[bluidkiti]

October 19

Practice of the day-
BB pg 58
Ch- How It Works:

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened and what we are like now.
If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

-Tom- I wanted John H to be my sponsor, so I asked him to be. In turn, he asked me “are you willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcoholism” and “are you willing to do whatever I ask you to do?” He asked me that one evening and of course I immediately said yes because I was really whipped this time. He said, “no, I want you to think about this tonight and give me your answer in the morning, it’s a big decision.”

The 12 steps are a
“all in” deal. It’s the Only way it works, if you desire to stay sober in AA.

It’s just like the card game Texas hold’em: you can ante up, place a few bets, play a bit, but at some point you will have to go “all in”. If you don’t go “all in” you are out of the game.

Sobriety is the same way.

I can ask myself “am I trying to hold on to any of my old ideas?”

If the answer is yes, then work with your sponsor and follow the process of the steps, wherever you are in them. Letting go absolutely is a gift we get by living the steps 1-12.

If your answer is no, then Continue to Live Free from the bondage of self.

I pray that today I live a life of rigorous honesty and live in the present.



October 20

Practice of the day-
BB pg 6-
Ch 1- Bill’s Story:
The remorse, horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable. The courage to do battle was not there. My brain raced uncontrollably and there was a terrible sense of impending calamity. I hardly dared cross the street, lest I collapse and be run down by a early morning truck, for it was scarcely daylight. An all night place supplied me with a dozen glasses of ale. My writhing nerves were stilled at last. A morning paper told me the market had gone to hell again. Well, so had I. The market would recover, but I wouldn’t. That was a hard thought. Should I kill myself? No—not now. Then a mental fog settled down. Gin would fix that. So two bottles, and—oblivion.

-Tom- That is very similar to my story of my last few months of drinking to live and living to drink. Getting to oblivion was the goal, and I did, only problem is I couldn’t stay there and had to start the living Hell all over again, and again, and again, and again.
Early sobriety was the hardest thing I’ve ever done my entire life. They told me it was supposed to be hard, that was normal.
But my sponsor said He guaranteed I could do it if I just kept doing the basics everyday:
-Gratitude list
-Communication with my Higher Power
-Do my Step Work
-Go to a Meeting
-Talk with my Sponsor
My sobriety requires a daily commitment, and, if you are like me, I suspect yours does too. I am responsible for my own sobriety. Not my sponsor, family, friends, I am responsible to do the Work.
I pray that today I remember where I come from, so I don’t have to go back.