[MajestyJo]

By now the newcomer has probably arrived at the following conclusions: that his character defects, representing instincts gone astray, have been the primary cause of his drinking and his failure at life; that unless he is now willing to work hard at the elimination of the worst of these defects, both sobriety and peace of mind will still elude him; that all the faulty foundation of his life will have to be torn out and built anew on bedrock. Now willing to commence the search for his own defects, he will ask, "Just how do I go about this? how do I take inventory of myself?" Since Step Four is but the beginning of a lifetime practice, it can be suggested that he first have a look at those personal flaws which are acutely troublesome and fairly obvious. Using his best judgment of what has been right and what has been wrong, he might make a rough survey of his conduct with respect to his primary instincts for sex, security, and society. Looking back over his life, he can readily get under way by consideration of questions such as these: When, and how, and in just what instances did my selfish pursuit of the sex relation damage other people and me? What people were hurt, and how badly? Did I spoil my marriage and injure my children? Did I jeopardize my standing in the community? Just how did I react to these situations at the time? Did I burn with a guilt that nothing could extinguish? Or did I insist that I was the pursued and not the pursuer, and thus absolve myself? How have I reacted to frustration in sexual matters? When denied, did I become vengeful or depressed? Did I take it out on other people? If there was rejection or coldness at home, did I use this as a reason for promiscuity?

AA 12 Steps & 12 Traditions

This affirms my own personal belief that this Steps is an on going thing. I have heard many say that you do it once and that is the end and you maintain your sobriety with Ten, Eleven, and Twelve. That did not work for me. As I peeled back the layers of the onion, and the truths came out that I had buried, I got more honest and I could look at my life from a different perspective. Things I thought were alright needed improving and things I thought were just fine, were more justified and righteous than positive attributes. I thought I was only hurting me or had been been the one who was hurt and needed some sympathy and while you are at it bring out the violins and make a symphony.

To the questions, like most things in the program. "Yes, to all of the above!" It was about me getting honest about me. Taking responsibility of my own actions and thoughts and how I often I played into the equation if not starting it in the first place. My tongue was a huge weapon. I could go up one side of a person and down the other, tearing off strips and tearing a person apart and then forget to put them back together again. Part of my indirect amends, has been try to atone for the damage I did. Looking at the motive and intent behind the thought and the action. Looking at the result of actions taken and seeing the chain of events that followed which caused a lot of chaos for all concerned. Often I put myself into situations to be hurt or I just couldn't leave things alone and just had to add to the fire. The best way for a resentment to grow is to feed it!

It is my firm believe that if you don't have guilt and remorse, there is a chance you are not an alcoholic. A long-timer shared with me one time that he thought that guilt took people out just as often, if not more than resentments did.

I like the format in the Big Book for looking at cause and effect.

To be continued...