Wisdom For Today - April
 

April 1

Wisdom for Today
I did not choose to become an alcoholic or an addict. No one came to my school when I was growing up and said, "Who in here wants to be an alcoholic or an addict when they grow up?" I didn't raise my hand, and I didn't volunteer to have this affliction. No one chooses to become addicted. I started out just wanting to have a good time. Just like everyone else. I do not know what caused me to get this disease – genetics, my psychological make-up, social pressure or some combination of a lot of things. It does not matter. I have this disease.
I may not have chosen to become addicted to alcohol and drugs; but once I found out that I did have this problem, once my denial was broken, I became responsible for the choices I made regarding my recovery. I made the choice to continue going to meetings. I made the choice to work the steps. I made the choice to use my sponsor and the fellowship to help me along the way. Perhaps the only choice I did not make was God, as I understand Him. He chose me. Each day I have to make choices regarding my program. Each day I have to decide what I will value. Each day I have to make choices to do the next right thing. Each day I must walk the walk. For this I am responsible. Am I taking responsibility for my recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
"There is a time for every season under heaven." In fact, there is a proper time for everything. This is why the steps are numbered. This is why we must learn patience. I cannot hurry recovery. I must learn that I have to do things in a certain order. If I hurry things, I may do things at the wrong time leading to the wrong results. Timing is important, and this is why I had a sponsor to advise me when to do things in my recovery. This is why I listened to others at meetings to learn when to do things and in what order. If I tried to make amends before examining my character defects and my motives, I would have likely fallen on my face; or I would have hurt others further. I had to learn balance before I could risk stepping away from the chair holding me up. In the same way I had to learn balance in my recovery before I could even begin to trust my decisions. This is why I need to stop along the path and rest when it is needed. This is why I must ask for help and guidance when it is needed. Do I pause to consider timing along my journey?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Taking responsibility is something I seldom did. Teach me responsibility in my recovery. Help me to listen for Your will for me, and provide me with the power I need to carry out Your desire. Help me to judge the timing of my behavior, and teach me to wait in patience when I need to. Let me seek out wisdom through others in the program who will show me the way.
Amen.

April 2

Wisdom for Today
I remember one time when I asked my sponsor, "What is your secret? I mean how do you stay happy?" He just laughed as he often did when I asked him a question. Then he looked at me seriously, and he said, "Take it as it comes." I wasn't really sure what he meant, but over the next years I began to understand what he said more and more. What he was referring to was taking life as it comes. Deal with your troubles as they arise; maintain a sense of inner calm in the middle of your problems, knowing that God is near; and rise above the problems of life, keeping yourself spiritually healthy. This was the secret that was at first hidden to me in my sponsor's statement, "Take it as it comes."
In my recovery I like many others have had to face many different problems. Often times I have felt weighted down by the inescapable events of life and the pain that sometimes comes with these events. Loss in particular has been hard, whether it is the death of a loved one, or loss of a job due to economic pressures and downsizing or loss of health. Any loss can be difficult, but I have learned in recovery to take it as it comes. I can face problems as they arise. I can maintain an inner calm in the storms of life. I can rise above and stay spiritually healthy. Do I "Take it as it comes?"
Meditations for the Heart
The other important part of my sponsor's message was the fact that I also had to learn to take the blessings I received as they came. It became important for me to learn to recognize each blessing I got along the journey of recovery. It became important for me to carry these blessings with me. It also became important for me to give these blessings away to others in the program. My sponsor told me that I would receive blessings along the way in recovery, but I had no idea that so many good things could happen to me. Every time a window was closed, God has opened a door somewhere else for me. Each time I felt weak, I have been given strength. Each time I give away these things to others in the program, I am blessed again. Because each time I give it away, I am allowed to keep what I have. Do I bring blessings to others along my journey?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
One day at a time I have learned to walk with You on this road of recovery. You have placed people in my life that have shared their wisdom and courage and strength with me. Show me now how to be a blessing to others in my life that they may reap the blessings of recovery just as I have.
Amen.

April 3

Wisdom for Today
It seemed like I was always bored when I was using. Nothing really interested me anymore. I drank and used to escape this boredom, or I would work to create a crisis in my life to find a way out of the boredom. Sure there were times when I had fun, but most of the time I was just bored. Sometimes I would make up stories and lie just to make myself look good. Yes, I enjoyed the scamming and the tall tales, but every night I would go home to the same old thing. I really didn't have any friends, just people with whom I passed the time.
Early in recovery I thought that AA was boring. I thought that staying clean and sober was a terrible way to have to exist. I was wrong. Why was it that so many people decided to stay after the meeting? What was it that kept them interested? I began to hang out after the meetings and soon learned that recovery had many faces, none of which are boring. Here I learned of truth. Here I learned how to value friendship. Here I learned about trust. No longer did I need to scam. These people were genuine and real. They talked honestly and openly. I found a new sense of energy and no longer was bored. Have I found new meaning and something exciting about life in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
Hope can accomplish many things in recovery. I have watched as one obstacle after another fell or disappeared from my life simply because I was willing to hold onto hope. Hope that God could and would if He were sought! Hope that the promises could be true even for me! Hope comes through working these steps. It comes to us as a gift of His grace. Hope comes to us in surrender, and it grows in our hearts with each new day. Sometimes it seems elusive, and at other times hope can seem very distant. Yet if we search, there is always hope. Have I found hope in the Twelve Steps?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have helped me find new meaning in my life. You have planted a seed of hope deep within my heart. Help me this day to cultivate and nourish this hope. Let it ever grow to strengthen me. Guide me always back to the roots of this hope for a new life in the program.
Amen.

April 4

Wisdom for Today
For a long period of time recovery seemed to be a long series of tasks that I didn’t want to do but needed to do and then waited to find out why. And in many ways this is exactly what recovery is meant to be. The Twelve Step program is a process of seeking continually to improve our lives and who we are. It is more about being on the path to our goal, rather than achieving it. It is tempting to begin and measure how long we have been clean and sober in years, but the truth is that none of us ever fully reaches our goals or is fully cured. Many of the steps seem to be difficult, and often times I wanted to avoid or skip over some of the steps. But I kept remembering the statement from the Big Book, “Half measures availed us nothing.”

It became more important to stick with the program and work through the steps than risk relapse. Over time I began to see the effects of the program in my life. The promises started to come true in my life. I was changing, and life was getting better. It then became easier to want to sit back and rest. Then I discovered there could be no long rest stops. I needed to keep working the steps in all situations that I faced in my life. My addiction was only held in check by continuing to work my program one day at a time. Am I continuing to work on improving my life in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
Most projects in life require some preparation before actually doing the work. This is certainly the case in recovery. Each of us in the program did the preparation work necessary to become members of the program. Our addiction earned us a place at meetings. Each step in the program prepares us for the next. Each meeting I attend prepares me for the events of my life. For a long time I heard people at meetings say, “Take what works and leave the rest.” I know in part this statement refers to maintaining confidentiality and anonymity, but it didn’t tell me how to use what I had heard. Then one day I heard someone say this statement differently. He said, “Take what works and store the rest.” I liked this concept. It meant that everything I heard at meetings could be saved and used when it was needed. Today I see meetings as a way to stay prepared for whatever cards I am dealt in life. Am I storing the knowledge I hear at meetings?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Thank You for welcoming me into a new day. Let me take this day and use it to accomplish any task that You set before me. Help me to increase my willingness and to find courage to move ahead when I am called on to do so. Let me seize every opportunity to make progress that is given me.

