December 16

Practice of the Day-
BB pg 42-
Ch 3, More About Alcoholism:
“Then they outlined the spiritual answer and program of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully. Though I had been only a nominal churchman, their proposals were not, intellectually, hard to swallow. But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. It meant I would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window. That was not easy. But the moment I made up my mind to go through with the process, I had the curious feeling that my alcoholic condition was relieved, as in fact it proved to be.

-Tom- Early Sobriety, was the hardest thing I have ever done my entire life. Fortunately for me, I had sober men in my life that told me it would be extremely hard, but completely worth it.
Many people are under the misconception that getting sober and staying sober will be a bit difficult but not too hard. Soon, they find, that is not the case.
I have never really done anything half ass in my life, for long. Sobriety would be no different. I would choose to either be “in” or “out”, commit fully or continue down the path that got me to my bottom.
I committed myself to doing what my sponsor said and all 12 steps of AA, with the intent of proving to y’all that this program would not work for a person as damaged and broken as me.
With that intent, I got sober.
I pray that today I have the Strength to Commit to the Process of sobriety, fully.
With My Last Breath.

December 17

Practice of the Day-
BB pg 50-
Ch 4- We Agnostics:
In our personal stories you will find a wide variation in the way each teller approaches and conceives of the Power which is greater than himself. Wether we agree with a particular approach or conception seems to make little difference. Experience has taught us that these are matters about which, for our purpose, we need not be worried.
On one proposition, however, these men and women are strikingly agreed. Everyone of them has gained access to, and believes in, a Power greater than himself. This Power has in each case accomplished the miraculous, the humanly impossible. As a celebrated American statesman put it “let’s look at the record.”

-Tom- it was relieving to know that I did not have to solve my alcoholism. I just had to find My own Higher Power, and He solved the problem. All I had to do was the Step work and follow the directions of my Sponsor.
The Process of doing and practicing all 12 Steps, removes the parts of my self concept that no longer serve me or support the Life I am attempting to live today.
I pray that today I have the Willingness to do the work that is necessary to acquire a conscious contact with my Higher Power, and allow Him to solve my problem.

December 18

Practice of the Day-
BB pg 94-
Ch 7- Working With Others:
Outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him. It is important for him to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your own recovery. Actually he may be helping you more than you are helping him. Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own. Make it clear that he is not under any pressure, that he needn’t see you again if he doesn’t want to. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him. If your talk has been sane, quiet and full of human understanding,
you have perhaps made a friend. Maybe you have disturbed him about the question of alcoholism. This is all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better. He will be more likely to follow your suggestions.

-Tom- One of the first questions my sponsor asked was “Do you want to feel better or do better?” Before I could answer him he said “your answer better be, you want to do better. Because you have been trying to feel better your whole life and look where that has gotten you.”
Ultimately, doing better is the Path to feeling better, not the other way around.
I can ask myself, am I really carrying the Message of AA to the new man, one on one?
If your answer is yes, then Continue to give that which was freely given to you and reap the rewards of those actions.
If your answer is no, then start today by taking the time and talking to a newcomer after the meeting.
I pray that today I remember what my sponsor said to me when I asked him
“ how could I ever repay you for all you have done for me?” He said,
“Give what I gave to you, to the next man in need”

December 19

Practice of the Day-
BB pg-62-
Ch-5- How It Works:
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.

-Tom- I can relate to the Truth of those paragraphs, completely.
However, at the beginning I had to have my sponsor point it out for me because of that one line “though he usually doesn’t think so.”
We talked about it, wrote about and talked about it some more. When I finally realized how selfish and self-centered I truly was, especially when I was pretending to be generous just to get what I wanted, it was very overwhelming and hurt a lot.
My sponsor said “all of that is too big for us to deal with, that is why we go to our Higher Power with it all and just keep moving through the Steps.”
If my problem is with other people, places and things, I’m pretty screwed.
If my problem is me, then that’s something we can work on.
I pray that today I remember to keep my finger pointed at my problem, which is me, and then get to work on the Solution.

