on track and find new energy. Do I do what I need to when I get stuck? Meditations for the Heart “Thy rod and thy staff comfort me.” These words in the Psalms describe a shepherd caring for his sheep. A few summers ago I had the opportunity to spend some time on a sheep ranch. Sheep are not the brightest creatures on the planet. Sometimes they wander from the flock and can become lost or get into trouble. A shepherd searches them out and leads them back to where they belong. He uses a rod and staff to guide the sheep. A sheep that gets lost or in trouble becomes anxious and scared. The rod and staff comfort the sheep because it realizes it is being cared for and guided to where it belongs. I am not so different. When I get lost in recovery or stuck in some dangerous spots, I also need a rod and staff to comfort me. When I use God as my shepherd, He will use the program and the fellowship to guide me back to safety. He uses the voices of wisdom and the understanding of those that have been there to lead me back. Do I trust my Higher Power as a sheep trusts its shepherd? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Sometimes along the path of recovery I get lost or into trouble. I am so grateful that You are there to find me and lead me back. Give me the courage to ask for help when I need it. Lead me with Your rod and staff back to a place of safety. Comfort my fears when they arise in my spirit. Amen. |
March 23
Wisdom for Today Ever so often in my recovery process I am pleasantly surprised. It’s like something happens that has it all make sense. It’s like a light goes on, and the struggle that I have been facing looks different. For a long time I just wanted to believe these experiences were just a coincidence, but my viewpoint on these events has changed. As I look back on all of these events in my life, I can now see that each of these events in my life was a part of my spiritual awakening. How did the fear and hopelessness change into confidence and hope? How did loneliness change into friendship? How did confusion change into insight? How did mistrust turn into faith? How did resentment and anger turn into forgiveness? How did insecurity turn into peace of mind? How did isolation turn into relationship? How did manipulation and deceit turn into honesty? How did shame turn into self-acceptance? How did all these things and more happen when I had little to do with making them happen? How did my spirit, which was dead, rise and wake? These events are all a part of my awakening, an awakening that has occurred because of the program, the steps and my Higher Power. Has my spirit been awakened? Meditations for the Heart In my addiction to alcohol and drugs I always looked for a way out. I would run to my alcohol and drugs to escape, to hide and to avoid dealing with life. Just because I stopped drinking and using did not mean that I automatically stopped running. I continued to look for a way out. I looked for an easier, softer way. I hid from reality, and I still wanted to escape. I even ran from God because I did not understand how He could help me. Even after I had some time under my belt, I would still turn to this old behavior whenever I faced pain, struggles, fear or loss. My way did not work. Running got me nowhere. I just spun around in circles, remaining miserable. However, when I stopped doing the same old thing expecting different results, my life changed. When I stopped running and started to deal with life on life’s terms and I started to look for God in the middle of my pain, my life changed. When I stopped running, I was able to find light in the middle of my darkness. Have I stopped running? Petitions to my Higher Power God, I am so grateful to be in this place. To stand in Your presence and know that You are my God and that You will always care for me. I am so grateful for each and every light switch You have shown me along this journey. I am grateful for the light that I have in my life and to be reawakened. Amen. |
March 24
Wisdom for Today All of us face failure at different times in the recovery process. For some of us this leads to relapse. For others it leads to getting stuck and being "dry." For others it comes in the form of taking the "easier, softer way," only to find out it doesn't work. Failure comes in many forms. I have experienced the tremendous sense of failure, falling flat on my face on more than one occasion. But recovery has taught me that failure is not a bad thing. It is what we do with failure that determines whether or not it becomes devastating or not. When I have run into failure in my recovery, it is easy to want to just give up. It is easy to want to run away or hide. It takes courage to stand up and learn from failure. Much can be learned from failure, if we open ourselves up to finding out what went wrong. When I have opened myself up to this learning, the lessons have become some of the most important I have gained in my recovery process. I have learned not to face failure alone. I need to ask for help to sort through what went wrong. If I don't, I am too quick to look for something or someone to blame, including myself. Blame doesn't change the problem. I have to become willing to do the work necessary to find the answers. I must learn the lesson so