Quote:
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Communication
Part of owning our power is learning to communicate clearly, directly, and assertively. We don't have to beat around the bush in our conversations to control the reactions of others. Guilt-producing comments only produce guilt. We don't have to fix or take care of people with our words; we can't expect others to take care of us with words either. We can settle for being heard and accepted. And we can respectfully listen to what others have to say.
Hinting at what we need doesn't work. Others can't read our mind, and they're likely to resent our indirectness. The best way to take responsibility for what we want is to ask for it directly. And, we can insist on directness from others. If we need to say no to a particular request, we can. If someone is trying to control us through a conversation, we can refuse to participate.
Acknowledging feelings such as disappointment or anger directly, instead of making others guess at our feelings or having our feelings come out in other ways, is part of responsible communication. If we don't know what we want to say, we can say that too.
We can ask for information and use words to forge a closer connection, but we don't have to take people around the block with our conversations. We don't have to listen to, or participate in, nonsense. We can say what we want and stop when we're done.
Today, I will communicate clearly and directly in my conversations with others. I will strive to avoid manipulative, indirect, or guilt producing statements. I can be tactful and gentle whenever possible. And I can be assertive if necessary.
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Communication was not a gift of mine. I was raised on a big farm and the nearest neighbor was a mile away, and didn't have a lot of social skills growing up. I didn't have a 'best' friend until I was 17. There was always a fear of saying the wrong thing, fear they wouldn't like me if I said what I thought, so I generally said what I thought they wanted me to say.
Alcohol gave me false courage and I was Sports Officer in charge of 13 branches of the Legion and put on dart, bowling, euchre, and cribbage treatments and got up to speak to 100-200 people. Yet it wasn't up close and personal. I was afraid to let anyone in and I feared being vulnerable and open to rejection and abandonment, amongst a few other fears and phobias. I thank my God daily for the healing power of His Love.