Quote:
November 14, 2014
Not just surviving
Page 332
"When we were using, our lives became an exercise in survival. Now we are doing much more living than surviving."
Basic Text p. 50
"I'd be better off dead!" A familiar refrain to a practicing addict, and with good reason. All we had to look forward to was more of the same miserable existence. Our hold on life was weak at best. Our emotional decay, our spiritual demise, and the crushing awareness that nothing would ever change were constants. We had little hope and no concept of the life we were missing out on.
The resurrection of our emotions, our spirits, and our physical health takes time. The more experience we gain in living, rather than merely existing, the more we understand how precious and delightful life can be. Traveling, playing with a small child, making love, expanding our intellectual horizons, and forming relationships are among the endless activities that say, "I'm alive:' We discover so much to cherish and feel grateful to have a second chance.
If we had died in active addiction, we would have been bitterly deprived of so many of life's joys. Each day we thank a Power greater than ourselves for another day clean and another day of life.
Just for Today: I am grateful to be alive. I will do something today to celebrate.
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Never thought of it as just surviving prior to recovering. I was told that my survivor side was my masculine side. When I did a meditation one day, I was told that my feminine side as languishing. I love that word, so descriptive, and yet wasn't too up on feminine things. The next thing I new a friend I knew a friend delivered three boxes of clothes that no longer fit her and inside were skirts and dresses, something I hadn't worn for years. I was raised to be a lady and I got to resent her when she came out. Again, as they said, I had to change my attitude in order to bring about my recovery.