The Maze
The Maze
Here I sit almost crazed, thinking life such a maze. Wondering and thinking almost speaking aloud. Sometimes even getting completely profound. Wondering and thinking about which way to turn, When all I truly want out of life is to love, be loved and to learn. In a drug induced stupor I penned that short verse. At that point in my life, living felt like more like a curse The maze I referred to, my labyrinth of destruction At each turn encountering some oblivious obstruction Waking each morning in an overwhelming haze Thinking I alone could make my way through the maze Yet, never once considering where it was I was going Or, the harvest I would reap from the seeds I was sowing I ran wild through the pathways trying to escape from the pain All the while engulfed by an unfathomable shame I overdosed on the weekends, ran from the law Lied about where I went, what I did, who I saw And brick by brick I erected my walls With each and every dose, an attempt to block it all It didn't matter in what form the substance came Only that it helped to ease than unquenchable pain In the end seems nothing was real Hell, I didn't even know how to feel Love confused me, but how well I knew fear Anger seethed in cold hard tears Joy elusive, happiness lost Living equaled disappointment, all hope was tossed I hated myself, so I held my mask high I hid from everyone and wanted to die And, there was God, sitting amidst the stars keeping track through the years Just another source of pain, shame and fear In my heart I knew he couldn't wait to see me fall Wasn't this game, after all. Yes! Just for today, I know that it was he who brought me to my knees With the help of my children and their heartfelt pleas. I never imagined myself beyond those doors Of course, I never considered myself an addict before I was, I am, and, I will always be. Yet today rather than reach for drugs, I strive for recovery. Today, all my prayers have been answered, though maybe not as I planned. Still, I'm a little more comfortable being the person, the addict that I am Today, I'm not alone. I have true friends indeed Who reach out to others in times of need Giving of themselves with no thought of reward God sure placed some miracles beyond those doors Peace, love and light Cheri Received in email |
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