How It Works
 

Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.


This is the part of How It Works I want to talk about today. So many people grasp onto this as an excuse for relapse. They don't even know the meaning of the word.

It means, knowing the truth, but doing it anyway, not caring. Sadly, it describes my son, more than anyone else I know. He was 25 when I came into treatment and he has been in treatment 5 times himself. He says to me, "Don't tell me Mom, I know." It is also a disease of perception. The only one to break through that is his God.

So many times we played games and tried to control our drinking. We changed brands, we mixed it with other things, like me who HATED beer, couldn't stand the smell or the taste, I added Coca-Cola too it and all it did was spoil the taste of my Cola, my first addiction.

I found this picture at Angelwinks today. When we something in a shape we recognize we don't like we say no, but if it had our drink of choice in there, how quickly we would change our tune.

When I broke with my husband, I knew I had to quit drinking because I couldn't afford to keep me in the style that I had become accustomed is what I said, but in reality, it was the fact that I just drank too much and didn't get enough to keep up my habit and didn't want to pay the price to keep it up. So I would go to darts or bridge, then go down to the bar, which gave just enough time to have two drinks before I went home for the night. I didn't recognize it as controlled drinking until I came into recovery. What you have to control, is already out of control.

The same thing was true with my pills, if I had taken my quota for the day of all my pills and maybe sneaked one or two more on the side, I would add Gravol to the mix, which I called my candy, to make everything work faster. There always had to be that something extra. Like the two extra 222s that I took with the last drink every night so I wouldn't wake up with a hang over. I don't ever remember if it worked. Didn't have too many hangovers. But then, I went to bed late when I was doing the heavy drinking, got up late, and went to the Legion. How can a girl tell. When I lived with my Dad, it was always there.

Continued

Many people say the program didn't work for the program, but they were unwilling to work for the program. They were unwilling to be honest, open-minded, and willing to do what ever it took, to make the program work in their lives. They were unable to accept their disease or that of others, they were unwilling to work on themselves, always looking at the other person. I am lucky I found the doors of recovery, because I kept comparing myself to my dad and my ex-husband, didn't want to wear a label that I put on them. I compared instead of identifying and stayed sick.

Work the Steps, clean house, let go of the past, heal in today, and live in today and have hope for a better tomorrow.

As they say, we can plan, but don't plan the outcome. We can look at our past, but don't carry the burdens into today, leave them there, learn from them, and move on.

The Steps are the key. Someone asks me what Step I am on in today, it varies, but there are some days, that I need ALL 12.

May you have a good day, and an even better tomorrow. Life doesn't change we do. We are given the tools to handle life on life's terms, one day at a time.

Remember when I came into recovery, when I heard the words, we are not saints, I use to say to myself, "Speak for yourself." Not very spiritual, all about me, with no thought of others, or I looked down on someone who didn't think like I did and do what I KNEW to be right.

Thank God it is progress not perfection. All my life I was raised to believe if it wasn't perfect, it wasn't good enough, and neither was I for doing something less than. Not only the expectation put on me by others, but the ones I put on myself, were just not feasible and most times the goals were unreachable. I was a mistake, I was a less than, I was an excuse for a human being, and how could God love me when I didn't like me, and was so far from perfect. Angel and saint I will never be, yet there came a time in my recovery when I was told, "Oh, you are that Spiritual lady."

It is good to know that I can make a mistake and it doesn't mean I am one. I can do less than perfect, I can just try to be the best me I can be in today. Some days I fall short of what I think my God wants me to be in today, and that is why there are Steps 6 and 7, to follow Steps 4 and 5.

Practice the principles in all our affairs. Take my recovery out of the rooms and apply them to my home life and in the community.

Principles of the Twelve Steps
1. Honesty 2. Hope 3. Faith 4. Courage 5 . Integrity 6. Willingness 7. Humility 8. Brotherly 9. Self Discipline 10. Perseverance 11. Ever Presence of God 12. Service to Fellowman,

Principles of the Twelve Traditions
1. Unity2. Direction3. Recovery4. Understanding5. Sharing6. Simplicity7. Independence8. Selflessness9. Service10. Survival11. Self Reliance12. Humility
Principles of the Twelve Concepts
1. Responsibility 2. Reliance 3. Trust 4. Participation 5. Democracy 6. Accountability 7. Balance 8. Consistency 9. Vision 10. Clarity 11. Respect 12. Spirituality

It always amazes me how people with long time recovery don't even know what principles of the program are. It came to me a few years into my recovery that I had never heard anyone share on what they were to them and about applying them to their lives.. When I did ask, I mostly heard the same fairly basic things, but a lot of people had their own concept.
i.e. Surrender, honesty, acceptance, open-mindedness, willingness, courage, strength, love, forgiveness, integrity, and compassion to name just a few. I had a list that my sponsor and I compiled but I have seemed to have lost it.

