[bluidkiti]

March 3

Wisdom for Today
When I would go to the bar and the bartender would ask me what I wanted, I would respond, “Top shelf!” When I talked with my dealer and He would ask what I wanted, I would say, “More!” These responses were really a sign of a much deeper problem. I always wanted more. I always wanted it all, the best and a little bit of everything. I wanted to have money. I wanted happiness. I wanted to be a good husband and father. I wanted the best job. I wanted to be important. I wanted, and I wanted.
When it came right down to the heart of it, I was just plain greedy. Greed was a huge motivator for me. I envied others who had more than I did. I hated those people who found success when I could not find it. I was jealous of my friends when they had something I did not have. I wanted it all. My addiction to alcohol and drugs took away most of what I did have. My self-worth was diminished to a pile of rubble, and I still wanted it all. Greed motivated me to do things that I am not proud of: stealing, manipulating, and using others for my gain. In recovery I admitted defeat and no longer was greedy for anything. I just wanted to live. In recovery I have experienced grace and received much. Everything I have is as a result of God doing for me what I could not do for myself. I regained my family, got out of debt, no longer worry about police officers coming to get me and have found satisfaction and gratitude. Does greed still motivate my thinking, actions and decision-making?
Meditations for the Heart
At the end of many of the Twelve Step meetings I attend, they close with a prayer from the Bible – the “Our Father.” This is a prayer that I had prayed many times as a child, yet had little understanding of. In my drunkenness and active addiction to drugs, I rebelled against God. In recovery I was left with no choice but to turn back to God as I understand Him. Calling my Higher Power, “Father” was something that bothered me a lot at first. Maybe it was because of my own shame, or because of the issues I had with my own father, or maybe it was just because I had been such a poor father myself; but I struggled with whole concept of calling my Higher Power, “Father.” I am not really sure of all the reasons. However, in recovery, as I got more and more honest with myself, it became easier to see how childish I had behaved in my addiction. I was a child who needed a father. I guess that is how I always behaved. My Higher Power is there for me and loves me like the Heavenly Father He is, and today I can love Him back like a child. Do I see that I really need a Spiritual Father?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You are indeed my Spiritual Father; and You reach out to me and care for me. Give me direction, and love me simply because I am Your child. Forgive me for all my childish behaviors. Help me this day to rid myself of greed and to seek instead to be of service. Teach me to know Your will for me.
Amen.