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MajestyJo · 12-15-2013, 07:53 AM

This should be written out with a sponsor or a clergyman. This is a suggestion in the different fellowships at least the early ones.

This was started in February 2009 and I am half way through Step 12 at the moment. This was written with 18 years of recovery insight and was written from my own perspective as the sponsor at the time wouldn't go through it with me. I took time off from it when my health was bad, because I wanted to be a clear channel and not just righting my own words. I tried to be honest and write things from my perspective. Not everyone will identify with it. Some people will not be able to be so honest and open, a lot of things were left out as a result of propriety and anonymity because of the rapes and abuse.

I went to Sexual Assault therapy at 15 years sober because a new relationship triggered things that I had not been aware of in the past. He carried a great message to me.

A man who became a Roman Catholic priest in sobriety recentl celebrated 55 years of recovery. Could be a year more or less, but which ever way you look at it, it is impressive, at least to me. He was speaking at my boyfriend's one year anniversary, he had many times had sobriety, but this was his first year. He died sober with 4 years clean and sober and working in a recovery house. When I came in he stopped talking to the ladies he was with and said, "Just because I wear this collar on backwards, doesn't mean I can't look. During his talk, he shared something that really stuck with me. He said, "People, this is a ONE DAY AT A TIME PROGRAM." When you do your inventory, it is your inventory in today. I have written several, had many one one on one with counsellors, sponsors, and clergyman, and yet this one meant the most to me. It was between me and God. It has been posted on 3 other recovery sites. I has had negative and positive results, and that is okay. My first ones were done using the Big Book. This one was done with the 12 & 12. To my way of thinking, I would not be sober today if it wasn't for the 12 & 12. It is the common denominator between ALL fellowships.

The reason why I needed to do a Step Four, was to look at what was there and what needed to be change. Patterns and behavior which no longer stand me in good stead in recovery.

I was told that if something felt 'comfortable' it was long overdue for change. Continuing to grow in the fellowship of the spirit, to walk more connected and with confidence in who I am in today.

All my life I looked to others for validation and affirmation. I lived my life through others. I thought it was impossible unless I had that someone else in my life. Today I don't look to someone else to complete me. Today, I am complete and whole within myself and have freedom of choice as to who I choose and accept into my sacred space. It is about self respect and acceptance today. When I lack either one, then I am being less than I can be and for me, not working my program to the best of my ability. The empowerment is there. Am I tapping into the Source and using the energy that is available to me.

Love the slogan, "Let it begin with me!" It isn't about the OP in my life. It is about how I walk my talk and react to what is happening around me. Today I phoned a friend and asked him to pick me up for a NA meeting tonight. I found myself cussing the little things when doing laundry. An indicator that something is not right. I also found that my timing was off. Was thinking I had 20-30 minutes left only to find that my time had run out. I have a very good connection usually about what is happening and where I am at in a day, and that wasn't happening today. When I realized it was off, I sat in a chair in the laundry room and did a meditation.

Every time I picked up, I gave away a piece of me. There wasn't much me left to inventory, and it was more a building up and replacement job, than tearing down and throwing out. It was about filling the void, and recognizing the goodness that I hadn't destroyed, or regain the knowledge I once had and gave it up in the name of addiction.

I used the format in the Big Book, because anger, resentments, relationships, and financial issues were something that I needed to address. What really helped me were the Traditions, especially 3, 5, and 7. I heard a woman share at a speaker meeting that she had to learn to work and learn the Traditions, in order to live long enough to work the 12 Steps and apply them to her life.

I typed this out by hand, so please forgive any errors. Thanks for letting me share.

12-15-2013, 07:53 AM	#28
MajestyJo Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Hamilton, ON Posts: 25,085	This should be written out with a sponsor or a clergyman. This is a suggestion in the different fellowships at least the early ones. This was started in February 2009 and I am half way through Step 12 at the moment. This was written with 18 years of recovery insight and was written from my own perspective as the sponsor at the time wouldn't go through it with me. I took time off from it when my health was bad, because I wanted to be a clear channel and not just righting my own words. I tried to be honest and write things from my perspective. Not everyone will identify with it. Some people will not be able to be so honest and open, a lot of things were left out as a result of propriety and anonymity because of the rapes and abuse. I went to Sexual Assault therapy at 15 years sober because a new relationship triggered things that I had not been aware of in the past. He carried a great message to me. A man who became a Roman Catholic priest in sobriety recentl celebrated 55 years of recovery. Could be a year more or less, but which ever way you look at it, it is impressive, at least to me. He was speaking at my boyfriend's one year anniversary, he had many times had sobriety, but this was his first year. He died sober with 4 years clean and sober and working in a recovery house. When I came in he stopped talking to the ladies he was with and said, "Just because I wear this collar on backwards, doesn't mean I can't look. During his talk, he shared something that really stuck with me. He said, "People, this is a ONE DAY AT A TIME PROGRAM." When you do your inventory, it is your inventory in today. I have written several, had many one one on one with counsellors, sponsors, and clergyman, and yet this one meant the most to me. It was between me and God. It has been posted on 3 other recovery sites. I has had negative and positive results, and that is okay. My first ones were done using the Big Book. This one was done with the 12 & 12. To my way of thinking, I would not be sober today if it wasn't for the 12 & 12. It is the common denominator between ALL fellowships. The reason why I needed to do a Step Four, was to look at what was there and what needed to be change. Patterns and behavior which no longer stand me in good stead in recovery. I was told that if something felt 'comfortable' it was long overdue for change. Continuing to grow in the fellowship of the spirit, to walk more connected and with confidence in who I am in today. All my life I looked to others for validation and affirmation. I lived my life through others. I thought it was impossible unless I had that someone else in my life. Today I don't look to someone else to complete me. Today, I am complete and whole within myself and have freedom of choice as to who I choose and accept into my sacred space. It is about self respect and acceptance today. When I lack either one, then I am being less than I can be and for me, not working my program to the best of my ability. The empowerment is there. Am I tapping into the Source and using the energy that is available to me. Love the slogan, "Let it begin with me!" It isn't about the OP in my life. It is about how I walk my talk and react to what is happening around me. Today I phoned a friend and asked him to pick me up for a NA meeting tonight. I found myself cussing the little things when doing laundry. An indicator that something is not right. I also found that my timing was off. Was thinking I had 20-30 minutes left only to find that my time had run out. I have a very good connection usually about what is happening and where I am at in a day, and that wasn't happening today. When I realized it was off, I sat in a chair in the laundry room and did a meditation. Every time I picked up, I gave away a piece of me. There wasn't much me left to inventory, and it was more a building up and replacement job, than tearing down and throwing out. It was about filling the void, and recognizing the goodness that I hadn't destroyed, or regain the knowledge I once had and gave it up in the name of addiction. I used the format in the Big Book, because anger, resentments, relationships, and financial issues were something that I needed to address. What really helped me were the Traditions, especially 3, 5, and 7. I heard a woman share at a speaker meeting that she had to learn to work and learn the Traditions, in order to live long enough to work the 12 Steps and apply them to her life. I typed this out by hand, so please forgive any errors. Thanks for letting me share. __________________ Love always, Jo I share because I care.