that I don't repeat the failure. Failure can be a good teacher. Am I willing to open myself to learning even in my failures? Meditations for the Heart Each of us needs to find our own way to develop a relationship with a Higher Power. It is a process, not a single event. It is a process of growth. For me one of the biggest struggles was simply learning how to quiet myself to become open to hearing God. I spent time yelling at God, as I understood Him. When I was yelling in my frustration and anger, I could not hear His voice. I spent time in quiet prayer, but my head was still spinning with the events of the day, and I could not hear Him. I spent time in silence hoping He would speak and still could not hear Him. It was difficult to hear my Higher Power with all the noise in my head. Then one day I tried whispering to God, as I understood Him, and waited for Him to whisper back. What I discovered for me is that God was not a booming voice, nor was He silent. God whispers in a still, small voice. It requires a good ear. Sometimes He speaks to me through other people. Sometimes He whispers to my conscience. Other times I hear Him in my heart. It takes practice, but you can learn to listen to God. Am I willing to open myself up to hear His voice? Petitions to my Higher Power God, You have and will continue to help me face failure in my life. Open me to learning from these failures. Let me walk through this day with my head up. Help me not to give up and hide myself in shame when I face failure. Give me courage to listen for Your voice today. Amen. |
March 25
Wisdom for Today Sometimes even in recovery I still feel like I am riding a roller coaster. It is usually a roller coaster of emotions related to events going on in my life. The difference now is – I can get off the roller coaster. With addiction I had no choice. I simply continued the ride until I crashed and burned. In recovery the emotional roller coaster I get on can spin me around and around if I let it. Or I can use tools that I have learned in recovery to slow down and stop safely. Perhaps the most important tool I have is something called "intelligent faith." What is this tool you might ask? Well, let me explain. Intelligent faith has two components. The first is the wisdom to know the difference, just as it is said in the Serenity Prayer. I need to sort out all my emotions and decide what it is that I am really feeling. Then I can make intelligent choices about whether or not it is something I can change or not. I can make intelligent and wise choices about how I respond to my emotions. The second component is to trust my Higher Power and have faith that He will walk through the emotions with me. I can turn over the fear, sadness, anger, guilt or any other distressing emotion and ask God to help me. But asking for help is only part of the puzzle. I have to have faith that He indeed will help me. Yes, intelligent faith has stopped the crazy ride in recovery more than once. Do I use intelligent faith when I need to? Meditations for the Heart If I am to be a spiritual person, it is proper for me to seek out spiritual things. One thing that I am always looking for is serenity and peace of mind. When my world gets turned on end and life is filled with surprises, I find that intelligent faith is the only way I can again reclaim serenity and peace of mind. When everything is spinning around and around, I know that if I use wisdom and I turn things over to my Higher Power, I am more likely to calm down. I am more likely to breathe a sigh of relief, and I am more likely to let go and let God do for me what I cannot do without Him. When I calm down and can breathe in His peace, I begin to see a broader picture. Life seems fuller. I realize that what is going on in the moment will pass, and God is with me. Manageability returns, and I find decision making to be easier and definitely wiser. When things get really crazy, as they sometimes will, I seek harder to find these spiritual things. Do I know that God will give me both wisdom and faith if I ask for them? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Today is a new day, and I ask You to walk with me as I face the day. Help me to use the tools I am given for the greater good. Help me to seek out both wisdom and faith in You as I walk through this day. Let me not be overwhelmed with emotional responses to life's events. Instead help me to remain calm and serene. Amen. |
March 26
Wisdom for Today As we go through recovery, each of us will be called upon to carry the message. I believe each of us needs to be ready and willing to carry the message of recovery when called upon to do so. I know for myself, I came up with lots of excuses at first. I felt like I wasn't qualified or that I didn't know what to say. But the truth was all I needed. All I had to do was simply tell others about my experience and what I did to find a way out of the insanity of addiction. My experiences in addiction qualified me to carry this message, and my experience in using the steps gave me the truth of my experience. Each day I try to live for a greater purpose. Each day I look to my Higher Power and ask that He lead me. I have come to realize that God indeed will give me opportunity to carry the message to the alcoholic