Amen.

April 5

Wisdom for Today
When things got their worst, I really felt hopeless. I spent time in worry about my future. Was I going to end up locked up somewhere? Would I end up in some mental hospital? Would I end up dead? Worry was such terrible mental torment. What was going to happen to me if I couldn't find a way out of the madness of addiction? I knew there was nothing I could do to find a way out on my own. It was a scary but simple choice. I could end it all in suicide, or I could ask for help.
In desperation I reached out for help and found what I was looking for. In the program a new hope was born, and I actually began to believe that my life could turn out okay. The thing that still baffles me is the fact that I still find it difficult at times to ask for help. After years of evidence that asking for help works, I still find myself at times backing myself into a corner. Why is asking for help so hard? I think the answer to that question is different for each of us. Sometimes it is pride or arrogance. Sometimes it is simply foolishness or lack of commonsense. Sometimes it is fear of letting someone else know. Regardless of the reason, it is only when we come back to a place of surrender and honestly and humbly reach out that we find help. My goal is to remember this one day at a time. Do I still find it hard to ask for help?
Meditations for the Heart
One act in surrender is the act of obedience. When I walk though my day and ignore the directions that my Higher Power provides, I end up in trouble. When I follow the guidance I am given, I find that life goes much easier. In my addiction I always wanted to break the rules or at least bend them. I pretended that they did not apply to me. This is something I can't afford to do in recovery. It is too easy to get off the path of recovery if I do not obey the rules. Yes, I know that in the program you are told that there are no rules, only suggestions. But these suggestions are a matter of life and death. So whether you see them as rules or only suggestions, surrender involves the act of obedience. Sometimes I do not always like the suggestions I am given, yet in surrender I still need to be willing to follow the guidance I am given. Do I practice obedience, or do I want to still bend the rules?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Help me stay open to all the suggestions I am given and recognize that Your direction comes to me though many different channels. Let me hear the words of Your guidance and be willing to obey and follow where You lead. Let me not forget that You care about me and will lead me to a good place.
Amen.

April 6

Wisdom for Today
The program has taught me how to live life. I am not really sure how or even when this
happened, but life started to make sense, and using the Twelve Steps in my life started to make sense. Today I can see what to do when problems come up in my life. I don’t have to sweat it out like I did in my days of active use of alcohol and drugs. I know I have a support system behind me that will help me through any problem I have. No, they won’t do my taxes for me; but they will help me have the right attitude when I do them. They won’t help me in my parenting, but they will teach me how to change the things I can and accept what I can’t change.

Recovery is about learning to live again. And there are many lessons to learn; but it is
nice to know that I do not face life alone, no matter what. I can count on the program. I
can count on my Higher Power. I can count on the steps. I can use the tools, and it works. Yes, the program has taught me how to live; but it has also given me many gifts. I never thought the promises would come true for me. But they continue to happen in my life. I can trust the program to be there for me no matter what is going on in my life. Have I learned to count on the program?
Meditations for the Heart
Life also teaches me. Sometimes the lessons are difficult, and other times the lessons are quite pleasant, but either way life is a good teacher. As I am on this journey called
recovery, it is important for me to stop from time to time and look at the big picture. It
is easy to get caught up in all the day-to-day details of life and forget about the bigger
picture. Simple questions help me do this. How is my life going? How is my recovery work going? Am I getting to the place my higher Power wants me to be? Am I happy? Are the promises of the program coming true for me? Is there anything I need to change in my life? What are the roadblocks that seem to be getting in the way? These types of questions help me to focus on the bigger picture. Do I take time out to look at the bigger picture?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Today is another gift from You. Teach me Your plans for me today, and give me courage for the road ahead. Help me to take my blinders off and to see the bigger picture of life. Help me to keep going in the direction I need to go to keep growing.

Amen.

April 7

Wisdom for Today
One temptation we all seem to face at one time or another is over-confidence. For me it happens when everything seems to be going along smoothly. It becomes easy to forget the gift that recovery is and begin to take it all forgranted. Then I seem to somehow switch my thinking and no longer see His grace in my life. I no longer accept that I was given such a precious opportunity as recovery, and I begin to assume that somehow I have done something that has caused me no longer to need the program. I begin to become self-confident and assume I can deal with my disease on my own. I don't need help. Humility exits stage right, and I am left holding the bag. Denial creeps back into my life, and I am suddenly vulnerable to the voice of addiction.
This voice begins to whisper in my ear, and I begin to think I can handle things on my own. Addiction keeps on talking; and soon it has me in its clutches, trying to convince me that "one won't hurt," or "No one will know." Yes, self-confidence is a very dangerous road to travel. It most certainly can lead to relapse. But even if I resist this voice, I still find myself isolated and miserable. The only way out is to go back to the beginning. Go back to the steps. I have to admit I am powerless and out of control. I need to realize that there is hope, and as the Big Book says, "There is one who has all power; may you find Him now." Do I allow myself to become over-confident?
Meditations for the Heart
Recovery is not a stagnant process. We are either moving ahead, stuck and immobilized or backsliding. Each of us experiences each of these states in our recovery to a different extent. The important thing is that we see when we are getting into trouble and then do something about it. We need to put the program into action to stay on the right path. We need to walk in humility and be willing to ask for help along the way. Recovery is a program of action, and I need to be willing to take the steps necessary to stay on track. I need to be willing to go to any length to achieve and maintain sobriety. I need to listen to only one voice and that is the voice of God, as I understand Him. I cannot afford to risk listening to the voice of addiction. It is cunning, baffling and powerful. Do I watch to make sure I am staying on the right path?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Help me this day to walk in humility and to value the gift I have been given in recovery. Let me not take anything forgranted and stay focused on Your will for me. Give me this day the strength and courage I need to walk the path You lay before me. Keep me from becoming prideful, and help me in all that I do today.
Amen.

April 8

Wisdom for Today
One of the promises of the program states, "We will intuitively know how to handle problems which used to baffle us." Well, I am not sure how intuitive I am; but I do know that the Twelve Step program has indeed taught me a better way to understand my problems and my role in them. I have learned many new habits in the program. I know that I have choices today that I did not have before. I can ask for help. I can get feedback from others in the program. I do not need to overreact or under react to the problems that come up in my life. I can deal with each new issue or concern as it arises. I can turn things over to my Higher Power.
One thing is for sure; as each new twenty-four hours pass, I gain new insights and new ideas. I find that I do not need to run from my problems. I do not need to isolate. I do not need to use alcohol or drugs to escape. I can stand firm and know that with the help of the program, I will be able to deal with problems that come up in my life. I no longer need to let fear, sorrow, anger and frustration, or loss lead me into trouble. I do not need to try so hard anymore, because I have come to trust that the program works. Am I finding it easier to deal with problems now?
Meditations for the Heart
Daily we learn lessons in recovery. God provides us with many opportunities to learn new insights, new behaviors, new habits and new ways of thinking. Recovery helps to change our faulty belief systems. Perhaps one of the more difficult lessons I have had to learn is to remain calm in the middle of life's storms. Yet regardless of the events that take place in our lives, God's command and promise are the same. "Fear not, for I am with you always." Learning to trust in His power is a task that we all face. When I am stressed out by life, I need to remember to stay calm. When troubles come into my day, I need to remember to stay calm. I need to remember that He is with me every step of the way. I need to trust in His Power. I need to trust in His wisdom. I need to trust in His understanding and in His grace. Do I remain calm in the storm?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I do not know what this day has in store for me. Bit I do know that whatever life brings my way, I can trust that You are with me. Help me to remain calm in the difficulties I may face. Let me reach out to others and ask for their guidance and help. Let me also be of service in the things I do this day. Let me follow after You, because You know where best to lead.
Amen.