December 20

Practice of the Day
BB pg 133-
Ch-9- The Family Afterwards:
Now about health: A body badly burned by alcohol does not often recover overnight nor do twisted thinking and depression vanish in a twinkling. We are convinced that a spiritual mode of living is a most powerful health restorative. We, who have recovered from serious drinking, are miracles of mental health. But we have seen remarkable transformations in our bodies. Hardly one of our crowd now shows any mark of dissipation.
But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies. Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward.

-Tom- if I spent 10 years wandering deeper and deeper into a swamp by myself then it will take me 10 years to walk out of the swamp once I decide to turn around.
That’s just plain logic.
So what would assist me in getting out of the swamp faster?
Wishing to be out, no, really really wanting to be out, no.
Meeting someone that can take some of the items in my pack to lighten my load so I can move faster, yes.
Finding a guide that knows a faster and direct route, yes.
Acquiring tools like a compass, map or gps that will keep me on course and not waste time wandering, yes. Having a helicopter come pick me up that was searching for me, yes.
That is what a Sponsor, Steps, Higher Power, Fellowship, clinical and medical professionals do for me, if I choose to use them.
I can get well as fast as I want to, as long as I am using the tools, doing the Work and using assistance that is available to me.
Or I can choose to wander, alone, in the swamp.
I pray that today I stay close to my Higher Power so that I choose wisely.

December 21

Practice of the Day-
BB pg-30-
Ch-3- More About Alcoholism:
MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

-Tom- There were a couple of words that I needed to look up the actual definition for;
Delusion- psychotic and unshakable belief in something that is not true.
Concede- admit something is valid or true after first denying or resisting it.
I had the delusion that I could control and enjoy my drinking like non alcoholic people do. My life experiences proved that wasn’t true, for me, where it pertains to drinking.
Not every time I drank did I do terrible things, but every time I did terrible things I was had been drinking.
I had to concede to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic which meant that I had a mental obsession, a physical allergy and I was capable of doing anything once alcohol was in my body.
My life experiences proved those facts were true for me.
I pray that today I have the Courage to embrace the Facts about my Life. What is working and what is not, and Stay in the Solution that is AA.

December 22

Practice of the Day-
BB pg 16-
Ch 1, Bills Story:
An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature. Our struggles with them are variously strenuous, comic, and tragic. One poor chap committed suicide in my home. He could not or would not see our way of life.
There is, however, a vast amount of fun about it all. I suppose some would be shocked at our seeming worldliness and levity. But just underneath there is deadly earnestness. Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish.
Most of us feel we need look no further for Utopia. We have it with us right here and now. Each day my friend’s simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself in a widening circle of peace on earth and good will to men.

-Tom- “an alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature”. For me, that is really churching it up. I was an absolute Monster. I brought to AA nothing but hate, anger, violence, aggressive attitude, rebellion and a bunch more not good stuff.
Y’all took me in and showed me the only thing could penetrate all those walls; human kindness and genuine unconditional Love.
Also, y’all did not accept unacceptable behavior. You didn’t kick me out or abandon me. You said,
”keep coming back”it was constant and baffling to me, and the only thing I did not have a defense against. It broke me.
You see all the acts we do in AA; sweeping floors, making coffee, giving people rides, listening to someone share, greeting people at the door, cleaning the bathroom at the meeting hall, sponsorship, helping people move, cutting people’s grass, late night talks, etc
All of these and much more, are,
Acts of Love.
In AA, we do Love. We don’t talk about it, think about it or preach about it,
We Do it.
I can ask myself “am I doing acts of Love with those who’s space I occupy?”
If your answer is yes, then Continue to do your acts of Love and enjoy the Happiness and contentment those acts bring.
If your answer is no, then write a Gratitude list and do something for someone without them knowing who did it, and see what that experience feels like.

