[MajestyJo]

Went to a NA meeting. It was held in the rose garden at the back of the church. The topic was Step 4. I shared that I had done three Step 4s, I think I was about 6 years sober. These two guys looked at me in shock, and said 'together' "My God, you must be **** near perfect by now. I said, "Far from it."

It is just the fact that my body is detoxing and my mind is clearing and I remember more now. I was as honest as I was able to be, but self-honesty took a long time because so much of my life was buried so deeply. Events in my life blocked stuff that I had already stuffed and took a long time to resurface. As I grew in the program, my memory did too. I was able to see things in a much broader perspective. After all, this is a disease of perception.

From one of my sites.

I like this quote for today:

Alkiespeak - Book - Quote

Alcoholism is a disease which tells us we don't have it. - Anon.

Don't know about anyone else, but I sometimes forget that my disease is a walking, talking entity, not sure that is spelled right, but my disease is a living thing and always wanting to put it's two cents in and I have to recognize it as such, and not the voice of my HP. If you believe it is the devil, then he is an angel of a different colour. Is your angel black or white? Are you hearing good positive thoughts or are you repeating old news and focusing on your active addiction instead of your recovery. Don't look at what you did, focus on what you need to do in today.

Part of that is Steps 4 & 5, on things that are still there rooted in the past, and I need to cut the cord, and leave them there and make new tapes, habits, thoughts, etc. to play in today, so I can go onto a healthier way of life.

Then I must remember those 4 steps following, which allow me to completely let them go. Step 5 is not the end, it is part of the beginning.