April 9

Wisdom for Today
We owe a lot to the founders of the AA program. Although these same people would say that what they did was simply borrowed from others, they indeed put the pieces together to develop a program of recovery that works. It all started with two men desperate to find a way out of the insanity of alcoholism. They met and shared their stories with each other. They were not looking to help the other person, but looking for a way to help themselves. From these original two individuals, a group was formed. Then other groups formed following the same principles. Today there are hundreds and hundreds of groups worldwide. There are thousands upon thousands of people who have used the Twelve Steps to find recovery.
Each and every day new people join these groups. In each person's case, the beginning starts with admitting powerlessness and in turning it over to the care of a Power greater than themselves. This Higher Power surely has done great things in and among the individuals of these groups. Yes, it all started with two people who found strength in and with each other and through a Higher Power. I can look back now and know that I owe a great deal to this program. It saved my life. Am I doing what I can to help the program grow and flourish?
Meditations to my Higher Power
Many of the original principles of the program were adapted from the Bible and its teachings. One verse often sited by our founders was, "Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled." I know I could never be filled when I was drinking and using drugs. I always was left empty and spiritually bankrupt. I knew once I got into the program that I was hungry for something, but I really didn't know what. I just knew I had to stop, and I didn't know how. It did not take long though for me to hear and learn the steps. I began to realize that I would need to hunger and thirst after something other than drugs and alcohol. I would need to hunger and thirst after the will of a Power outside of myself. My way just did not work. Today I find that I still hunger and thirst; but now it is for the courage to do the will of God, as I understand Him. Do I know that I will be filled if I do God's will for me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Each day I wake up hungry for Your guidance. I thirst after Your strength and power in my life. Give me courage to become a servant in the groups I attend. Let me be willing to do any service work I am requested to do. Let me always remain grateful for the gift of this program and what it has done for me.
Amen.

April 10

Wisdom for Today
I was one who always wanted to understand things. Sometimes this was very helpful, and at other times this knowledge seeking seemed to get in the way. For a long time I tried to understand the word humility as it is used in program literature. I spent hours paging through dictionaries, references, reading and re-reading but just couldn’t seem to gain understanding. Finally in frustration I asked for help at a meeting. The very thing that I was looking for was the thing that was stopping me from getting an answer. A lack of humility kept me from asking for help until I was so frustrated that I was miserable.

An old-timer on the other side of the room spoke up, “Sometimes you just have to be stupid.” I had known this individual for quite some time and knew he had only a third grade education. He could hardly read or write. But he was absolutely right. I had let my own ego and pride get in the way of asking for help. He went on to say, “I spent years trying to be something I wasn’t. I didn’t want to be me. Now I am spending time learning how to be the best me I can.” He talked about hiding behind his mask of alcoholism and addiction. He talked about walking out of the cloud of denial and walking into the light of truth. He talked of learning to accept himself – the good, the bad and the ugly. He said, “Today there is a whole lot less bad and ugly and a whole lot more good. People in the program showed me how to do that.” Am I finding a humble self-acceptance?
Meditations for the Heart
Learning can happen in a variety of different ways, but perhaps the most powerful learning I do is from my mistakes. When I fall on my face, stumble or miss the boat figuratively, I can use these experiences to learn. I can talk with others in the program and seek out different ways to handle similar situations in the future. I don’t have to keep making the same mistakes. In fact, today I believe the only mistakes that exist are the ones I do not learn from. In this life no one can achieve perfection in all that they do. We all miss the boat, fall on our face and stumble as we walk through life. When this happens, we have an opportunity to learn, take corrective action and change our behavior. My addiction was no mistake. I have learned much from this experience. I have learned a whole new way of living, thanks to the program and the wonderful fellowship of friends I have. Am I willing to learn from my mistakes?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Each new day I am given new challenges and have Your assurance that You will walk with me. Help me this day to remain humble and open to asking for help. Let me learn how to truly accept whom and what I am. Give me eyes to see my strengths and eyes to see my weaknesses. Keep me realistic in my opinion of myself.
Amen.

April 11

Wisdom for Today
When I was drinking and using drugs, I could find every excuse imaginable to justify my getting drunk or high and explain my behavior. This in part helped to support my denial system. As long as I could blame, excuse or explain everything to others and myself, I was okay. But it did not take long and my excuses no longer worked. My own rationalizations and reasons didn’t hold water, let alone a drink. The games I played with myself were complex and filled with self-deceit. Eventually I began to realize that what I was doing was not normal. It wasn’t even close.

I faced my addiction to alcohol and drugs and realized I had to find a way to stop. But even here, my excuses continued. My disease was not about to give up without a struggle. Even when I finally did give up and got clean and sober, I still worked hard to find excuses. Then I heard a comment at a meeting that stuck with me. Someone I had never met before and never saw again at a meeting, probably a visitor in the area stated, “Being alcoholic does not give me permission to act alcoholically.” This statement remains with me today. It has become one of the treasures I received in the program. Am I done with my excuses?
Meditations for the Heart
God, as I understand Him, has grown in my life in recovery. My concept and my openness to Him have changed remarkably in my recovery process. What I once perceived as Judge, now has become my Friend. What I once perceived as distant has now become close. What I once perceived as unreachable has now become reachable. This change is certainly most welcome in my life. Having a relationship with this Holy Power that is active, close and reachable has opened many doors that I thought were closed. Even more importantly, when doors were closed, a window was opened for me. I no longer have to walk blindly along the path and now have a most experienced Guide. As my excuses, which prevented a relationship with a Higher Power, disappeared I found security, hope, strength and humility. Do I have roadblocks standing in the way of my relationship with God?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Help me this day to be honest in all that I do. Let me not seek to hide behind excuses and games. Instead, let me find ways to be genuine and real. Let me seek to improve my conscious contact with You and seek to do Your will in the tasks that I face this day. Hold me close in Your protective arms.

Amen.

