R is for Rumours. Don't listen to them, don't feed into them, don't repeat them, go to the source and verify them.
Gossip almost drove me out of the rooms of recovery. Jealousy and envy were almost the death of me. I had to come to a decision to face it, ignore it, let it go. I let it go because I could make things right with my God, and He knew me and helped me to find myself.
Just because I was 50+ and looked 40+, was one of the guys, and was honest and open and shared accordingly, they trusted me. I wasn't looking for a relationship, the last thing on my mind, it took me seven years in recovery to take a risk and get into one.
My service sponsor said, after I had moved to a new apartment, "Did you put a mat beside your bed to muffle the sound of the men, jumping in and out of it." I was really hurt and called her on it. She said, "I was only kidding, it was just a joke." I said, "You had to think it in order to say it." I let her go as my sponsor, and yet later years, she called me (something she said she never did, and in the end, I was sponsoring her until her death. It was really sad that someone who have over 20 years sober could say something like that. I had five years of sobriety.
She said, "You are always surrounded by men." I said, "That is because I am not threatening, and they see me as a friend, someone who they can be with and be themselves. Can't see guys in their 20s and 30s, having romantic thoughts about someone who is 50-70 years of age.
She wasn't the only one. As they said in the Women's Group that I belonged to, "We are not in competition." I joined the Women's group because I didn't like women and had to learn to get along with them and accept them. I was angry at men and didn't have much use for them. I had to have a change in attitude. I use to say, "If I have to look down on a man, I LOOK DOWN ON A MAN." Recovery is a change of thinking and practicing the principles of the program. Principles before personalities, just glad that I didn't have to walk in their shoes.
Sorry, this is so long, guess it needed to be said. It is generally my anger that needs to be dealt with.
p.s. Sorry if this is a rerun.
