We Do Recover
 

Posted on my site Soundness of Mind in 2005.

We do recover from that hopeless state of mind and body, and we grow and change, but it is a process. It is a one day at a time thing and some days, it can be a step back, or standing still.

I can put a cork in the jug, put down the drug (alcohol is a drug), and be a dry drunk, but if I want a better way of life, I can work the program and find sobriety (soundness of mind).

When we were using, we were in survival mode, didn't look at what we saw as petty things and things we thought were not worth our time or attention, including ourselves health wise, but so selfish and self-centered, it was all about me and what I could get and what I needed. We need to get our needs met, but then we need to give and share with others what happened to us, what it was like, and what it is in today.

No matter how many times I crashed and burned, it was always about the other guy.

My sponsor/spiritual adviser always told me to call my problems "challenges". Challenges you can overcome. Problems you can stay stuck in.

He told me this when I was two years sober and it still works in today.

Acceptance is the key. The challenge is there, talk to your sponsor, someone in your support group, your home group, and have a wee talk with the God of your understanding.

Help Me to Stay Sober

~Dear God,

Thank you for this day.
~~Help me to stay clean and sober, just for this day.
~~Help me to recognize your hand in all things. ~~Thank you for the blessings I understand and the ones I don't.
~~Thank you for the miracles I see and the ones I don't.
~~Thank you for your spirit who always abides in me. I ask that I may be with your spirit today.
~~Cleanse my mind of all darkness and fill it with love and light.
~~Let me be o.k. with this day no matter what it brings.
~~Thank you for everything that's in my life and everything that's not."

Peace and Blessings

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Looking Back
 

I was told to glance at the past, but not keep my gaze centered there too long or I will miss out on today. Unless something in today triggers something there I don't often look anymore except when it is necessary to look and recognize old behaviors and patterns that need to be change in today. When I am still acting out in what was, then I am still living back there instead of making the most of the gifts of sobriety.

Often when I share my story I say, I am not here to do a Step Four and Five, but I do need to qualify so you can identify with me. Mind you I have had people say that if they had drank like I did they would still be out there. That is okay. My bottom was more an emotional, spiritual and mental bottom than a physical one, and yet when I stayed sober, a lot of physical issues came up, because I had ignored them when I was using.. I need to remember that this disease is four-fold. Because I compared, and looked at my past and my journey to get here with others, I stayed sick yet it was fear of going back to where I came from that kept me here because I didn't want to go back to where I came from, even though I couldn't find acceptance of being an alcoholic.

If you are in the center of AA, you won't fall off the edge.

Directions to AA: Just go straight to hell and make a U-turn.

AA: Being a part of something is more important than being the center of attention.

AA is the only place whre you can walk into a room full of strangers and reminisce.
A.A. Romance......The odds are good......but the goods are odd.

AA: Look for a way in; not for a way out.

AA: We are not reformed drunks, but informed alcoholics.

AA has no fixed address--you can take it with you.

AA: We're here for a reason, not for the season.

AA Groups: An AA group will be judged by the worst behavior of its members.

AA Groups: When you clean up after your group, you leave the signature of AA behind you.

AA is a check-up from the neck up.

Before I came into AA I was dead, but I did not know enough to lie down.

AA is not a sentence, it is a reprieve.

A.A. is a self-help program but you can't do it by yourself.

AA won't keep you from going to hell nor is it a ticket to heaven but it will keep you sober long enough for you to make up your mind which way you want to go!

AA won't open the gates of heaven to let you in, but it will open the gates of hell to let you out.

In AA, there are no losers--just slow winners.

Alcoholic (as defined by self): A piece of crap the universe revolves around.

Alcoholic: Someone who refuses to give up a life of failure without a fight.

Alcoholic: A person who, when s/he goes to a wedding, wants to be the bride; when s/he goes to a funeral, wants to be the corpse.

Alcoholic: An alcoholic is someone who wants to be held while isolating.

Alcoholic: I may not be much, but I'm all I think about.

Alcoholic: If I could drink like a normal drinker, I'd drink all the time!

Alcoholic: If you drank enough to get to AA, you drank enough.

Alcohol: It provokes the desire but takes away the performance.

Only an alcoholic would believe that the solution to loneliness was isolation.

Alcoholics burn their bridges in front of them.

Alcohol: An alcoholic is someone who finds something that works and then stops doing it.

Alcohol: It's not what or how much you drank, it's what it did to you.