April 12

Wisdom for Today
Sometimes even in recovery I just get in a bad mood. I don't even need a reason for this to happen. It just seems like I got out of bed on the wrong side that morning. Even my morning meditation doesn't seem to get me back on track. Then I rush off, headlong into my day with my bad mood. These are the times when I am most likely to feel like it just isn't working. I get frustrated easily. I get crabby and irritable. Someone can look at me the wrong way or say the wrong thing to me, and I am off to the races. I can take it personally and become judgmental or even lash out in a manner that does not show any respect for the other person.
Sometimes by mid-morning or early afternoon I realize that I am having a bad day. At the end of my day I look back and regret how I behaved, and I don't like what I see. This is where Step Ten becomes so important for my recovery. I look back over my day and can honestly see that most if not all of my difficulty has to do with my attitude and my behavior. I need to look back and admit my mistakes, I may even have some amends to make the next time I talk with the people with whom I have interacted throughout my day. I also need to look back and see what went wrong. If I am unwilling to learn from these days, I will likely repeat them. Here I have found that talking to my sponsor or someone else in the program is important. I need to bounce things off of someone else and do some reality testing. Do I take inventory at the end of my day?
Meditations for the Heart
Often times when my day is screwed up, I need to look at where I am in my spirituality. Have I behaved in a way that my Higher Power would want me to? Invariably the answer to this question is “No.” I may have gone through the motions of a morning meditation, but I never really made conscious contact with God, as I understand Him. Just going through the motions doesn't work for me. My day started off badly because I took things forgranted. I took my Higher Power forgranted. I just did not want to really take the time to ask for help or direction. I just mouthed the words. But God has a sense of humor. He looks at me and laughs at the mess I get myself into and says, "He'll be back." Then God waits silently for me to come back, and when I do he laughs and says, "Did it again, huh? Tried walking through the forest with a blindfold on, and you fell on your face. When are you going to learn?" Do I know where to turn when I get off track?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
This morning let me not move too quickly and just take things forgranted. Slow me down and encourage me to open my ears to Your voice. Let me remember that You are my friend, and I need to treat my relationship with You as one who is my best friend. Be my guide this day, and grant me a willing heart to follow.
Amen.

April 13

Wisdom for Today

There were literally thousands of reasons I drank and used drugs. I used because it was a good day, and I used because it was a bad day. I drank and used because I was happy, and I drank and used because I was miserable. I spent hour after hour trying to figure out why I could not drink or use like other people. Many of us seek help and advice from a variety of professionals. Some of us spend time in hospitals or in jails only to find out this offers only a temporary reprieve. Even when I thought I found out why I drank and used the way I did, it did not stop me from continuing my obsession.

Eventually I had to realize I had gone too far. I was over the edge and falling fast. I was drinking like an alcoholic. I was using drugs like an addict. Even this did not stop me. It gave me more reasons to use. I was destroying my life, and I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t trying to destroy myself, but I couldn’t stop it either. My will to stop the insanity was defeated. In utter powerlessness I had to admit to myself that my way did not work. Figuring out the answers did not work. Understanding the reasons did not work. If I ever was going to stop, I had to find an answer that was not my answer. Have I stopped the obsession with trying my way?

Meditations for the Heart

Where would I find this answer if it was not going to be mine? To whom could I turn? “Ask, and you shall receive.” This line was where I found the answers to my obsession. I knew I could not stop the insanity on my own. What I didn’t know until I came into the program was that I could do almost anything if I asked for God’s help. Early in recovery I kept trying to convince myself that I was a useless person who could never do anything right. The program changed all that. I found that I could indeed accomplish much with the help of God, as I understood Him. If I called on His strength and wisdom, it was there waiting for me. All I had to do was accept this gift. All I had to do was follow, and I would be lead to a new place. I would lose the obsession. I would learn a new way of living my life. Have I accepted the gift of His grace?

Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Today I pray for acceptance of the wonderful gift of Your grace in my life. Let me willingly follow You where I am being led. Help me to let go of my old ways of thinking and behaving and learn a new way of living my life. Help me to be rid of my obsession completely.

Amen.

April 14

Wisdom for Today
There are those times when anger just seems to bubble up in life. It really doesn't matter what the cause of the anger is, what is important is how we react to the anger. Anger can be a very strong emotion that can play havoc in our lives. It is perhaps the emotion that we are most likely to lose control of, as if we really had any control to begin with. Each of us has our own unique set of clues that we are angry. Perhaps it is when you clench your jaw tighter, or when your breathing becomes deeper. We know that anger is lurking in our lives when these clues tell us it is close by.
Anger can jump up out of nowhere, and it can silently sneak up on us. Still, when this happens, we have choices. We have a choice not to run to the bottle. We have a choice not to run to drugs. We have a choice about how we behave when anger occurs. The program gives us these choices and many more. When anger comes up for me, I know that my thinking gets screwed up quickly; and so I know I must use the steps and ask my Higher Power for help. I need to stay aware of my character defects coming into play. I need to take slow breaths and seek shelter from the storm. I call my sponsor and discuss the matter. I pray. I use the steps, and I find healthier ways to respond to life. Do I know what I need to do when I become angry?
Meditations for the Heart
Painful as early recovery can be, one day each of us finds out the reasons for this pain. It is important for me to be open to learning in my pain, because I know these can indeed be valuable life lessons. Pain is not just about being tested or about loss; it can also be a time of instruction and also preparation for the rest of our journey in recovery. When I am in the middle of a painful situation, I don't like it. It is uncomfortable, and it hurts. Today I have learned much from my painful times. It brings me into much closer contact with my Higher Power. It can teach faith in the struggle. It can bring new insights into how our own behavior is at least in part responsible for the pain. Pain also can strengthen and toughen the spirit. Pain also can be a strong way of telling us that what we are seeking is not good for us. Pain can be a very good teacher. Am I open to learning the lessons that pain can teach? Do I know that all pain eventually subsides and goes away?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today I pray that if I am tested, I also will be willing to grow through the process. Help me to remain focused on my responsibilities when I am angry or in pain. Lift me up so that I might know that You are with me. Let me trust You with the outcome.
Amen.

April 15

Wisdom for Today
Most of us can look back and see that long before we finally quit drinking and using, we were out of control. I know for myself, I clearly went through a period of time where I refused to admit I had a problem, even though I knew the evidence was there to say I did. I hung onto my denial as long as I could. But my denial did not stop the consequences from happening. My disease was following the only course it knew. Addiction’s job is to progress and cause pain, and that is exactly what happened in my case.
Like most addicts, it took a lot to finally convince me that I had a problem. After enough pain and the denial falling apart, I had no other choice but to finally admit that I was sick and could not control it. This was an important turning point and an important lesson. I was defeated by alcohol and drugs. I learned that alcohol and drugs have no equal at handing out pain. I also knew I had no choice but to give up and stop trying to hold on to my old ideas. My way just did not work; and as long I kept trying, my disease would continue to take me down. Am I firmly convinced I am beaten?
Meditations for the Heart
"There is one who has all power, may you find Him now." For me this One who has all power is a force for good in my life. God always is about good. As long as I seek after His plans for me, I know that He will bring about good in my life. This doesn't mean I never will have problems in my life, but it does mean that my Higher Power will give me what I need to deal with these struggles. It does mean that if I follow His will, I will find good in my life. I also know that He has a purpose for me in this life I lead. God wants me to have my desires to become aligned with His desires. If I am able to do this, I can be assured that everything will be all right. I will be on God's side. Do I seek to align my will with that of God, as I understand Him?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Each day I am reminded that I need to seek after Your will for me. I do this because I choose not to fall back into the insanity of my life. I do this to grow. Teach me, mold me, and shape me into what You want me to be. Let me understand Your purpose for me in this day. Let me trust that where You lead me will be a good place.
Amen.