or addict that still suffers. I have an obligation to repay the program for what it has done for me, to give back what I have received freely. Yes, there are times when it would be easier to just let Twelve Step work slide or let someone else do it, but I also need to recognize that God cannot do His work in and through me unless I make myself available to Him and to others. It is important for each of us to have a greater purpose than just to be selfish. Carrying the message to others in whatever way we can do this serves that greater purpose. Am I willing to answer the call to serve? Meditations for the Heart In my addiction I was blinded by the insanity and denial of my addiction. In recovery my eyes become opened. As the layers and layers of self-deception are removed, I can begin to see life in a new way. Yet it is not until I become willing to see with eyes of faith that my life can take on new meaning. In addiction the only meaning I had in my life was to serve my self-centeredness. With eyes of faith I can serve my Higher Power. I can seek after His will for me, and I can see the things that He wants me to do with my life. It is only when I begin to see things with eyes of faith that His miracles can happen in my personality. When I think of the miracles in my life, I know that each of them has happened in my personality. It was faith that bought me to a place where I could surrender my will. It was faith that bought about changes in my character. It was faith that bought me to a place where I became willing to do the repair work in my life and in the lives of those affected by my addiction. It was faith that bought me to a place where I could establish a personal relationship with my Higher Power. Am I looking at life through the eyes of faith? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Today is a new day, and You have given me an opportunity to increase my willingness to serve You and others. Help me to take advantage of this opportunity and to begin to look at life differently. Open my eyes so that I may see through eyes of faith. Grant that I may find new meaning in my life by following Your will for me this day. Amen. |
March 27
Wisdom for Today There was a time for me when life was filled with doubts, but recovery changed much of that. There is something really wonderful about sitting down with old-timers who share how doubt was removed when he or she decided to turn their life over to the care of God, as they understand Him. But there is one thing that will bring doubt back quickly, and that is self-centered fear. This is the fear that says we are not getting what we want or what we deserve. This is the self-centered fear that will lead us into resentment. It is the fear that opens the door to let doubt back into our lives. I know that when I open this door even a crack, I open the door to dozens and dozens of opportunities for my disease to play with my emotions and mess with my thinking. When I open this door to self-centered fear, I begin to want what I want; and I want it all right now. This type of thinking can get me into more trouble than anything else. When I allow myself to feel dissatisfied and cheated by life, I am quick to want to give up. I am quick to build resentment, and I am quick to get back into stinking thinking. However, when I make a conscious decision to turn my will and life over to God each morning, I leave no room for doubt and open the door only to faith. Do I close the door to self-centered fear each morning? Meditations for the Heart Each of us in recovery draws on images to strengthen our resolve to stay clean and sober. One image that has been very helpful for me is to think of the Red Sea . When I begin to feel surrounded by the troubles of life, I imagine myself standing by the Red Sea with the hordes of evil about to pounce upon me and then having the sea parted by God’s power. I gain a sense of renewed strength and renewed hope. I am provided with a new path where I can cross safely to the other side. Yes, I have an active imagination; but the reality is that this is what happens in recovery. When I am surrounded by the noise and confusion of life, if I call on God for help and talk to others in the program, new options for dealing with my problems open up to me. I am given new choices and I am guided safely to another place, a place where life does not seem so difficult. Do I have an image of God’s power and strength to draw on? Petitions to my Higher Power God, In gratitude I can look out on my day without doubt, because I know You are always near. Should I become surrounded by the noise and confusion of life today, quiet me and let me see Your power working in my life to lead me safely to a new place. Help me to accept the tasks that I have in this day, and increase in me a strength and faith that only You can provide. Amen. |
March 28