Alcohol: What you thought was the solution became the problem.

Alcoholic: Terminal uniqueness!

Alcoholic: They didn't make a glass big enough for me to have one drink.

Alcohol: You will be rich when you know you have enough.

Alcoholic drinking's three stages: impulsive ... compulsive ... repulsive.

Each and every alcoholic ---sober or not--- teaches us some valuable lessons about ourselves and recovery.

An alcoholic alone is slumming.

An alcoholic is not a guy who thinks he's had one too many.

He's usually the guy who thinks he's had one too few.

Every alcoholic's favorite brand: More!

If you think you are an alcoholic, chances are, you are.

Alcoholics heal from the outside in...but feel from the inside out.

The destiny of every alcoholic is to be locked up ... covered up ... or ... sobered up.

An alcoholic is a man with two feet firmly planted in mid-air.

You can carry the message, but not the alcoholic.

You're probably an alcoholic if: You think spilling beer is alcohol abuse.

Alcoholics are in a class by themselves. Everyone else has graduated.

Alcoholics are life-long loners who cannot stand to be alone.

Non-alcoholics change their behavior to meet their goals and alcoholics change their goals to meet their behavior.

Alcoholics aren't afraid to die. They're afraid to live.

Alcoholism: Alcohol went from being my best friend to my worst enemy.

Alcoholism: An alcoholic can be in the gutter, yet still look down on people.

Alcoholism: Guilt of yesterday, fear of tomorrow, shame of today.

Alcoholism: High bottoms have trap doors.

Alcoholism: If the cure works, chances are, you have the disease.

Alcoholism: If you drank long enough to get to an A.A. meeting, you drank long enough.

Alcoholism: Name it, Claim it, Tame it!!!

Alcoholism: Once you are a pickle, you can't be a cucumber. But once you are a pickle, you can be a newcomer.

Alcoholism is an equal opportunity destroyer.

Remember that alcoholism is .. incurable, progressive, and fatal.

Alcoholism: The three most dangerous words for an alcoholic -"I've been thinking"

Alcoholism: We are not bad people becoming good, but sick people becoming well.

Alcoholism: Your bottom just may be six feet under.

Alcoholism: Your disease progresses even when you are not drinking.

Alcoholism doesn't come in bottles; it comes in people.

Alcoholism is a self-diagnosed disease.

Some people think alcoholism is a two-fold disease -- more and right now.

Original source unknown

Have posted so many, don't know what's where! :13:

A friend of mine use to say to me, "...this is a program of suggestion! I use to say to him there are also some darn well betters, or you will go back out drinking; which he repeatedly did. The program works if I work the program. He was one of many I have heard say the program doesn't work for him. I always ask, "Did you work for the program?"

When I "clear the wreckage of my past that can still come up in today and work the Steps into my daily life and do service," I can find happiness in today.

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Recovery is a process, I can remember being told to suit up and show up for the day and the rest will follow.

Everyone mentioned "God" and this is a spiritual program and I thought I knew, after all hadn't I been raised in religion for twenty-two years, who are they to tell me, I am a leading authority don't you know?

It didn't stop me from being an addict who became addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs, and to try out any other substance that came my way.

What I came to believe in was the program. I saw that it was doing for other than I had been trying to do for eight years before I got here. I tried quitting my way, and it didn't work. I couldn't STAY QUIT, they had laughter in their eyes, their eyes shone with a radiance I hadn't seen for a long time.

I thought they were laughing at me, when in fact they were laughing with me, because they had been were I was, and had been able to move on and find a new life for themselves.

Step One - I came to recovery and I kept coming so I didn't have to come back. Meetings, meetings and more meetings, and when I got tired of meetings, I went to more meetings. I ended up going because I wanted to not because I had to. I had a big fear that if I missed a meeting, I would relapse. That was changed into a faith that if I go to a meeting, I don't have to pick up today.

Step Two - I came to believe it would work for me and help me to remove the insanity in my life and bring my life into balance. It says I could not would return me to sanity, it is only through work and an honest desire to keep coming and a willingness to change.

Step Three - I came to believe the program would work for me. It is a spiritual program open to everyone who is willing to believe it will work for them. For me, I didn't find God, the God of my own understanding, until I worked the steps and found myself. When I got here, I wasn't capable of knowing, I only remembered what I was told to believe and had no understanding of what I believed in me, most of all myself.