April 16

Wisdom for Today
Today we live in a time of much confusion and delusion regarding our basic beliefs about who we are as spiritual beings. In fact, many of us have thrown out our old ideas completely and have not looked for answers outside of ourselves. This narrow view that we are the center of the universe leads people to rely only on themselves. Many addicts and alcoholics experience this same confusion and delusion. "I am the center of the universe, and I can rely on no one except myself," is the mindset by which many addicts live. This narrow view in part leads to a terrible sense of anxiety. "What if I don't do it right? What if I can't make it? What if . . . ?"
Yet the program directs us not to look at ourselves, but to look for a Higher Power outside of ourselves. In fact, the program even names this Higher Power - God, as we understand Him. I know that when I walked into the doors of the program, I walked in filled with a strong sense of anxiety and failure. I was spiritually bankrupt. I needed to find hope somewhere, and this is exactly what I found. I found this hope not by looking in myself, but by looking outside of self. This is the hope that relieved my anxiety. Have I ceased relying only on myself?
Meditations for the Heart
Fence sitting is exactly what many addicts and alcoholics do. We do not want to make any decisions. Doubt keeps us captive on the fence. We just do not know which way to turn. I remember many times using the words, "I don't know." I would say these words to my family, and I would say them at meetings and to my sponsor. These words kept me from taking any action. I just couldn't get off the fence. There were many issues that I sat on the fence about. What recovery has taught me is to say, "Yes!" to the will of my Higher Power. Saying “Yes” leads me down the paths to a better place in my recovery. “Yes” brings me to a place to find strength and power. “Yes” brings me to a place to find courage and willingness. “Yes” brings me to a place where I am filled with His wisdom. Do I still let doubt and fence sitting keep me stuck?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have helped me remove the veil of confusion and doubt. My heart has been calmed, and I no longer live in an anxious state. I am grateful that I no longer have to live a life run by self-centered thinking. I am learning that the ways of the program do work, and I am willing to get off the fence and get into action. Lead me this new day.
Amen.

April 17

Wisdom for Today
This program is not a religious one, but a spiritual one. People in the program do not claim to be theologians. Instead we simply talk about the process of learning to live a spiritual life. We talk about matters like faith and hope. We describe how turning things over to a Higher Power has benefited our life. I can't graph out the spiritual process, nor can I draw you a roadmap on how to get there. But I can share how living a spiritual life of faith has led me out of loneliness. I can tell you how the hope I received in the program has calmed my anxiety and relieved my fears. I can tell you of many events that have happened in my life that have bought me happiness, inner peace and serenity. I can tell you that by living a spiritual life I have learned how to get along with other people.
Learning to live spiritually is accomplished through the steps, and it is learned from watching others in the program and following their example. Over time things such as depression, sorrow and pain are removed. Even the desire to drink or use drugs is removed. This does not mean that I am cured. It just is a benefit of living the program and having faith. It comes through obedience to the will of a Higher Power. It is His care to which we turn, and He will not let us down. Life is not always easy, and there are still bumps in the road. I still have problems, but these problems are by far much better than the ones I used to have. I still take five steps ahead and two steps back. Yet over time, living a Spirit-filled life leads to progress. Am I learning to live a Spirit-filled life?
Meditations for the Heart
A question that has popped into my head in the past was, "Is it okay to expect a miracle?" Well, the answer is a resounding – YES! Take a look around when you are at your next meeting, and you will see a room full of them. Ask any old-timer in the program if they ever experienced a miracle, and they undoubtedly will tell you of many in their recovery process. Miracles happen every day in recovery. You just have to look for them. Some people are a little reluctant to call them miracles and instead call these things change. But if you press them into how these changes occurred, you will hear them say it happened by walking the walk and by trusting in a Higher Power to do things I cannot do for myself. I would call that a miracle. Many things have happened in my recovery that I can't explain any other way. Do you expect a miracle? Are you willing to wait for the miracle to occur?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I start my day with a quiet time with You. In this conversation with You I both listen and talk to You. Help me this day to carry Your words and guidance with me. Teach me to live in the light of Your Spirit. Help me to stay on the path of spiritual living. Let me continue to experience Your miracles in my life. Walk with me this day.
Amen.

April 18

Wisdom for Today
Today is a gift. Each and every day I stay clean and sober is a gift from the program and from my Higher Power. I have choices in how I enter this day and in how I use this time I am given. Most of us, when we receive a gift, do not immediately jump up and down on it and break it. We value the gift we have received. And so it is with this day we have been given. When I see each day as a gift and value it, my approach to my day is different. I can start my day with a true sense of gratitude and thank God for all that He has done for me. I can eagerly ask for His help and guidance throughout my day. I can end my day and look back and realize that the gift I received was valued and that I did all I could to use my time wisely.

Each day unfolds differently. None of us can foresee the events that are about to occur. However, no matter what happens in my day, I have come to believe that when I walk through it with my Higher Power, I will be kept safe. Having this security is truly a wonder. No matter what problems arise, I know that I can be assured all the strength and courage I need for the day. I know that I can make constructive choices and follow the narrow path upon which God leads me. All I need do is listen for the heartbeat of His Spirit and follow it. Do I truly value the gift of another day?
Meditations for the Heart
“God is not finished with me yet.” This realization brings a whole new perspective for me. When I think about how God rescued me from drowning in a raging flood of addiction, I can be confident that He did not do this only to throw me back again. Yes, I can choose to jump back in, or I can walk too closely to the edge and slide back into the torrents, but this is not His plan for me. An Emergency Medical Technician does not administer CPR only to turn around and suffocate you once you have been revived. I do not know where God’s plan for me will lead, but I am confident that His plan is better than mine. His will is to lead me to the promises of the program; I simply need follow. I need to do the footwork. I need to be open and willing to follow His lead. Am I honestly working to follow His will for me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Today give me a heart that is willing to rely on You and Your plan for me. Help me to find true security in Your loving arms. Guide me through the steps of this day. I trust You to keep me in the way and give me the strength to not let go.

Amen.

April 19

Wisdom for Today
Each and every day I am faced with a choice. A choice to continue on the path of recovery or a choice to do an about face and return to the insanity. One choice leads to life, and the other choice leads to death. None of us knows for sure, certainly not I, where my next drunken high might lead. But one thing is certain. Making the choice gets easier if I really value my recovery. If I truly value my own life, if I truly value my relationship with a Higher Power, if I truly value honesty and if I truly value what recovery has given me, then making the choice is not so hard.
So the question each addict and alcoholic faces is this - What do I truly value? It is easy to say the words that I value my recovery, but it is entirely something different to look at where I spend my time. My sponsor once told me that all I had to do to determine what I really valued was to look at how I was spending my time. If I truly valued the program, I would spend time at meetings and working the steps. If I truly valued a relationship with my Higher Power, I would spend time with Him in prayer and meditation. If I truly valued honesty and the things that recovery had gifted me with, then this is where I would spend my time. What do I really value today?
Meditations for the Heart
The real work of the program is to grow spiritually. It is too easy to grow complacent and lazy about my spiritual life. It takes real commitment to develop good spiritual habits. Each day I have a routine to build my relationship with God. But a strong spiritual life exists far beyond the morning and evening routine. It is about seeking after good in all that I do. It is about becoming willing to be obedient to His will for me. It is about seeking His treasure for me that exists here in this life. Only when I am diligent about this search in all that I do can I hope to find the hidden treasure. And what is this treasure? Well, the program speaks of the promises of recovery. It talks of things like peace of mind and serenity. It speaks of a new way of living, being no longer baffled by life. Are these things too high a goal? I think not. I have seen these things in my own life, and I have seen these things in the lives of many other recovering people. It takes work, but the goal is worth it. Am I working to grow spiritually?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You know the inner workings of my soul. You know my true desire and what I really value. Help me this day to seek after what You want in my life. Lead me to a place of willingness and teach me to become obedient. Let me this day grow along spiritual lines and learn to value the gift of recovery I have been given.
Amen.