Wisdom for Today When I first got clean and sober, I felt very weak, like I didn’t have the strength needed for the task of not using. But I began to create linkage between others and myself in the program. I developed a reliance on a Power outside of myself because I could not rely on my own power. Soon all the links in this chain felt strong, and I began to feel like I could actually stay clean and sober one day at a time. But there was one thing I forgot: A chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link. Despite having several strong links in my chain of recovery, I found that when I was at my weakest moments, my program began to break; and I faced failure. This is why it was so important for me to build my faith in a Higher Power. During these times of weakness, I needed to pray, sometimes every five minutes. In these prayers I began to discover what my weak links were. I was able to begin to guard against some of these weak links. I began to see how my emotions could throw me off track. I saw how my unwillingness to call someone and ask for help was a real problem. I learned the wisdom of the program through some very difficult lessons. I think that each of us needs to learn these lessons and how to use intelligent faith to strengthen each and every weak link. Do I know what my weak links are and how to guard against them? Meditations for the Heart I have to keep my batteries well charged to keep my spirit alive and well. Each day I find that I need to make conscious contact with the Divine Spirit to get my batteries charged. Through quiet time and through prayer and meditation, I find that I can indeed recharge my batteries. I also get recharged at meetings and by talking with others in the program. As I make these connections, my very spirit is filled; and His Spirit flows into me and recharges me. When I grow weary, it is even more important to stop and rest with my Higher Power. Here I can gain strength and power to continue my journey. Here I can get recharged so that I am ready for whatever comes my way. In these quiet times I can rest until every worry, every fear and every concern is relieved. When my batteries are recharged, I feel a sense of serenity and inner peace. I know His love, and I know joy in that moment. It fills me with whatever I need. Do I keep my batteries well charged? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Today let me seek out any weak links in my chain and learn to guard against these weak links. Help me to find Your strength and use it to renew and recharge my batteries. Let me stay plugged into You in all that I do this day. Grant that I may seek after Your will for me today; and give me the courage, power and strength I need to accomplish Your will for me today. Amen. |
March 29
Wisdom For Today In my addiction to alcohol and drugs, I simply was not comfortable being me. I did everything I could to avoid myself. I deceived myself. I spent time living in tomorrow or yesterday. I focused on other people and found ways to blame them for my problems. I spent time sleeping when I should have been awake, just to avoid myself. It was too painful being me. I didn't like who I had become. I didn't like how I behaved and how I hurt others. Most of all, I would run to the alcohol and drugs just to escape reality and escape myself. I didn't like me, and I didn't like thinking about my life. Then recovery came along and I was able to barely look at myself in the mirror. There was so much shame. I was disgusted with myself and now I didn't have the drugs and booze to run to. I got into the steps and began to find my way out of the fog. I began to spend time in the fellowship and even began laughing occasionally. Over time my whole outlook changed, and I even began to like this new me. I was able to forgive myself and accept who I was. I got comfortable living in my own skin. For this I am grateful. Am I getting comfortable living in my own skin? Meditations for the Heart Sometimes, I wonder what God sees when He looks at me. Is He happy with me today? Is He happy with the choices I am making in my life? I know that often times I don't measure up. I am not perfect; but I have to believe that God likes what he sees, since I have cleaned up my act. I guess I want to do things that are pleasing to God now. Before all I ever wanted to do was please myself. I was so wrapped up in my self-centeredness I could not see God. I am glad He continued to watch over me in my insanity. When I think about how God sees me through his eyes, I know He sees a much bigger picture of me than I will ever see. This makes it much easier to trust that He is leading me to where He wants me to be. God's vision is clear, and He sees me in a whole different light that I do. Am I open to God's vision for me? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Each day I stay clean and sober is a gift from You. Thank you for this gift and thank you for helping me to become comfortable in my own skin. Help me this day to follow after your vision for me. Teach me to live the program. Grant me this day new light and a new vision of myself. Amen |
March 30