When I made the decision, I made the decision to work the rest of the steps into my life, and they in turn would prevent me from going back to where I came from, and that I would grow in Love and in the Fellowship of the Spirit.

In today, I have maintained my religious beliefs. What I found was that God was so much bigger than I had ever been able to comprehend. Everywhere I went, He was there. I no longer had to keep Him in Church, He was as He revealed Himself to me on a daily basis.

When I surrendered in Step One and said, "My way doesn't work, I was empowered to do what I needed to do, one day at a time, to stay clean, to grow, and as I grew in consciousness, I became aware of the Good Orderly Direction in my life.

I am powerless over people, place and things, but I am empowered to change myself.


Wrote this in 2004. Ten years later it is still true. I not only have to work for my sobriety, I have to live it.

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Some of these may be posted elsewhere on the site, I just lose track of what is where.

I stopped drinking almost 26 years ago (July 21, 1987). I drank so much I had no problem falling asleep.

Alcohol Side Effects: 4 Ways Drinking Messes With Your Sleep

Received with thanks from my friend Carey in Texas.


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Overcoming Fear and Healing Wounds

From Soul's Journey

We cannot escape childhood without being wounded. Every time we made demands of others and they refused us, we were diminished in our self-worth. Each time we asked for love and it was withheld, our self-value decreased. Whenever we attempted to prove ourselves and we failed, we lost some of our power.

As we repeated these experiences, patterns of inadequacy developed, and fears of various kinds took root in our subconscious. Then as we grew up and became more self-sufficient we worked hard at overcoming our diminished self-worth, our decreased self-value, and our loss of power. But we have not been totally successful. The reason is that underlying all our efforts are the fears buried in our subconscious. What is unknown within us usually controls us.

Typically, we do not want to face our fears. Why? Because we are afraid of them. We are afraid that they will pull us back into the experiences of failure we associate with them. So we try other strategies to succeed. We use a variety of defenses to suppress the unwanted feelings associated with previous failures and fear. And we try to consciously control our environment, people and relationships. We all have control issues!

None of this really works, but we live with it anyway. It gives us a false sense of security. But what a tremendous amount of energy we waste on avoiding, repressing, denying and ignoring what we need to face.

On the Soul Journey we learn about our fears, and how to face them. We connect with our old wounds and learn to heal them. We gain the courage we need to become more integrated and whole.

Throughout our entire life, from the moment we were born – and perhaps before – there is one fundamental desire we all have. We all want connection. We all want love – to be loved and to express love. To be loved makes us feel that we are okay as we are, that we have value and worth. And to share our love gives us the connection to our power, which is the ability to love and support others according to their needs.

Ignoring the healing of our wounds makes us unconsciously demand attention and caring from others. It makes us dependent on others in so many ways for our own sense of self.

Not facing our fears keeps us from making meaningful and loving connections with others. Fear says we are separate and we need to be defensive. It says that we cannot trust others and let them in. Fear blocks us from loving. Fear and love cannot occupy the same space. Fear is rooted in the personality, love within the soul.

The power to heal our wounds and face our fears is not found in the personality. It comes from our very essence, the soul within.


Exercises:

1. Make a list of your fears. Which ones are active in your life right now?

2. Review the last few weeks in your mind. What situations come to mind where you felt afraid or uneasy? What did you react to or resist? Behind each of these, what were you afraid of?

3. How will you deal with these fears when they surface in the future? Look for positive examples from other people on how they deal with their challenges.

(C) Reproductions Permitted: http://www.thesouljourney.com

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The program works when we work it. It is up to me to take the action. When I am given awareness and inner knowing, it is good but can only result in goodness if I take what I know and apply it to my life.

Know these things but when I get caught up in my pain, I often forget. Thank God for prayer and meditation.

Loved this when I read it. Today I do embrace change but often slow these days to follow the thought with action.

It gave me pause for thought when I read about how the world is ever moving and when I am standing still, life is passing me by.

We can see the change in the Seasons and marvel at God's handy work and forget that He also made us and we are under His care and no matter what we go through, He is there.

Change, is inevitable. I have to remember that I am not young any more and not put so many expectations on myself.

I have to do the do things and can't just sit back and wait for things to happen. I have to do my part. I know that when I stop, it is hard to get going again.

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My sponsor always said, "Don't call them problems, call them challenges. Challlenges we can over come. Problems we can stay stuck in.

There have been many over the years. There have been others that I have just had to accept that they are there and deal with them in the moment.