April 20

Wisdom for Today
Probably one of the biggest changes I have experienced in recovery has been achieving serenity and peace of mind. I do not have this all the time, but more often than not I can go through my day and not live in a state of constant anxiety. When I was actively drinking and using, some of the anxiety I felt was physical. I would wake up in the morning and feel sick. My body felt like a truck had hit it. My body ached, and I was agitated, shaky and nervous. But that was a small part of what was going on inside of me. It was much more the mental anguish.

I lived in a state of fear. I suffered in quiet desperation. I always felt different, and I was lonely and isolated from everyone, even myself. I didn’t know myself anymore. I lived with a growing sense of inferiority, guilt and shame. There was no inner peace. I had no serenity. The program and working the steps changed all of that. I am not really sure when I first began to gain the sense of inner calmness; but as my behavior, beliefs and thinking all began to change through my being clean and sober, something changed on the inside. I began to know peace, and I began to know serenity. Am I changing on the inside? Do I know more peace of mind in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
As an addict and alcoholic I know I need to look for guidance from my Higher Power. But one place more than any other has this been true – my daily interaction with other people. I have learned just how easy it is for me to get off track with my thinking, my emotions and my self-image if I don’t turn to my Higher Power and ask for direction in my interactions with other people. God can and will lead me if I turn to Him. He will care for me in all my relationships with other people. He will keep me from temptation and failure if I follow where He leads. He will protect me in all my interpersonal interactions with others. I am led to places where I can grow in my relationships with others. I am shown how to develop trust and rebuild my interpersonal life with others. I find ways to live properly and treat others as I would want to be treated. My loneliness disappears. Am I finding that my Higher Power teaches me to have healthy relationships?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

I am grateful for the sense of inner peace You have given me. The inner serenity I experience, even in the middle of life’s storms, is a gift from You. Thank You for showing me the way to get to this place in my life. Help me to continue to grow in my relationships with others. Lead me, teach me and show me what I need to do in this day.

Amen.

April 21

Wisdom for Today
Probably one of the biggest changes I have experienced in recovery has been achieving serenity and peace of mind. I do not have this all the time, but more often than not I can go through my day and not live in a state of constant anxiety. When I was actively drinking and using, some of the anxiety I felt was physical. I would wake up in the morning and feel sick. My body felt like a truck had hit it. My body ached, and I was agitated, shaky and nervous. But that was a small part of what was going on inside of me. It was much more the mental anguish.

I lived in a state of fear. I suffered in quiet desperation. I always felt different, and I was lonely and isolated from everyone, even myself. I didn’t know myself anymore. I lived with a growing sense of inferiority, guilt and shame. There was no inner peace. I had no serenity. The program and working the steps changed all of that. I am not really sure when I first began to gain the sense of inner calmness; but as my behavior, beliefs and thinking all began to change through my being clean and sober, something changed on the inside. I began to know peace, and I began to know serenity. Am I changing on the inside? Do I know more peace of mind in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
As an addict and alcoholic I know I need to look for guidance from my Higher Power. But one place more than any other has this been true – my daily interaction with other people. I have learned just how easy it is for me to get off track with my thinking, my emotions and my self-image if I don’t turn to my Higher Power and ask for direction in my interactions with other people. God can and will lead me if I turn to Him. He will care for me in all my relationships with other people. He will keep me from temptation and failure if I follow where He leads. He will protect me in all my interpersonal interactions with others. I am led to places where I can grow in my relationships with others. I am shown how to develop trust and rebuild my interpersonal life with others. I find ways to live properly and treat others as I would want to be treated. My loneliness disappears. Am I finding that my Higher Power teaches me to have healthy relationships?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

I am grateful for the sense of inner peace You have given me. The inner serenity I experience, even in the middle of life’s storms, is a gift from You. Thank You for showing me the way to get to this place in my life. Help me to continue to grow in my relationships with others. Lead me, teach me and show me what I need to do in this day.

Amen.

April 22

Wisdom for Today
Did you ever have one of those days that was just good all the way around? Recovery has blessed me with many of these kinds of days. I don't think I can say that about my days when I was active in my addiction. Sure, there were good times, times when I wasn't in trouble; and those days were marked by luck when I was still getting high. Drinking became more and more a part of my life. Using drugs never seemed to slow down. But I really don't think I could ever say that I had a really good day – a day when I was at peace with the world and with myself. Using just seemed to take any real joy out of the day.
One thing that has really helped me to have those good days in recovery has been to learn to sing the song, "Don't bring me down." What I mean is this. There is nothing in this life that is so heavy or that can upset me so much that it gets me down. I have learned to have a deep abiding faith that my Higher Power walks with me in all that I do. He is always there to take care of me. Yes, things still go wrong in my life, and I have problems, but nothing that will bring me down to the depths that my addiction once did. I am climbing out of those depths only to reach new heights. It is a part of His plan for my life in recovery. Do I know that I will never go back to the depths as long as I keep my Higher Power by my side?
Meditations for the Heart
There was a time when I walked through the desert of life. The burning sun sapped the life out of me. Then I came to the program and like a big rock in the middle of that desert, it provided shade for me. It was a shelter from that which certainly would have brought me death. It provided shade for me from the searing heat. At first, this safe place was wonderful. Then early in recovery I began to wonder if I could ever leave the safety that this rock represented. I began to think that I was stuck out in the middle of the desert and would never be able to leave the safety of the shade that the program offered. It was purely an act of faith to leave this spot in hopes of finding green valleys that I heard so many talk of in the program. I was surprised to find out that the rock followed me. This is what God does. He lifts the rock and carries it so that we always have a safe place to go to. God is our refuge and our strength. Am I finding the faith to continue my journey in recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I do not know yet what this day will bring, but I am confident in You. I have watched You provide a safe place for me day after day in my journey. It is Your strength that I rely on. This is not something I could do without Your help and guidance. Let me have a strong faith in Your everlasting help. Help me to know that every day in recovery is a good day.
Amen.

April 23

Wisdom for Today
Every one of us in the program has clay feet. However, we do not all have the same weaknesses. This is why we depend on the group as a whole. We do not want to rely on any one person alone, even our sponsor. While sponsors are individuals who have a good deal of clean time under their belt, they too have clay feet. This is why the fellowship and the group are so important to us. We need other people to bounce ideas off of. We need to be able to talk to others when we are not finding the help we are seeking. The program teaches us “not to put all our eggs in one basket.” Sponsors are not perfect, and neither is anyone else in the program.
I feel sorry for those that do not develop a number of relationships in the program. They are choosing to walk on thin ice. What happens if the person they are depending on most relapses? What happens if the person they are depending on most moves away? Each of us needs to find a sponsor that helps us find our way in recovery, but we should all take caution in relying only on this person. There is only one that we can rely on always and that one is our Higher Power. God is always there for us, but we still need others we can talk to and get feedback from. Putting someone on a pedestal and relying on just that one person can lead to big trouble for us in our recovery. Have I developed a network of individuals for the ongoing support I need?
Meditations for the Heart
There is a peace that cannot be taken from us. That peace is an inner peace that passes all understanding. It is an inner peace that is a gift from God. No one person has the power to disrupt this inner peace. They can't take it from us. Only we can disrupt this peace by refusing to work the program and falling on our faces. We must guard this peace with a real sense of purpose. We must guard it, as if it is the most valuable possession we have. We must be careful not to let the world's insanity and problems into this inner peace. If we do, it is too easy for us to be distracted by these problems and lose the gift of our inner peace. This does not mean that we ignore problems when they arise, it just means that we must always have a safe place to go when we start to get overwhelmed by the problems around us. This inner peace provides us with solitude to think, to meditate, to ask for help, to receive strength and courage. Yes, we must keep on our guard to value this gift. Do I protect my inner peace and value the gift I have received?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I am so grateful for the gift of inner peace that I have received. Help me to do what is necessary to protect this inner peace by not letting the insanity and problems of life get to me on the inside. Help me this day to expand my network of friends in recovery and in the world. Give me courage to ask for help when I need it. Teach me to rely on this group of friends.
Amen.

