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April 14

Step by Step

Today, Step Four to identify destructive and good character components, although this alone is insufficient. I also need to understand the reason for them, especially the bad, so that the behavior will not trigger actions of my character defects. It is not enough to say I am sorry that I thought ill of my father and that I failed to respect him. I need to ask why I did not respect him. Was I so selfish that I blamed him when he didn’t get me the new car when I got my driver’s license, or was it because he beat me when he was drunk – which might have been a lot? Similarly, if I identify a positive character trait, why do I think it is good? Is it because I sincerely want to be good or is it because I expect something in return, a marker to be called in down the road? Today, if I take my Fourth, I will try to understand it is not enough to name and ask my higher power to take away my character defects and hold onto the good without first knowing the reasons for them. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

FEAR

F.E.A.R. = Frustration, Ego, Anxiety, and Resentment.

~ Anonymous ~

We don’t want to return to the life we led before recovery, but fear should never be the reason why we don’t. Fear keeps us from being open to the Program. If we’re only in the Program because we’re afraid of the old way of life, we’ll never pay attention and open our souls to learn about the new. We’ll be too busy looking back over our shoulders to make sure the old life isn’t creeping up on us.

We have to want the Program out of a desire for a new life, not out of a fear of the old. Positive thinking and behavior will be in charge if we are to make any character growth. Every fear encourages negative thinking that can destroy us. Guilt and shame come from the past, just like fear. If those feelings are what drive us, we will never grow.

I will make it a practice to take note of my fears. I will take an inventory of each fear until I understand what caused it. Then I will be able to find a way to work through them.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

God should be sought, but we cannot find God. We can only be found by God.

~ Henri Nouwen ~

In our spiritual development, we get to know the mysteries and paradoxes in our own lives that great thinkers have written about. True spiritual development is an ever-deepening lesson in powerlessness and letting go. We seek God, but our seeking is really only our preparation to receive God. We don’t make the willful decision to find God. We only decide to be open and to stop standing in the way of God’s purposes in our lives.

When a man falls asleep, sleep doesn’t come when he works at it. It comes only when, in his mind, he stops working at anything. He decides to go to bed and fall asleep but then he simply lies back and allows it to happen. If, in his mind, he is still busy working, he will not sleep. Something like that is true in all matters of letting go. We must learn how to stop getting in the way of spiritual influences in our lives, and our only power is to become entirely ready to receive them.

Today I will let go of my self-centered willfulness and be open to die greater powers at work.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

Letting go of old hurts makes room for new joys.

~ Sefra Kobrin Pitzele ~

Dwelling on the painful past gets tiresome eventually, but some of us hang on to it longer than others do. However, seeing women move from the bondage of the past to the freedom of living in the present gives us hope. Once we let go of the pain, we discover far more joy in even ordinary experiences. That’s the real surprise.

We have heard sponsors say that when old doors close, new doors open. Letting go of old hurts in order to appreciate new joys falls into the same category. Why not fill our voids with joys rather than recollections of pain?

None of us know how long a life we’ll be blessed with. Accepting how tentative life is helps us decide to seek more joy and less pain. The decision is only the first step, however. Taking control of how we think is the necessary action.

I will experience more joy if I give less thought to old hurts today. The decision is mine, and I can make it and remake it if necessary.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I am grateful for a good night’s rest

I had not been sleeping well for a while. Every night I would toss and turn. Then I’d wake up and try to fall back to sleep by watching TV or reading. It was hard to relax when I was so frustrated.

But I’m sleeping better now. I’ve made progress in therapy and got some good tips from my doctor—for example, get some exercise, take your meds at bedtime, avoid caffeine or cigarettes before bedtime.

Sometimes it still takes a while to fall asleep, and sometimes I still have troubling dreams. But usually I make it through the night without waking up. And for this I am deeply grateful. It sounds simple, but getting a good night’s sleep means a lot to me in my recovery.

I will than my higher power for my rest and carefully follow my doctor’s tips to improve my sleep.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

Life is a grindstone. But whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us.

~ L. Thomas Holdcroft ~

Self-destructive attitudes keep us stuck. Most of us develop destructive attitudes as children; as adults, we don’t know how to change. We repeat the same patterns over and over, each time feeling more out of control.

But now, in recovery, we’re learning to stop hurting ourselves. We’ve found people who’ve “been there” and can help us learn a new way to live. With our Higher Power’s help, we can turn over our fears and let go of old anger and depression. We’ve found a new beginning.

Making this change requires change in body, mind, and spirit. We’re beginning to take care of our physical needs, changing our mental attitude, and, with the help of our Higher Power, setting out for spiritual growth. We’re replacing self-destructive attitudes with new ones — one day at a time.

Today let me graciously ask for help to change my attitudes. Help me begin to believe in myself.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Living our pre-AA active daily lifestyle was akin to switching seats on the Titanic.

~ Anonymous ~

Instinctively, every living thing struggles to survive in a world that is not always pleasant and often falls short of being ideal. Even those who stood on the decks of the sinking Titanic, who knew in their heads and hearts that their deaths were imminent, clung desperately to any floating object in the hope that they would be rescued.

Recovery presents challenges that can seem over-whelming. You may ask, “How can I survive this?” You may feel, especially in the first few days, as if you are going to die. You may feel that you will fail. You may feel circumstances will never change for the better. But you have survived stressful and difficult times in the past. Although you used drugs or alcohol to numb traumas, past events taught you that you are physically, emotionally, and spiritually much stronger than you think.

