[MajestyJo]

Thanks for sharing. I was in complete denial when a friend took me to an AA meeting. The thing was, like you when I wanted to stop, I couldn't stay stopped. I saw the peopole in the rooms laughing and enjoying life without alcohol and I wanted what they had.

They told me to find a home group, get a sponsor, and go to meetings. I took the body and eventually the mind followed. I learned to identify instead of compare. I didn't do what a lot of them did, but I had the same feelings and we all used for the same reason(s). I prayed and asked for help and the obsession was taken from me. I heard that if you don't deal with the issues that brought you to the doors of recovery, they will take you back out. I went to counselling off and on for a few years, but found that on the whole, what I needed was the rooms of recovery. Other people had been there, and by listening to other people share, I was able to find a way that worked for me.

Not everyone in the room had what I needed or been where I had been, but I was able to find what worked for me. The main thing was not picking up that first drink. It was a spiritual solution, and by helping others I was able to get out of Self, and find a God of my understanding. I had been brought up in a strict religious background and I was angry at God and the church. I had to come to a new understanding and find a God who was loving and cared for me. I believed in God, but didn't think He believed in me because of old tapes. God was an old tape, so I had to make a new tape and build a strong relationship with the God of my understanding. I was a year sober when I went on a spiritual quest. I figured if I stopped looking for God, some day I might not find Him or worse, not go looking. My God is as He reveals Himself/Herself to me in today. I always say that when I need tender loving care, my God is a She. Every where I looked my God was there. I used people, places, and things to make me feel better. In today, I don't look outside of myself for that comfort, I go within. In today, when I am aware and open minded and willing to look, I see that my God utilizes people, places, and things to show me a better way of living.

If I just leave the top on the bottle, it is not enough. I don't want to be just sober, I want sobriety. My sponsor says that is "Soundness of mind." I can't substitute other things (when I made the decision I needed to quit, I was 41. I stopped drinking and just used prescription pills and in the end, I was using both and I was 49. I feel like my God kept me alive because He had a purpose for me, it is a wonder I was alive.), because the drug of choice is but a symptom of my disease, the problem is me.

Hopefully, you will continue to come and share your journey with us.