April 24

Wisdom for Today
At almost every meeting I attend, I hear words of wisdom. Sometimes this wisdom comes from an old-timer in the program and at other times it may come from someone who is brand new to the program. Sometimes, I even surprise myself and hear the words coming out of my mouth. These words of wisdom may be a quick one liner or they may come from someone who speaks for several minutes. I never really know where I will hear these words of wisdom; I just know that it is my job to listen for them.

It may be that I hear an old idea restated in a different way that sheds light on my current issues. It may be that I am hearing something for the first time or it may simply be that it is the first time that what was said makes sense. Over time I have learned that I need to listen for these words because I never know when I might need them. It may be the same day or it may be months from now that I will be able to use these words in my own life. One thing I do know is that without
these words of wisdom, I still might be stuck at step one. These words of wisdom have taught me how to live the program. These words of wisdom have helped me time after time deal with difficult situations in my life. These words have helped to save my life. Do I put the words I hear into action?
Meditations for the Heart
Sometimes I still behave in ways that I later regret. I say things to someone else that I wish I hadn’t or I behave in ways I wish never happened. Each of us in recovery has these experiences. What is important about these experiences is that we learn from them. What could I have done differently? What amends might I need to make? What is the real issue underneath of my behavior? What character defect emerged in this situation? What was my part in what happened? It has been important for me to ask myself questions like this in my recovery. It has also been important for me to talk with others about situations like this so that I can gain insight and perspective. Sometimes, in fact frequently, I discover that I simply did not have a good answer to my issue. This is why talking to others has helped me in my recovery. Other times, I find new solutions to old problems. Do I remain open to growing in my recovery?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Life is sometimes hard and I am not sure how to handle it. I screw up and I make mistakes. I am so grateful that You put people in my life to help me sort through these difficulties. Grant me this day an open mind and good ears to listen for words of wisdom that may help me along my journey. Grant me humility to admit my mistakes and learn from them.

Amen

April 25

Wisdom for Today
I used to spend a lot of time wondering about the future. I had these images of what it meant to be successful. I dreamed of having a higher power job and making lots of money. I dreamed of having a wonderful family. I dreamed of one day sitting on my front porch and drinking a beer and enjoying all the fruits of my labors. Addiction changed all those dreams into nightmares. I couldn’t find a decent job. I didn’t finish school. My family life became dysfunctional, and all those dreams and hopes melted away.

In recovery, I see things differently. I have learned that I do not have to wonder about my tomorrows as long as I take care of today. I can rest assured that tomorrow will take care of itself as long as I am doing what I need to do today. Many of those dreams I had are indeed coming true for me now. I managed to go back to school and finish what I had started. Although my family life has not turned out as I had once imagined, I am trilled with the family life I do have. I even found a job that I love doing. I no longer wonder about tomorrow. I simply wonder about what my Higher Power has planned for me today; the rest will take care of itself. Am I living life to it’s fullest today?
Meditations for the Heart
I do love opening presents and finding out what is inside of the beautifully wrapped boxes. Sometimes I find the things I need, and at other times I find a real surprise. I think all of us enjoy this experience. For me recovery has been much the same. It is like opening a whole bunch of wonderful presents. Many of the gifts I receive in recovery are very much the things I really need and others are a pleasant surprise. Sometimes the gifts of recovery are an encouraging word from a friend. Sometimes it is a new insight or maybe being accepted and forgiven. Still other times are a complete surprise; God turns the pages of my life in a whole new direction. I did not always recognize the gifts I received early in recovery, but today I look for these gifts and work to cherish the gifts that I receive, as they are more valuable to me than any earthly possession. Do I recognize and cherish the gifts that recovery brings?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

So many good things have happened to me in recovery, and I now know these are all gifts. By all rights, my addiction should have taken all these things from me; but You rescued me from this fate. Help me this day to acknowledge and cherish the gifts of recovery. Teach me to live in today with wisdom, courage, and faith.

Amen

April 26

Wisdom for Today
One of my favorite aspects of attending meetings is the incredible diversity of the people who attend. We all come into the program from different walks of life. There can be everything from a homeless street addict to a top CEO from business and industry. You will see doctors, layers, and Indian chiefs, housewives, blue-collar workers and teenagers, old-timers and people of every color. Addiction to alcohol and drugs shows no partiality. This very diversity of the program is one of its greatest assets. Each of us brings our own unique perspectives on life in recovery. We are able to teach each other by sharing our experience, strength and hopes with each other. What is one persons character defect, shortcoming or weakness may be someone else's strength.
Each of us in the program has something to offer another. What is my weakness may be your strength. And my strength may be exactly what you are looking for. These strengths and weakness that exist within the program help to balance out the whole. Finding balance is something we all need, and the program helps us to achieve just this. We may all have the same problem, but it is this very diversity with the program that helps us learn how to live life again. It is important for each of us to recognize that we have something to offer. It is just as important for each of us to see that we have something to learn. Do I see that balance and learning to live can be achieved through the members of the program?
Meditations for the Heart
"Stay connected," these are the words my sponsor gave me over and over again. He wasn't just talking about our relationship, although he expected me to call him everyday in the beginning. He was talking about staying connected to my home group. He was talking about staying connected to the program and the steps. He was talking about staying connected to my Higher Power. At first staying connected meant being glued to my support system. As I got further along in recovery, it meant staying plugged in. This connection to all the support has kept me from going back to relying only on myself, and I know that would be nothing but trouble. I have seen people with years of recovery under their belt get unplugged from their support system only to see them eventually get unplugged from recovery. Because of this I know better. Do I stay connected?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have created the world as a place of marked diversity, a place in your own image. This very diversity is what helps me become a better person and teaches me how to live with balance. Balance helps me maintain a true sense of humility. This day help me to stay connected to the support that is always available to me. Teach me not to fear asking for help. Let me also be willing to give help when I am asked.
Amen

April 27

Wisdom for Today
When I was active in my addiction, it took every ounce of energy I had just to hold on. It didn’t seem to matter how tightly I held on; things continued to slip away. First it was my relationships with my parents and siblings. Then my relationship with God fell by the wayside. Soon my friends started to disappear, and then my job started to get away from me. In every way possible, my life was slipping away and I knew it was just a matter of time before I lost my life as well. All meaning in life
just seemed to fade away. I was living with only limited time left.

