[MajestyJo]

Quote:
Takin time out to rejuvinate and put our thoughts in order is a good thing.

I personally found that when I went to a meeting, I always got my answer there. If I went there feeling down, I came away feeling better.

Even my son said to me when I was about five years sober, when I said, "I don't feel like going to a meeting tonight." He said, "Mom, that doesn't make sense. Don't you always feel better after going to a meeting. Why would you want to stay home when you know going there that you will feel better afterward." That from a guy who was in his own disease and has now just decided to get help for himself.

I was feeling bad earlier because I remembered that on Friday night I told a girl about the Monday morning Al-Anon meeting. I didn't wake up early enough to go there although I thought of it on Sunday and didn't set my alarm. That was me not being responsible. Wether she went there or not was not the issue. It was me being there in case she was. Just giving her my phone number and a meeting list was good, but I should have followed it through.

I made the decision while lying down with the heat today to try to get to the noon AA meeting tomorrow and the Al-Anon meetng on Wednesday. With the feelings I have been having, it is important for me not to get into self and although it is good to take care of me, I don't need to go into a pity party and the poor mes and the best way to do that is to go to a meeting.

Even if I don't open my mouth, the energy there and listening to others helps me. Mind you there is seldom a time I go to a meeting and keep my mouth shut!

I have seen people more addicted to exercising than meeting and service. It was one of the reasons my son relapsed last time he tried recovery. He was focusing on the outside instead of dealing with inside issues.

There was a time I did a lot of service, but I had to find balance and take my recovery outside of the rooms and remember it was a 24 hour a day program, not a 2 - 4 hour a day program. It wasn't about just going to meetings, it was about giving back to the community, to myself and my family. It was about applying the principles, the steps and the traditions to my life. It was about changing me, not trying to change the people around me.

I use to have anxiety issues prior to recovery. They all disappeared as I worked the Steps and it was a process, didn't happen over night. I no longer fear thunder storms, I can stand on my balcony and watch one. I no longer fear walking over bridges and grates. I don't have to leave buses or grocery stores becaise I am overwhelmed or there are too many people. I was about five years sober when two women who lived out of town, came up to me after hearing me speak and said, "I can't believe it when I walked in late and saw you up in front of the room speaking. If anyone had asked us when you came into recovery, we would have said that you would never be able to get up in front of a room full of people and share your story, which you did very well by the way. I will never forget those words. They showed me that the program worked. Each of those ladies came in when I did, they were in and out of the program for several years before they found recovery for themselves. I came and I stayed. The one woman spoke at my eleven year anniversary and she had seven years of sobriety.

It has been my experience that if I can't seem to do what I need to do, I pray for the willingness to be willing. It has also been my experience that those who don't go to meetings relapse. I may not have picked up physically, but I have hit emotional and spiritual bottoms and I am so very grateful that they didn't lead me to physically picking up. I have qualified for the label 'dry drunk' when my disability didn't allow me to get out to meetings. I found that for me to retain balance, I needed at least three meetings a week. If it wasn't for the internet, my one meetings a week just don't cut it. There are weeks when I don't get out and I am so grateful for the internet and this site especially, for helping me to maintain my sobriety (soundness of mind).

I can be sober but not have sobriety. It isn't a place I want to be. Acting out in my disease, just not drinking. Often substituting other things like my computer, food, work, shopping, etc. which takes me away from the spiritual aspect of recovery and I am totally into me with no thought of others. It becomes all about the almighty Me, Myself, and I and not about self-care but about what do I want instead of need and what's in it for me and what do I get out of it.

Spritiuality is a change in attitude. Recovery is a journey and not a destination. It is to live my life one day at a time, deal with the past as it makes itself known in today, and not project into the future. When I stay in today, I don't get overwhelmed with emotions, worry, resentments and anger. I can handle things a day at a time, but when I look at a much bigger picture, I get overwhelmed and end up paralyzed by fear. I don't know what to do, so I end up doing nothing.

Isolation is part of my disease not my recovery. Because of my disability, it is something I battle with daily. It not only isolates the body, it isolates the soul and the only way I can combat it is to make sure I get food for the body, mind and spirit. It is about taking my inventory and not looking at others. I am as powerless over my son's disease as I am over my own, yet when I surrender, do the do things that are suggested to me, have faith in my Higher Power, I am empowered to do what I need to do for myself. As the saying goes, "When I remember this, I never had it so good!"

More of my share, we all know I can talk a lot.