Progress in recovery is not made by staying in the same circumstances and expecting them to change, but by changing yourself in order to change your circumstances. You are going someplace, and it may not always be easy to get there. But you have within you the strength to take you there.

The tools of the program give me the tools I need to be strong and to endure.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

When they are alone they want to be with others, and when they are with others they want to be alone. After all, human beings are like that.

~ Gertrude Stein ~

We may get discouraged with ourselves because our moods change from one minute to the next. We may make plans for some event we really want to attend, then come right down to the time we’re supposed to leave and not want to go. We may feel content with our job one day, then want to quit and go back to school the next. “What’s going on?” we ask ourselves in frustration.

Because we’re happy and content one minute doesn’t mean we’re going to feel the same way later. When we’re starting on our recovery, our mood swings will be very dramatic. We aren’t accustomed to expressing our feelings, so it’s only natural that they all want to be heard at once.

It’s okay to change our feelings or opinions about something. As time goes on, our mood swings will lessen. But tonight, we need to remember we are growing and experiencing in a way we never have before. Patience with ourselves and our conflicting feelings will help us accept where we are.

I need to remember it’s okay for me to feel.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Discovering beauty

When we were using drugs we had only artificial vision, artificial experiences. We did not care how beautiful life was around us; we cared only about getting high and staying high. Now, as we grow in awareness, we are like little children discovering the world all over again.

We find there is more excitement in each discovery we make than there ever was in any high. We find that this excitement is real and that it cannot be taken from us.

Am I rediscovering the world around me?

Higher Power, I pray to stay clean and sober so that I can be present and fully aware.

Today I will look for the beauty in

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

Showing up for life. Being blessed with the rebirth that recovery brings. One day at a time.

~ BETTY FORD ~

Newcomer

Chronologically, I’m a grown-up, but in some ways I’m far behind. It feels as if I’m growing up all over again.

Sponsor

Some people in the program say that our emotional devel-opment stopped at the point when we became active in our addictions: if we abused drugs beginning at age sixteen, then we’ve entered recovery with the emotional development of a sixteen-year-old.

That’s an oversimplification, but it points the way to a truth. Most of us enter recovery inexperienced at whatever aspects of our lives we avoided through addiction. We may feel awkward in social contexts; we may have missed out on education; we may not have found appropriate, fulfilling work. Some of us still have to learn the basics of self-care; others have numerous adult-world accomplishments, but no dependable sense of self-esteem. At times we may feel as if we’re part child, part adolescent, part mature person rolled into one.

We’re not stupid or shallow. We’re complex people, each with our own histories, strengths, and needs. We’re capable of profound change. Happily, we’re not alone in our struggles to mature and become integrated individuals.

Today, I have patience with myself as I learn more about who I am and how to live.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

In Step Eight we “made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”

It is a lot easier to list those persons whom we have harmed by some intentional and direct action than it is to list those whom we have hurt by acts of omission.

We have not only done those things which we ought not to have done, but we have left undone those things which we ought to have done.

Carelessness, neglect, lack of appreciation, and thoughtlessness can hurt as much as a kick in the teeth.

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~ WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG BOOK ~ (Official & Unofficial Sloganeering From the 12 Step Programs) ~

1) Serenity is God’s garden. The entrance is though our hearts.

2) We together can do what I alone cannot.

3) HOPE: Hearing Other Peoples’ Experiences

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Meeting Prayer No. 2

Our Heavenly Father, we ask Your blessings on this meeting.

Please bless the spirit and the purpose of this group.

Give us strength to follow this Program according to Your will and in all humility.

Forgive us for yesterday, and grant us courage for today and hope for tomorrow.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

CLAIM YOUR NOURISHMENT

I had an amusing experience when I first came to America. Passing an attractive-looking restaurant, I went inside, and selecting a table, sat down and waited. Nothing happened. I continued to wait. All around me, people were enjoying their food, and only I was left out. After a while the truth dawned on me—I was in a cafeteria. (This system had not yet made its appearance in England.) I then realized that while there was plenty of food to be obtained, one had to go forward and claim it for oneself, or go without.

The universe is run exactly on the lines of a cafeteria. Unless you claim—mentally—what you want, you may sit and wait forever.

Ho, everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat . . . (Isaiah 55:1)

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Perfect

Heaven is not a place, and it is not a time. Heaven is being perfect.

~ from Jonathan Livingston Seagull, by Richard Bach ~

I used to think I was a perfectionist,” Larry confessed. “I was constantly finding flaws and errors that other people overlooked. If there were many aspects of a job that were well done and one that wasn’t, I would point out that one. But now I realize I was an imperfectionist. If I was a perfectionist, I would have found perfection everywhere I looked; instead, I saw only imperfection.”

Whatever we focus on, we will find more of. The world we live in is the one we choose by virtue of the vision we use. Are you a perfectionist or an imperfectionist?

Jack and his wife Elaine were waiting in a lineup of cars on the Cross Bronx Expressway, sandwiched in an alternate merge at a construction zone. “This is hell!” Jack complained inwardly. “We’re creeping along at a snail’s pace.”

Then Elaine pointed out, “Isn’t this wonderful!”

“What’s so wonderful about this?” Jack asked.

“It’s really inspiring to see how people are cooperating here. One car goes ahead from this lane, and then one from the other lane. It shows me that people know how to work together when there is a challenge.” We can discover good in any situation if we choose it.

Help me find You in the events of daily life.

I am committed to beauty, and I find it everywhere I look.