The program and the Grace of God gave life back to me. Today I understand that this time I have been given is borrowed. I owe the program and my Higher Power for saving my life. My whole attitude about my life has changed since coming into the program. I now understand that the life I hold onto today is a gift. I realize that I need to hold this life in trust for the program and for God. This is why I try to give back in some small measure what I have been given. I feel a sense of
responsibility to help others in any way that I can accept the gift that is freely given by God and by the program. Do I hold my life in trust for the program and for God?
Meditations for the Heart
Think deeply about the gift of recovery that has been given to you. When I really stop and think about what could have been and where I am at in my life today, I sit in awe. A miracle has happened. Not only do I have life, but also I have found happiness and inner peace. Then when I think about what it means to have this gift and to hold it in trust, it becomes easy to do the things I need to do in recovery. When I realize what has happened to me in recovery, I become convinced
that anything is possible. I only need to practice these principles in all that I do. I believe that more miracles will occur in my life if I hold my life in trust for God. When I do what He wants me to do, good things happen. I simply need to follow His lead and leave the results up to Him. I know everything will be good. Even in my struggles, I have learned that good can come from these. Am I making good the trust I have been given?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

This is a day to celebrate the miracle of my life. In humble gratitude I know I have been entrusted to live my life as You would want me to. Let me not forget all that has been done for me by the people in the program and by Your mighty hand. Today I know I can celebrate because of the gift of a new day. Let me use this gift wisely.

Amen

April 28

Wisdom for Today
The real question we all must face is, "Can I learn from my experience and grow and help others?" Tough question! -- because in each of us is the tendency to live in extremes. On the one hand, there is the side of us that plays the role of the rebel. We grow tired of all the structure that recovery demand of us. We resist doing what we know we should. We refuse to follow the lead of our Higher Power. The role of the rebel does not lead to growth. On the other extreme there is the tendency to assume perfection. Perfection simply is not attainable and always leads us to a place where we feel defeated and worthless.
In order to grow in our experiences, we need to find something in the middle of these two extremes. What we find here is something called humility. Here we learn to accept who and what we are. Here is where we learn what we can become. Here is where we can share our experience to help others. It has only been in a place of humble acceptance that I have learned from my experiences. I have learned the delaying of growth that both perfectionism and rebellion cause. The course of relative humility is the only place I really learn anything. The progress is not always quick, but the lessons are essential for my recovery. Have I stopped trying to live in extremes?
Meditations for the Heart
One of the greatest joys I have experienced in recovery is to watch a room full of addicts and alcoholics suddenly burst into laughter. Usually it is because of a story being shared that we all can relate to. We see the humor in our stupidity. We learn to laugh at the insanity of the illness. It is as if everyone in the room suddenly has had a light of self acceptance turned on and we can all laugh about our crazy behavior at the same time. It is not so much the laughter that heals, but the genuine self acceptance we experience in this moment. When these moments happen I like to file them away, so that in times beating myself up or times when I get too self-reliant, I can think back to this genuine self acceptance. These moments act as a good mirror for me and allow me to look at myself in a true reflection of who I am. Have I found a genuine self acceptance?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Teach me to walk a humble path this day, for it is on this path that I learn the lessons of recovery. Keep me open to Your vision for my life. Help me find a good mirror so that I can see myself in Your light . Grant me this day what I need for the journey.
Amen

April 29

Wisdom for Today
Desire is one aspect of addiction that can get really out of hand. All human beings are born with abundant natural desires. But add alcohol and drugs to these natural desires and it isn't strange that we often far exceed their intended purpose. We all desire liquid to quiet our thirst. But when our desire is for a "cold one," then we have a tendency to let our desire run wild. When desire drives us blindly, or we willfully demand more than what is possible, then we head down a road of self-destruction. For many of us it was not just the alcohol or drugs that we desired. But desire took us looking for money, power, sex, and even revenge. Addiction and desire became warped and took us to our bottom.
If we ask, God will certainly forgive our insatiable thirst for satisfaction of our warped desires. But He does not leave us with no desire. Even in recovery, desire can be our friend or our foe. If we desire a life - clean and sober, then desire can be our friend. When we desire to follow the path of the steps, then we find happiness. However, if we continue to let desire lead us in an unhealthy direction, then we will reap the consequences this brings. If we desire to run the show our way, it is certain to bring us back to our knees. In recovery, we learn that we must desire to do His will, if we want to find freedom. Where are my desires taking me?
Meditations for the Heart
One temptation I face is to pray for specific outcomes for others I care about. I admit that the prayers I pray are often well intended, because I seek to have God help someone I care about. But when I will ask God to remove their pain, to relieve their struggle, I am also at risk for assuming that I know what God's will for these individuals is. These prayers are said as well intended requests of God. Yet, these very same prayers can get me into trouble. It is all too easy for me to begin to suppose to know the will of God. It is as if I ask these things assuming that this is His will. This type of presumption and conceit can lead me into a very bad place. It took me a while to understand this temptation - to see that I was acting as if I knew what God's plan is. In the program I have learned that I ought to pray for God's will to be done for others as well as for myself. Do I pray with presumption of my knowing God's will?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Your wisdom is far beyond my understanding. Your plan is beyond my knowledge. Help me this day to trust Your wisdom and your plan, not just for me , but also for others. Teach me not to presume knowledge of Your will, and simply to follow where You lead. Free me from unhealthy desire and to desire only your will for me and the power to carry this out.
Amen

April 30

Wisdom for Today
One hard lesson we all had to learn is that we will never be the same again. Once we got the program given to us, this gift changed us forever. Some of us have tried to go back out there and found out the hard way that drinking and using drugs just wasn't what we thought it would be. Relapse is a hard lesson; and once we have tried it, we soon find out that the fantasy of normal drinking or social use was just that, a fantasy. We think to ourselves, "Maybe they were right after all. I am not able to control it. It controls me."
Relapse frequently ends up with feelings of extreme guilt, shame and loneliness. The consequences are often profound. This is why it is so important for us to get back to the program and stay there. We learn the hard way, but the important thing is that we learn. I finally had to ask myself, "How far do I want to dig this hole I have gotten into. I had to go back and walk through the doors again and start over. I had to learn what I didn't learn when I first walked through the doors of the program. Today I know that I can't go back. I don't even want to. The program has given me so much that I do not want to even risk losing it again. I'm glad I will never be the same again. Have I stopped digging the hole deeper?
Meditations for the Heart
I have been in meetings with individuals whose religious training was far superior to mine. I have watched them struggle with the reality that all their convictions and beliefs had not stopped the insanity of addiction. I have watched as these same individuals questioned why their faith had failed, and others have succeeded. "Why didn't all my religious training save me from this insanity?" they ask. It is not that their training did not save them, rather it is the best example that faith alone does not work. If we sit on the sideline faithfully waiting for God to fix us, nothing happens. Yet when we attend every practice session and work hard to develop our skills, God sees that we have been faithful in our effort and rewards us by sending us into the game of life. We have to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. We cannot simply hope our way into recovery. For me recovery comes not so much because I have faith, instead it comes because I am faithful in following where I am led. Am I willing to be faithful?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Am I ever grateful that I have learned that I no longer need to keep digging the hole of addiction. More so, I am glad that I have been taught to do the repair work needed to keep my recovery going strong. Today I will be faithful to Your calling and Your direction. Lead me on this path to where You wish me to be.
Amen