December 23

Practice of the Day-
BB pg 132-133-
Ch-9- The Family Afterward:
Everybody knows that those in bad health, and those who seldom play, do not laugh much. So let
each family play together or separately, as much as their circumstances warrant. We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence.

-Tom- The one sentence that stands out the most to me is:
“We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free.”
Notice we are talking about what God wants us to “Be” not “do”.
Being Happy is an inside job. If my happiness is dependent on you, then I will only be happy when you want me to be. That is called Co-dependency.
Being Joyous is an inside job. I can choose to be joyous. The fact that I am alive and didn’t wake up with the obsession to drink today is a joyous occasion.
Being Free. I can choose to be Free today because I have the working tools of the 12 Steps, my Higher Power, Sponsor, Purpose and the Fellowship.
I pray that today I have the Willingness to continue to trudge the Road of Happy Destiny

December 24

Practice of the day-
BB pg 164
Ch-A Vision For You:
Still you may say: “But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book.” We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.*
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

-Tom- at certain times in my Path of Sobriety, they were very lonely and the fear of not being able to stay sober long term hovered in the corners of my mind. I held the words in these paragraphs close to my Heart and Continued to Trudge and chose blind faith that they were true. Through TIME ;
T- things
I- I
M- must
E- earn
I experienced that every word was true.
I have experienced great events for me and countless others, that brought me Joy. All I have to do is make sure my Relationship with My Higher Power is in order and follow Directions.
I can ask myself, “is my relationship Right between me and my Higher Power?”
If the answer is yes, then I Continue moving down my Path.
If the answer is no, or I don’t know, then I need to stop, write a Gratitude list, talk with my sponsor and get it right.
I pray that just for today, I keep it Simple and do The Deal.

December 25

Practice for the day-
BB pg 62-63,
Ch 5- How it Works:
(some of the 3rd step promises)
“This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.
When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter.
We were reborn.”

Tom- I can look at these promises and ask myself “are these occurring in my Life, right now?” If the answer is yes, then I Continue. If the answer is no, then I must stop and
re-position myself, do some work on me and my attitude, then Continue.
Salvation is Free, Sobriety is not- it must be worked for on a daily basis.
Today I pray for the Strength to Do my work in AA

December 26

Practice of the Day-
BB pg 21
Ch 2-There is a Solution:
Here is the fellow that has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr Jekyll and Mr Hide. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously
anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees........

-Tom- my sponsor would often stop and ask me if I could relate to the what we read. He said it was very important because if I could not relate to what we were reading and talking about, why would I continue?
Another reason why it is important for me to relate is because I suffer from
Terminal Uniqueness.
Terminal Uniqueness requires that I cannot relate to anyone and no one or nothing can relate to me. It sounds like this “you don’t know me, you don’t understand what I’ve been through, this will never work, you just don’t get it, I am different, my issues are different than yours, I’m just too damaged.......etc”
All my life, I had looked for the “differences”, and I found them.
Sobriety taught me to discard the differences and look for the “similarities”, and I found them.
Whatever I am “looking for”, I will find.
I pray that today I look for similarities and not just pick out the differences.

December 27

Practice of the Day-
BB pg 154-155-
Ch 11-A Vision For You
Of course he couldn’t drink, but why not sit hopefully at a side table, a bottle of ginger ale before him? After all, had he not been sober for six months now? Perhaps he could handle, say, three drinks—no more! Fear gripped him. He was on thin ice. Again it was that old, insidious, insanity—that first drink. With a shiver he turned away and walked down the lobby to the church directory. Music and gay chatter still floated to him from the bar.
But what about his responsibilities—his family and the men who would die because they would not know how to get well, ah—yes, those other alcoholics? There must be many such in this town. He would phone a clergyman. His sanity returned and he thanked God. Selecting a church at random from the directory, he stepped into a booth and lifted the receiver.

