The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
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Walking home one night, this guy hears a, "Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?"
Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor holding onto a restless and agitated pig. "What in the world are you planning to do with that?" he asks.
"I'm carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub."
"Why do you wanna do a crazy thing like that?"
"Well, you see, it's my wife. She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING! I tell her that the price of gas has shot up again...she says I know! I tell her there is more trouble in the East again...she says I know! I tell her Francis down the street is getting a divorce and she knows that, too.
Well, tomorrow morning, since she always gets up before me, I'll wait for her to come running to me screaming, 'THERE'S A PIG IN THE BATH! THERE'S A PIG IN BATH!'"
And I'll just turn to her and say, "Yeah, I know!"