Quite of the problem is me. As the Al-Anon slogan says, "Let it begin with me." AA says get over it, get out of self and help someone else.

No matter what is happening in my life, in order to recovery, I had to stop pointing the finger at people, places and things, and point it at myself and look at what I did to get me to where I am in today. I heard, "I am where I am at in today as a result of decisions made."

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Thank you for sharing this. I was just talking to a fellow AA member yesterday on the bus. He is bi-polar and on meds too. It is not good when people in the rooms play doctor. I do know that many alcoholics and addicts are not always honest and have got put on medication for depression which is a big part of the grief process of early recovery. They are two separate things. I have known girls to be put on anti-depressants, gained weight then went back out on a crack diet to lose the weight.

People will be people, gossips and all. I always try to know my own truth and know what is good for me. I am open and honest with my doctor, my God and me. People have their opinions and they have a right to them but that doesn't mean they are right for me.

I have found that the 12 Steps and Traditions are applicable to all areas of my life.

How It Works
 

Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.


This is the part of How It Works I want to talk about today. So many people grasp onto this as an excuse for relapse. They don't even know the meaning of the word.

It means, knowing the truth, but doing it anyway, not caring. Sadly, it describes my son, more than anyone else I know. He was 25 when I came into treatment and he has been in treatment 5 times himself. He says to me, "Don't tell me Mom, I know." It is also a disease of perception. The only one to break through that is his God.

So many times we played games and tried to control our drinking. We changed brands, we mixed it with other things, like me who HATED beer, couldn't stand the smell or the taste, I added Coca-Cola too it and all it did was spoil the taste of my Cola, my first addiction.

I found this picture at Angelwinks today. When we something in a shape we recognize we don't like we say no, but if it had our drink of choice in there, how quickly we would change our tune.

When I broke with my husband, I knew I had to quit drinking because I couldn't afford to keep me in the style that I had become accustomed is what I said, but in reality, it was the fact that I just drank too much and didn't get enough to keep up my habit and didn't want to pay the price to keep it up. So I would go to darts or bridge, then go down to the bar, which gave just enough time to have two drinks before I went home for the night. I didn't recognize it as controlled drinking until I came into recovery. What you have to control, is already out of control.

The same thing was true with my pills, if I had taken my quota for the day of all my pills and maybe sneaked one or two more on the side, I would add Gravol to the mix, which I called my candy, to make everything work faster. There always had to be that something extra. Like the two extra 222s that I took with the last drink every night so I wouldn't wake up with a hang over. I don't ever remember if it worked. Didn't have too many hangovers. But then, I went to bed late when I was doing the heavy drinking, got up late, and went to the Legion. How can a girl tell. When I lived with my Dad, it was always there.

Continued

Many people say the program didn't work for the program, but they were unwilling to work for the program. They were unwilling to be honest, open-minded, and willing to do what ever it took, to make the program work in their lives. They were unable to accept their disease or that of others, they were unwilling to work on themselves, always looking at the other person. I am lucky I found the doors of recovery, because I kept comparing myself to my dad and my ex-husband, didn't want to wear a label that I put on them. I compared instead of identifying and stayed sick.

Work the Steps, clean house, let go of the past, heal in today, and live in today and have hope for a better tomorrow.

As they say, we can plan, but don't plan the outcome. We can look at our past, but don't carry the burdens into today, leave them there, learn from them, and move on.

The Steps are the key. Someone asks me what Step I am on in today, it varies, but there are some days, that I need ALL 12.

May you have a good day, and an even better tomorrow. Life doesn't change we do. We are given the tools to handle life on life's terms, one day at a time.

Remember when I came into recovery, when I heard the words, we are not saints, I use to say to myself, "Speak for yourself." Not very spiritual, all about me, with no thought of others, or I looked down on someone who didn't think like I did and do what I KNEW to be right.

Thank God it is progress not perfection. All my life I was raised to believe if it wasn't perfect, it wasn't good enough, and neither was I for doing something less than. Not only the expectation put on me by others, but the ones I put on myself, were just not feasible and most times the goals were unreachable. I was a mistake, I was a less than, I was an excuse for a human being, and how could God love me when I didn't like me, and was so far from perfect. Angel and saint I will never be, yet there came a time in my recovery when I was told, "Oh, you are that Spiritual lady."

It is good to know that I can make a mistake and it doesn't mean I am one. I can do less than perfect, I can just try to be the best me I can be in today. Some days I fall short of what I think my God wants me to be in today, and that is why there are Steps 6 and 7, to follow Steps 4 and 5.