Wisdom for Today One of my biggest personal weaknesses was deep inside; I struggled with all the unstable emotions I carried. Alcohol and drugs helped to keep me anesthetized so I simply did not have to feel. As my disease progressed, I had increasing mental conflicts; and my emotions became more and more unstable. I began looking for ways to escape by drowning my troubles in alcohol and drugs. I looked for anything to help me push away the reality of my life. I would experience short-term gain only to suffer long-term pain. Eventually, I became so numb and so out of touch with reality that I had no idea what I was truly feeling anymore. I was just a balled up mess of confusion, rage, shame, fear, and sadness. I guess this is why the steps are numbered. I needed to learn how to stay clean and sober before I even begin to untangle the weakness deep inside. I needed to begin to unpeel the layers and layers of emotional mess to find an inner calm. I did not do this alone; I needed the fellowship and my sponsor to help me sort through the mess. Eventually I was able to deal with my emotions as they came up and learned healthy ways to cope with all my feelings without alcohol and drugs. Nothing about this was easy, but the inner calm I now have has been worth it. Am I ready to untangle the unstable emotional wreckage of my life? Meditations for the Heart Probably the biggest struggle I had was not letting my resentments get the best of me. Often times they would get in the way and prevent me from doing the next right thing. I would get resentful, and my behavior would soon be misdirected and off track. I would find excuses for my actions and even look to blame others. But this simply kept me sick. I needed to find a way to let go of these resentments. I searched my heart for ways to accept the other person. I was told to pray for them. When I could accept that the people I was so angry and resentful toward were human and that their behavior had been their way of trying to deal with my insanity, I began to find room in my heart for forgiveness. I found that I could do this to help me in my life. It was not so much to make them feel better, but it was so that I could feel better by letting go. Even the ones that I could not find a way to accept or forgive, I found a way to let go and let God do for me what I could not do for myself. Do I still harbor resentments against others? Petitions to my Higher Power God, Another new day, God, and I am clean and sober. I grow each day You grant me reprieve from my addiction. Sometimes I am purposeful in my growth, and other times I am surprised by how You help me grow. Help me this day to seek and find an inner peace. Help me to deal with life on life’s terms and not be controlled by unstable emotions. Take from me the roadblocks that I have that get in the way of doing the next right thing. Amen |
March 31
Wisdom for Today In facing our weaknesses, we find strength. I know this has been true for me, and it is true of life. Much like a diamond when it is first taken from the earth, I was dirty and rough; and there was no sparkle in my life. But just like a diamond when it is cleaned up, the rough edges removed and it is polished, I found sparkle in my life. In my drinking and drugging, I was a very stubborn person; but I used my stubbornness in very unhealthy ways. When I cleaned up, I began to become stubborn about my recovery; nothing was going to keep me from my primary purpose. Many of my personality characteristics that I saw as liabilities actually became assets in recovery. Rock climbers seek out small imperfections, crags, and rough places to get a grip to climb to their goal. I too was able to use many of my destructive characteristics in healthy ways once I got clean and sober. Today I can look back at all my years of active addiction and can say I am grateful for this experience. My drinking and drugging was a necessary part of my life existence to bring me to the place I am today. In my weakness I discovered strength through the program. I discovered a new way of living. I found ways to have my liabilities become assets. But just like the rock climber, I had to grab on and face the climb to reach this goal. Am I finding ways to turn my weakness into strength? Meditations for the Heart “Be still and know that I am.” This quote from the Bible speaks of our relationship with God. This statement does not say run around like a crazed maniac and know that I am. When I can stop and sit quietly, I can think about this Higher Power. I can begin to think outside the box of space and time and imagine a Power that exceeds this. I can begin to see the limitlessness of this Power. I can see the necessity of a Power Greater that watches over this universe and beyond. When I think of God, as I understand Him in these terms, I am left standing in awe. Who can this be that is so limitless, so powerful? Awe is a place that I think all addicts and alcoholics get to in their relationship with a Higher Power. Who is this that has taken me out of my brokenness and restored me? Who is this that Power that I experience in my recovery everyday? I cannot get my mind around this. It is too big for me to understand fully, but I understand more and more each day what this Power has done for me. Yes, in a quiet place, a still place, I can know God. Is my understanding of God changing in and through recovery? Petitions to my Higher Power God, You have taken my weakness and shown me how to use this and find strength. You have opened me up to seeing myself differently, and You have opened me up to seeing You differently. I pray that I may continue my journey along spiritual lines and more will be revealed to me. I pray that Your Spirit will not be removed from my life. Amen |
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