Life's Crazy Rules
 

Life's Crazy Rules
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.

* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Yeager's Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

Found a few more rules:

Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rules of life really are.

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages of any kind.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital
relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right".
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was: "Go! You might meet somebody!"
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her û believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself,
"Will this matter one year from now?"
How about one month?
One week?
One day?
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations!
You have another chance!
11. Living well really is the best revenge.
Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
12. Work is good, but it's not that important.
13. And finally, be really nice to your friends and family.
You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.