That is what I am going through with my son, he wants no part of recovery programs, even if 'he' decides he doesn't want to use.
With my son, if I don't detach, there is too much game playing.
The butterfly has always been such a healing symbol for me. Like it goes through the different stages, so do I go through different stages of letting go, acceptance, and with detachment, there is generally grief work for me. The butterfly stands for transformation in Jamie Sams book Animal Medicine.