[MajestyJo]

Mirror, mirror on the walll who is the dummest of us all! Me! Me! Me!

I told my best friend who I went through recovery with that I didn't need a Fourth Step. She laughed! She then proceeded to take my inventory for me. With some further thought, by the time I got home from her place, I had several more items to add the list.

I too had trouble looking back what was done to me. I too was so hard done by. Had no thought about the fact that my choice often put me into the situations I got myself into. My own fears often kept me there.

Other times I was the victim of circumstances and other people's choices. I had to take a look at what was mine and what was not.

It seemed like I had to find the need to justify my existance for most of my life. I had to explain my reason for being. When you hear tapes like "Who asked you? What makes you think your opinion matters?" You tend to believe what you hear.

What I found was a lot of hipocrocey from the people who made the 'rules' in the first place. So many people didn't walk their talk.

In my own insanity because I could walk a straight line, could drive a car on my own side of the road, because people told me that they never saw me drunk, I believed that I wasn't. Yet how can you match your husband drink for drink while he is drinking beer and you are drinking rye and coke and be sober. Because he staggered and passed out and I walked a straight line and wanted more. He had a drinking problem, I had a thinking problem.

To be continued...