-Tom- Remember there was no AA in this part of the story. Bill searched the churches for drunks, then helped them. The one he found ended up being Dr Bob.
I remember wanting to stay sober so so bad, and then got drunk. So wanting to didn’t work.
I remember Needing to stay sober for an event, deadline, job or special family occasion, but got drunk. So Needing to stay sober didn’t work.
So wanting and needing to stay sober didn’t keep me sober.
What keeps me sober is DOING the things that sober alcoholics in AA do, no matter how I feel. It was a relief to me to know I didn’t have to feel like doing it or wanting to do it, I just had to do it and as a byproduct, I would stay sober.
Today I pray that I have the Courage to Trust in my God, clean my house and help others.

December 28

Practice of the Day-
BB pg 66-
Ch 5- How It Works:
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.

-Tom- my sponsor asked me “is it plain to you that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness?”
I said “what does futility mean? He said it means pointless or useless.
I said well my driving force for the majority of my success was based off of anger, rage, resentment and revenge. Those were things that worked for me and gave me purpose, Power and control.
He said “yes that was true and worked for you in the past, but is it working for you now?”
I said, no, I am just mad all the time, have to get drunk, and then hurt people that I Love, then have to get drunk again.
So he asked me the question again “is it plain to you that your life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness?”
Then I said “yes, it is plain to me, that is True.
But I don’t know what else to do or how to live any other way”
He said, “that’s ok. The reason we are reading this book and following the Directions is so that you will have a different way to Live, without drinking”
I can ask myself “ am I following the Directions in the BB and attempting to Live differently?”
If your answer is yes, then Continue walking down the Broad Highway.
If your answer is no, then understand that there is no mystery in why it won’t work. If we want something different, we have to do something different.

December 29

Practice of the Day-
BB pg 31-
Ch 3- More About Alcoholism:
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums-we could increase the list ad infinitum.

-Tom- My sponsor asked me if I had ever tried any of these methods? I said yes, most of them and some that were not on that particular list.
He asked me does your drinking cause problems for you in your life? I said yes, pretty much any major problems going on in my life are because of what happens when I drink?
He asked, then why don’t you just stop drinking?
I said at first I didn’t stop because I didn’t want to, now it’s because I can’t stop.
He said, that’s because alcohol is not your problem, it’s your only solution, so when you stop drinking you are stopping your solution and are only left with your problem.
Made logical sense to me.
Today I pray for the ability to seek the Solution for my problem, which is found in The Program and The Fellowship of A.A.

December 30

Practice of the Day-
BB pg xxii-
Ch- Foreword To The Third Edition:
(March 1976)
The basic principles of the A.A. Program, it appears, hold good for individuals with many different lifestyles, just as the program has brought recovery to those of many different nationalities. The Twelve Steps that summarize the program may be called Los Doce Pasos in one country, les Douze Etapes in another, but they trace exactly the same path to recovery that was blazed by the earliest members of Alcoholics Anonymous.
In spite of the great increase in the size and the span of this Fellowship, at its core it remains simple and personal. Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength and hope.

-Tom- all my life I wanted to be part of something Big, Powerful, Special, World changing, Purposeful and really made a difference in people’s lives. That is one of the reasons I loved the Military so much. Then the wreckage of my past and untreated alcoholism got in the way of that Desire.
Once I got sober and was living the 12 Steps, to the best of my ability, I found all of that in The Program and The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I chose that their primary purpose: to stay sober and help another alcoholic to achieve sobriety, was now also my purpose. With that in place, I knew where I was, where I was going and who I was going with. What a relief and super bad ass!
I have been to meetings and worked with alcoholics all over this planet: Mexico, Colombia, England, Ecuador, Germany, Iraq, Nicaragua, Australia and more. All my life I have looked for a place to fit in. Since I got sober I fit into many places but none of them compare to A.A.
Today I pray that I have the Strength to fulfill My primary purpose: to stay sober and help another alcoholic to achieve sobriety.