Practice the principles in all our affairs. Take my recovery out of the rooms and apply them to my home life and in the community.

Principles of the Twelve Steps
1. Honesty 2. Hope 3. Faith 4. Courage 5 . Integrity 6. Willingness 7. Humility 8. Brotherly 9. Self Discipline 10. Perseverance 11. Ever Presence of God 12. Service to Fellowman,

Principles of the Twelve Traditions
1. Unity2. Direction3. Recovery4. Understanding5. Sharing6. Simplicity7. Independence8. Selflessness9. Service10. Survival11. Self Reliance12. Humility
Principles of the Twelve Concepts
1. Responsibility 2. Reliance 3. Trust 4. Participation 5. Democracy 6. Accountability 7. Balance 8. Consistency 9. Vision 10. Clarity 11. Respect 12. Spirituality

It always amazes me how people with long time recovery don't even know what principles of the program are. It came to me a few years into my recovery that I had never heard anyone share on what they were to them and about applying them to their lives.. When I did ask, I mostly heard the same fairly basic things, but a lot of people had their own concept.
i.e. Surrender, honesty, acceptance, open-mindedness, willingness, courage, strength, love, forgiveness, integrity, and compassion to name just a few. I had a list that my sponsor and I compiled but I have seemed to have lost it.

I like the Al-Anon way of saying principles above personalities instead of the AA way of saying principles before personalities.

Principles of recovery are above any person, situation or occasion. God doesn't ask us to lower ourselves, He wants us to walk tall in our truth and share with others what we have learned.

Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find him now.

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.


Sometimes we forget how dangerous this disease really is, and it isn't just about the drinking and drugging, it is about the thinking that goes with it. It is a family disease, and when I stole my first glass of communion wine I was 10. I was to ever remember the feeling when it hit bottom and searched for that feeling. It is a progressive disease, and it kept taking more to reach it, and then it got to a stage where I found it, and couldn't stop there, I had to have more.

I can't forget it is a family disease. I only saw my father drunk twice growing up, once at 8 and another time at 14, until my mother passed away, and she was no longer there to say no to alcohol being in our home. He went out to get it, but we didn't see alcohol in our home. My sister and I were playing in the basement and we found a case of 12, covered in dust and cob webs and my sister said, "Oh look, this must be daddy's pop." We did not know. We didn't have a TV until I was 10 years old, so my informative years were very uninformed.

What I didn't know was that when I didn't have my drug of choice, I reached for other things: pills, men, food, work, etc. I didn't think I was lovable, unless I had someone in my life to tell me or show me that I was loved. Didn't think I could ever be alone, couldn't even stand to have quiet in the room with no TV or music.

Threw the Steps and my God, who showed me how to fill up with spiritual things, when I go within and build a relationship with my God, instead of looking outside of myself for some thing or some one to make me feel better.

I am responsible for my own happiness. No more playing the blame game. The program is about change, what I did in early recovery is the past, it is what I do in today that matters.

This picture will change daily.

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The program works if I work the Steps and I work for the program. If you don't do the do things, you can't expect it to work for you. It is a suggested program, steps that are suggested, and suggested that you do them in order, but if you don't follow the suggestions, there is a good chance you won't grow in recovery or stay clean and sober. Even if we don't use our drug of choice, we may find ourselves reaching for other things to fill up the voice, especially if we are not feeding ourselves with food for the body, mind, and spirit.

The Twelve Steps are applicable to all parts of my life.

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This was a good reminder of what it use to be like and what it is like now. I use to go into grocery stores, leave a buggy in the aisle with groceries in it or I would put everything back because I couldn't stand the crowds, or was filled with fear and couldn't handle the situation and would leave the store.

I would get off a bus and wait for the next one because the bus gut too crowded or someone was loud and making a lot of noise. Shouting was and still can be a real trigger for me.

I had a fear of bridges and walking over grates. The fears went away in recovery. I ended up walking over them and not even noticing or notice them and not get that frilly feeling in my tummy! Each time I went over them for the first time without fear was when I was helping others. I was taking a friend to a meeting and was on my way to talk to a sponsee who wanted to meet for coffee.

I have had thoughts of leaving a bus but haven't done it lately. I did use the noise on one a few weeks ago to help make the decision to get off the bus and go back to a store to check out something. I had the thought, discounted it, got on the bus, and went about 4 blocks, got off and walked back.