I like the Al-Anon way of saying principles above personalities instead of the AA way of saying principles before personalities.

Principles of recovery are above any person, situation or occasion. God doesn't ask us to lower ourselves, He wants us to walk tall in our truth and share with others what we have learned.

Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find him now.

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.


Sometimes we forget how dangerous this disease really is, and it isn't just about the drinking and drugging, it is about the thinking that goes with it. It is a family disease, and when I stole my first glass of communion wine I was 10. I was to ever remember the feeling when it hit bottom and searched for that feeling. It is a progressive disease, and it kept taking more to reach it, and then it got to a stage where I found it, and couldn't stop there, I had to have more.

I can't forget it is a family disease. I only saw my father drunk twice growing up, once at 8 and another time at 14, until my mother passed away, and she was no longer there to say no to alcohol being in our home. He went out to get it, but we didn't see alcohol in our home. My sister and I were playing in the basement and we found a case of 12, covered in dust and cob webs and my sister said, "Oh look, this must be daddy's pop." We did not know. We didn't have a TV until I was 10 years old, so my informative years were very uninformed.

What I didn't know was that when I didn't have my drug of choice, I reached for other things: pills, men, food, work, etc. I didn't think I was lovable, unless I had someone in my life to tell me or show me that I was loved. Didn't think I could ever be alone, couldn't even stand to have quiet in the room with no TV or music.

Threw the Steps and my God, who showed me how to fill up with spiritual things, when I go within and build a relationship with my God, instead of looking outside of myself for some thing or some one to make me feel better.

I am responsible for my own happiness. No more playing the blame game. The program is about change, what I did in early recovery is the past, it is what I do in today that matters.

This picture will change daily.

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The program works if I work the Steps and I work for the program. If you don't do the do things, you can't expect it to work for you. It is a suggested program, steps that are suggested, and suggested that you do them in order, but if you don't follow the suggestions, there is a good chance you won't grow in recovery or stay clean and sober. Even if we don't use our drug of choice, we may find ourselves reaching for other things to fill up the voice, especially if we are not feeding ourselves with food for the body, mind, and spirit.

The Twelve Steps are applicable to all parts of my life.

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This was a good reminder of what it use to be like and what it is like now. I use to go into grocery stores, leave a buggy in the aisle with groceries in it or I would put everything back because I couldn't stand the crowds, or was filled with fear and couldn't handle the situation and would leave the store.

I would get off a bus and wait for the next one because the bus gut too crowded or someone was loud and making a lot of noise. Shouting was and still can be a real trigger for me.

I had a fear of bridges and walking over grates. The fears went away in recovery. I ended up walking over them and not even noticing or notice them and not get that frilly feeling in my tummy! Each time I went over them for the first time without fear was when I was helping others. I was taking a friend to a meeting and was on my way to talk to a sponsee who wanted to meet for coffee.

I have had thoughts of leaving a bus but haven't done it lately. I did use the noise on one a few weeks ago to help make the decision to get off the bus and go back to a store to check out something. I had the thought, discounted it, got on the bus, and went about 4 blocks, got off and walked back.

I can get chest pains, which I figure is either a panic attack or fibromyalgia, either way, when I sit, meditate, take deep breathes, they go away. My God is only a breathe away. It only takes minutes, sometimes second to connect with Him.

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This was written in 2011. I am grateful for the reminder and it is just what I need to read in today. I just started doing the deep breathing on Sunday to help with the pain in my kidneys, which is a result of taking my new medication. It is nice to not have pain, but sure don't like the side affects.

For many years, I was involved in service. At one time, I was so busy 'serving' others that I had no time for me. I was told that I was full of 'ego' and it was all about me. They were wrong, but that was there problem. I had no job, I was on disability, I needed a purpose and a reason for being, and service gave me that.

Even now and for the past six or so years, when I can't get out, I can do service on line. Someone asked me how could I be sober when I didn't go to meetings. They didn't believe me. They said that I could not do 12 Step work. There are many kinds of Step work and ways to carrying the message.

It is important for me to carry the message of recovery. The thing I need to be mindful of is that I have it to give. I need to be spiritually fit. I need to make sure that I feed my spirit as well as my body and mind.

Originally posted on another site in 2010

Coming on line is my way of service in today and I need this reminder to try to remember that no matter how bad I feel, I always feel better mentally and emotionally, if I come to the site, even if I am in pain or it causes pain sitting at the computer.

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When I came into recovery, I knew there was a God and I knew I wasn't insane. After a year in recovery, I didn't know who God was, and realized I was insane. Thus started my spiritual journey, because I was so baffled because I was soooooooo sure!

Insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Cunning, baffling and powerful! A disease the says I don't have it! I believed it! It was all everybody else's fault, problem, disease, there was nothing wrong with me. If only others would do what I told them, then everything would be just fine. We all know what fine means. F.I.N.E. Frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and enjoying it!

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How often do we believe that things will work out if we rely on a Higher Power while remaining calm and taking what ever steps are needed when a problem crops up?

Like this, so much easier said than done, but it does get better and I do find that calm within the chaos today. Other days, I am the chaos. When I find myself though, thanks to the program, I have the tools to apply to the situation and I can find that Serenity again. The biggest tool for me are the prayers and the slogans.

When I let go and let God, I never had it so good. It is even better when I let go, and don't take it back or put a condition on the outcome.

I can't, my God can, Just for today, I choose to let Him.

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My sponsor said, "Sobriety is soundness of mind." That means I have to work on my emotional sobriety daily. I no longer want to drink, for me, that was never an option. I have also found that prescription drugs were like dried-up alcohol and they had the same affect on me. Anything that is mood altering is a danger to my sobriety, I may stay sober, but I become a dry drunk without working the 12 Steps of Recovery.

I was lamenting not being able to cook with wines. I know that there will never be a part bottle of wine around and me not drink it. I can still tell myself that I am not an alcoholic and a product of my environment, a self-justification to use and a strong case of denial because I am in pain and want it to all go away. It would go away alright, so would I! Today I choose to live. I know that I can use stock or juice to cook with, so I have to turn the stinking thinking over to my God and apply the program.

Just because I like it. Peace perfect peace!

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From "Bill's Story:"

"Trembling, I stepped from the hospital a broken man.
Fear sobered me for a bit. Then came the insidious
insanity of that first drink, and ...I was off again.
Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I
would have to be shut up somewhere, or would
stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is
before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of
my last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what
I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. I was to
know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life
that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes."

c. 2001, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 8

So grateful for the founder of AA. The program worked for him and those who followed. It works for me in today.

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Daily Acceptance


"Too much of my life has been spent in dwelling upon the faults of others. This is a most subtle and perverse form of self-satisfaction, which permits us to remain comfortably unaware of our own defects. Too often we are heard to say, `If it weren't for him (or her), how happy I'd be!'"

<< << << >> >> >>

Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives.

Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy of defeatism, they can be sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built

1. LETTER, 1966

2. GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962

Accepting what is the moment, knowing it is subject to change. Until I can find the acceptance, I can't move on.
It was a real issue when I first came in about accepting my alcoholism. I knew I was an addict, my drug of choice had been more all my life. When I acknowledge that alcohol was part of that "more" and that I had used alcohol along with other substances, I could admit to my disease. It made it easier to accept when I said, "Dis-ease" not comfortable within my own skin and always looking for something outside of myself to make me feel better.

Another acceptance was the amount of damage I did to my body over the years. Acceptance of all the wasted years and space as the song goes. Not sure if my fibromyalgia is a result of the physical or mental abuse, a car accident I had at 17, or a combination. I was told that I had PTSD, but not by a doctor, but by a therapist in later years when I went for sexual assault counselling. Again the acceptance came from the recovery phrase, "I had to go through what I went through to get to where I am in today."

Even in today, fibromyalgia affects so many aspects of my life, I still have to find acceptance on a daily basis.

With my son in active addiction, I have to accept his choices, I don't have to like them. I am as powerless over his disease as I was over my own, prior to coming into recovery and surrendering to the program.

Through the program I learned to accept a Higher Power into my life. I was very angry at my God. I had to make an amend to Him and I had to go on a spiritual journey to find out who God was to me. I had to make God personal. I couldn't accept other people's God, because I felt if I did, I would stop looking for God, then where would I be. I had to find my own God and build a relationship with Him/Her.

There is a lot in my own life, like growing older, swollen feet, sores on my feet that don't want to heal because of my diabetes, my five types of arthritis, and lately, I have this feeling that I have bands around my ankles like prisoners wear. Maybe it means I am a prisoner of my own making or of my own mind.

the program is applicable to all areas of my life, and for that I am so grateful.

I had to go through what I went through to get to where I am in today.

Originally posted at Recovery Inn

My son is my A in today. I am also the daughter of an alcoholic and a food addict and I was married to an alcoholic.

My son started out with alcohol and pot, and as his disease has progressed over the years, it has lead him to crack/cocaine.

He says I don't understand. I am a recovering alcoholic and pill addict whose drug of choice was more. I can understand where he is coming from and because I didn't use the things he used, he feels that he is different and can't understand what he is going through. A drug is a drug.

My biggest gift was being able to set boundaries, learning to detach, and not God, which he doesn't believe in. I am not his God and I can't fix him, all I can do is pray for him and try to walk the road of recovery to the best of my ability.

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