For me it is a desire to live; much better than my desire to stop the world and get off, which is how I felt before recovery.

Learning to say "No!" Doing first things first, which is my sobriety (soundness of mind). Without me, I have nothing. My family and friends don't have me either, they can't do it for me, they can be a support, but I need to be honest with myself, open my mind to new ideas and concepts, and be willing to go to any length to maintain that sobriety. No just putting down the drug, but applying the Steps to myself and remember recovery begins with me. We may not think we are addicts, but we live our life through others, we pick up people to fix and take care of. I am powerless over people, places, and things.

I can't stop my son from using, but I can pray for him and not enable him.

This reminded me of the question, "How do you start a new meeting?"
With a resentment and a coffee pot!

For me it is about seeing where they are going and what direction they are taking. I have a couple of friends who are heavy smokers and I just can't go into their home. When they came to me, they would smoke on my balcony, but they would bring the smoke back in with them.

I can pick up the phone and call, but I can't jeopardize my sobriety. If I picked up a cigarette, I would die faster than if I picked up a drink or another drug. First things first, my sobriety. Hopefully the lung specialist will have some answers for me on the 28th. It is one of the reasons that I can't always go to a meeting, I can't get through all the smoke without having chronic pain and major coughing fits.

The forgiveness is there although I do have to admit, that I have problems with people, who keep doing and saying the same things over and over again, and have not made the steps to change and help themselves. I can't do it for them. All I can do is pray.

One of my long time running fears has been hungry and running out of food. I know my God provides and He has many times. I will have to process this and do some praying and have a little talk with my God.

The slogan "First Things First." Don't question the program, it works when I work for it. Without my recovery, I have nothing, and my family and friends don't have me either.

When I have growing pains, I try to get back to basics. Look at what I have allowed to get in my way and take up my time and steered me in a different path. Will it take me where I need to be, or do I have to turn around, check at the Steps I took or didn't take, and talk to my sponsor. If you don't have one, I suggest you get one.

For me it has been learning to live with five different types of arthritis, and not abuse my medication, and not go back into narcotics that would make the pain go away. Several doctors over the years, have told me that in order to get rid of my tremon disorder in my left hand was to pick up a glass of alcohol. Now it is in both hands, using is not an option. As I was told in treatment, the body manufactures the pain to tell you that you need more.

I had to learn to laugh at myself and look at my actions and decisions I took to get me to where I am in today. Most times I am my own worst enemy.

Invite my God into my day and ask for what I need to stay clean and sober in today. First things first, my recovery, without it I don't have me.

It mentions the "Hawk" and Jamie Sams says it is the Messenger. I ask for 'Hawk Medicine' to help me carry the message to the Alcoholic/Addict who still suffers.

D. J. Conway says:

Clear-sightedness, being observant. Far memory or calling for a spiritual message of omens and dreams. Overcoming problems, taking advantage of an opportunity. Courage, defense, wisdom, illumination, new life, creativity, truth, experience. Getting a larger over-view so you can make better decisions.

Keep my committments, and for me, if I cannot make it, then I phone to postpone or cancel. Respecting others, I am NOT the only one. I feel like being late, I am disrespectful. One of my pet peeves because of this is going to my doctors and waiting an hour to get into see him. It took a little more work on the issue, when I went in and it said if you were 10 min. late for your appointment, it would be cancelled and you would have to rebook.

When I look at where I was and where I am in today, I see growth. That does not mean that I do not have to pull some weeds, add a little fertizer, and nurture myself, by giving my body, mind, and spirit the food it needs and a little watering, to get rid of the old to make room for the new.

The nice thing about recovery, we don't have to hide behind masks. With me what you see is what you get. If you met me in person, you would see the person you read about on the site. As I said to my friend Bert today, "We aren't too bad for a couple of 72 year olds.
:D

As they say, "If you find yourself pointing a finger at someone, you have three coming back at you." I try not to do this any more, got tired of doing so much work on myself. I learned whatI saw in others, was a reflection from with in me, be it positive or negative.

My worry in today is that my son will not choose recovery. He has no connection to God, and I pray that he finds the way. All I can do is pray, for him and for me.

Foregiveness and letting go the weakest and my strongest would be empathy, knowing and accepting where others and myself are coming from. I have been told over the years that I am a strong woman. The strength doesn't come from me, it is only through my God that all things are possible.

I know there are healthy fears. I don't walk in from of a bus and expect that my God will put His Hand down and grab me by the scruff of the neck and say, "Don't go there."

What kept me sober for the first few months, until I could detox enough to understand and work the program, was fear of going back to where I came from. I didn't want to detox again. I didn't want to stand in the way of my son's addiction, I had to let go and let His God lead and guide him. I had to realize I was not his Higher Power, and live and let live.

Every once in a while, I have trouble grasping onto hope, and fear he will dies as a result of his disease. I had to realize it was his choice, and I didn't have the power to change him. All I could do was work my own program and lead by example.

It was a real risk to ask him to leave and he ended up in shelters and was homeless. I feared that I was a bad mom, but I needed to practice tough love. It is not easy to be a good member of Al-Anon and a mother too.

Some days I think they are all hiding or I lost them along the way.

What I need is to be strong, in my faith and my beliefs.

Getting involved in service. I had a lot of self-esteem issues, and as they say in the program, the best way to overcome it is to do esteem-able acts.

Heard it first at AA, "No pain, no gain." I think we have growing pains, as we go through change. It is a process not a quick fix.

As I have said many times, "Today thanks to the 12 Steps and the Fellowship(s), and because I changed and have a choice about picking up the tools of recovery, which helps me to deal with life on life's terms.

Our emotional, mental, and spiritual pain can come out physically, and visa versa.