I can get chest pains, which I figure is either a panic attack or fibromyalgia, either way, when I sit, meditate, take deep breathes, they go away. My God is only a breathe away. It only takes minutes, sometimes second to connect with Him.

=================

This was written in 2011. I am grateful for the reminder and it is just what I need to read in today. I just started doing the deep breathing on Sunday to help with the pain in my kidneys, which is a result of taking my new medication. It is nice to not have pain, but sure don't like the side affects.

For many years, I was involved in service. At one time, I was so busy 'serving' others that I had no time for me. I was told that I was full of 'ego' and it was all about me. They were wrong, but that was there problem. I had no job, I was on disability, I needed a purpose and a reason for being, and service gave me that.

Even now and for the past six or so years, when I can't get out, I can do service on line. Someone asked me how could I be sober when I didn't go to meetings. They didn't believe me. They said that I could not do 12 Step work. There are many kinds of Step work and ways to carrying the message.

It is important for me to carry the message of recovery. The thing I need to be mindful of is that I have it to give. I need to be spiritually fit. I need to make sure that I feed my spirit as well as my body and mind.

Originally posted on another site in 2010

Coming on line is my way of service in today and I need this reminder to try to remember that no matter how bad I feel, I always feel better mentally and emotionally, if I come to the site, even if I am in pain or it causes pain sitting at the computer.

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When I came into recovery, I knew there was a God and I knew I wasn't insane. After a year in recovery, I didn't know who God was, and realized I was insane. Thus started my spiritual journey, because I was so baffled because I was soooooooo sure!

Insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Cunning, baffling and powerful! A disease the says I don't have it! I believed it! It was all everybody else's fault, problem, disease, there was nothing wrong with me. If only others would do what I told them, then everything would be just fine. We all know what fine means. F.I.N.E. Frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and enjoying it!

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How often do we believe that things will work out if we rely on a Higher Power while remaining calm and taking what ever steps are needed when a problem crops up?

Like this, so much easier said than done, but it does get better and I do find that calm within the chaos today. Other days, I am the chaos. When I find myself though, thanks to the program, I have the tools to apply to the situation and I can find that Serenity again. The biggest tool for me are the prayers and the slogans.

When I let go and let God, I never had it so good. It is even better when I let go, and don't take it back or put a condition on the outcome.

I can't, my God can, Just for today, I choose to let Him.

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My sponsor said, "Sobriety is soundness of mind." That means I have to work on my emotional sobriety daily. I no longer want to drink, for me, that was never an option. I have also found that prescription drugs were like dried-up alcohol and they had the same affect on me. Anything that is mood altering is a danger to my sobriety, I may stay sober, but I become a dry drunk without working the 12 Steps of Recovery.

I was lamenting not being able to cook with wines. I know that there will never be a part bottle of wine around and me not drink it. I can still tell myself that I am not an alcoholic and a product of my environment, a self-justification to use and a strong case of denial because I am in pain and want it to all go away. It would go away alright, so would I! Today I choose to live. I know that I can use stock or juice to cook with, so I have to turn the stinking thinking over to my God and apply the program.

Just because I like it. Peace perfect peace!

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From "Bill's Story:"

"Trembling, I stepped from the hospital a broken man.
Fear sobered me for a bit. Then came the insidious
insanity of that first drink, and ...I was off again.
Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I
would have to be shut up somewhere, or would
stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is
before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of
my last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what
I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. I was to
know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life
that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes."

c. 2001, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 8

So grateful for the founder of AA. The program worked for him and those who followed. It works for me in today.

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Daily Acceptance


"Too much of my life has been spent in dwelling upon the faults of others. This is a most subtle and perverse form of self-satisfaction, which permits us to remain comfortably unaware of our own defects. Too often we are heard to say, `If it weren't for him (or her), how happy I'd be!'"

<< << << >> >> >>

Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives.

Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy of defeatism, they can be sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built

1. LETTER, 1966

2. GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962

Accepting what is the moment, knowing it is subject to change. Until I can find the acceptance, I can't move on.
It was a real issue when I first came in about accepting my alcoholism. I knew I was an addict, my drug of choice had been more all my life. When I acknowledge that alcohol was part of that "more" and that I had used alcohol along with other substances, I could admit to my disease. It made it easier to accept when I said, "Dis-ease" not comfortable within my own skin and always looking for something outside of myself to make me feel better.

Another acceptance was the amount of damage I did to my body over the years. Acceptance of all the wasted years and space as the song goes. Not sure if my fibromyalgia is a result of the physical or mental abuse, a car accident I had at 17, or a combination. I was told that I had PTSD, but not by a doctor, but by a therapist in later years when I went for sexual assault counselling. Again the acceptance came from the recovery phrase, "I had to go through what I went through to get to where I am in today."

Even in today, fibromyalgia affects so many aspects of my life, I still have to find acceptance on a daily basis.

With my son in active addiction, I have to accept his choices, I don't have to like them. I am as powerless over his disease as I was over my own, prior to coming into recovery and surrendering to the program.

Through the program I learned to accept a Higher Power into my life. I was very angry at my God. I had to make an amend to Him and I had to go on a spiritual journey to find out who God was to me. I had to make God personal. I couldn't accept other people's God, because I felt if I did, I would stop looking for God, then where would I be. I had to find my own God and build a relationship with Him/Her.

There is a lot in my own life, like growing older, swollen feet, sores on my feet that don't want to heal because of my diabetes, my five types of arthritis, and lately, I have this feeling that I have bands around my ankles like prisoners wear. Maybe it means I am a prisoner of my own making or of my own mind.

the program is applicable to all areas of my life, and for that I am so grateful.

I had to go through what I went through to get to where I am in today.

Originally posted at Recovery Inn

My son is my A in today. I am also the daughter of an alcoholic and a food addict and I was married to an alcoholic.

My son started out with alcohol and pot, and as his disease has progressed over the years, it has lead him to crack/cocaine.

He says I don't understand. I am a recovering alcoholic and pill addict whose drug of choice was more. I can understand where he is coming from and because I didn't use the things he used, he feels that he is different and can't understand what he is going through. A drug is a drug.

My biggest gift was being able to set boundaries, learning to detach, and not God, which he doesn't believe in. I am not his God and I can't fix him, all I can do is pray for him and try to walk the road of recovery to the best of my ability.

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I will keep your son in my prayers.

This goes along with the post that I made about Open Mind, Unmade Mind.

November 1, 2010. This day my new life began. When I went into treatment, I opened my mind and my heart and allowed new ideas to be grafted into my life. My "tree" started to grow back then and even 5 and 1/2 years later it continues to grow every day.

Thanks for sharing. Depression can be a real problem. We go through a grieving process not recognizing that alcohol was a depressant. When I drank it, it seemed to bring me up to where I am on a natural high in today. When I find myself going back there, I know that I am the only one that can get me out of there and only with the help of my God.

I have to be careful being around my son, because he goes into depression in the winter time, especially when he is not working. I can't take on his stuff. He has such a closed mind about change and it makes me sad. So grateful for this program that has allowed me to live and gives me the tools to deal with life, one day at a time.

Good thoughts. I know I will always be an alcoholic/addict. I know that I am recovered from that hopeless state of mind and body that was 'me' when I came into recovery, as long as I continue to work the program. I know that if I allow myself to slip and get away from daily maintenance of my program, I can find myself back there. When I do, I know it is back to basics for me.

How well I recover, is how diligently I work my program. If I allow myself to become complacent or think I am just "fine" now, I will find myself back in the old patterns and behaviors and find myself back in the old habits, which I know will lead me back to where I came from. For me, that isn't an option, for me to use is to die. It doesn't matter what substance I pick up, a drug is a drug and stands between me and my God and my spiritual defense against picking up that first one, whether it is a rye and coke or a chocolate brownie with ice cream. It is and has always been the thinking, and if I tell myself, one won't hurt, I know I am acting out in my dis-ease. When I am there, I allow my disease to inch into my life and we know, when you give someone or some thing an inch, they tend to want a mile.

Here I am, 14 years later, still living in the moment. Some days I have to check on my computer as to what day it is. How time does fly. I used for so long trying to make time disappear. I couldn't stand to be alone with myself. I didn't know how to fill up a day, and now there are not enough hours in a day.

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Fell short on this one today, one of the reasons I couldn't sleep.

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Give the gift of hope to someone. Share what worked for you.

Sometimes when my son comes by I can tell he has been using or I know he is coming down from what ever substance he has been on. When he was drinking, I could smell it. When he was drinking he staggered and had trouble walking (just like my ex-husband). When I drank I could walk that straight line and was a functioning alcoholic. I never saw myself as a 'drunk,' and many people told me they had never seen me drunk and questioned that I was an alcoholic.

I find it scarey not knowing although he has admitted to using cocaine, I am not sure if it has progressed to crack although he has admitted to trying it and not liking it. There is so much out there, so much to experiment with, that I fear although I would be surprised if he started using anything with a needle. That is something he has been terrified of all his life. We all know that fear never stopped an addict from doing anything, so it could end up there.

He had three months clean and sober. He knows there is a better way. It is his choice. I see him flipping from channel to channel when he comes here and if there is any mention of drugs, addiction and getting help, he changes the channel. He just isn't ready.

The link refers to coffee and cigarettes. I gave up coffee because they went with the cigarettes. Yesterday for the first time I went to the mall after the chiropractors while waiting for the bus home and bought a black coffee and added sweetener (Stevia). I don't like the taste but drank it any way. I stopped drinking coffee completely when I learned I was diabetic because I liked double sugar. The same old adage, some is good, more is better. It was a loving relationship that I had with coffee (2-3 pots a day) and coffee (1-2 packs a day). As my friend says, "I only have 3 cigarettes a day, but heaven help you if you take those away."

I did not want to quit smoking. I liked smoking. I couldn't really afford to smoke, but I found the money for it. I preferred smoking to healthy eating. When I was hungry, I had a cigarette. That is what showed me the insanity of the disease. Now I use the money to buy and treat myself to peameal bacon, butter, asparagas, pineapple, steak, mushrooms, etc. all things too pricey for my budget.

I was told to quit for health reasons. The fear never stopped me. I was 7 years sober before I made the decision to quit. It was a spiritual reason that allowed me to make the decision. I came to a decision that I wanted to be a clear and clean channel when sharing my story with others and I didn't think I was totally able to do that as long as I used cigarettes to shut down my feelings. When I quit smoking, a lot of anger I didn't realize that I was still hanging onto was there. Under the anger was fear, rejection, abandonment and sexual assault issues that hadn't healed. I was made aware of the fact that my disease had to be healed mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well as the physical.

There are days I desperately want a cigarette. Today was one of those days. If I pick up a cigarette, it would kill faster than a drink. Being asthmatic doesn't help, neither does the circulation problems with the diabetes, not to mention the wear and tear on my longs from smoking from the age of 17 to 56, so I had to come to a place of acceptance and surrender. Believe me, I went kicking and screaming all the way.

I tried Zyban but I found using it difficult. I took a pill and found myself waiting for the result. An old habit and feeling or what? Where is my quick fix? I took the pill, why do I still want a cigarette? Like everything else, I wanted it now if not sooner. It was the thinking behind the drug that was the problem. I tried Nicorette too and all they did was make the cigarettes taste terrible. They were okay for short term abstinance but not long term. I used it when I travelled for 2 hours with my aunt, my sister and her husband to an uncle's funeral.

If I could smoke safely today, I would smoke. I liked what it did for me.

When your doctor prescribes and you don't abuse it by taking too many, none at all, or not the hours your are suppose to, are you using? My doctor was my supplier for years and in today, I am very hesitant about taking anything and yet if I don't I have trouble living with the chronic pain of my arthritis. I have to watch the thinking behind it. i.e. Oh a pill would go down good now! If I take a pill, I can go to bed and that is back using my bed and a drug as an escape. When I had the problems with migraines for the first 7 years of recovery, many people figured I shouldn't have claimed being sober. I didn't want the medication. I took it to maintain my sanity. I thought I was going to go completely insane with the pain.

Having just come off two medications that my doctor prescribed, this struck home with me. Today, I also told him that the medication was too strong and that my pharmacist suggested that I only take 1/2 pill at bedtime. It is really important for me to have a good relationship with them both. The pharmacist is the person who knows all the inter-action and the side affections of the medication and how they all interact, and that includes my vitamins, inhalers, and creams like Voltaren.

Why take a narcotic for the neuropathy in my feet when it doesn't help take away the pain. This was reinforced tonight. I couldn't sleep and because I had a head ache and my feet hurt so much that I couldn't sleep, I decided to take a Tyenol 3 (prescribed by my doctor for my chronic pain and can take every 8 hours, but I refuse to use them that often), and half an hour later, I am kicking myself, even though the head ache has eased, the pain in my feet is still there. I ended up doing a meditation with my Runes (got the breakthrough and Spiritual Warrior card), did accupressure on my feet, asked for what I needed, ended up I came on line, and the pain has gone away, and then I could go to sleep.

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