[bluidkiti]

March 12

Wisdom for Today
I can remember sitting in a dark room, holding a bottle, my mind spinning and thinking, "I must be crazy; only a crazy person would act the way I do." Even during times when my mind wasn't clouded with drugs or alcohol, I can remember wondering if I was just plain evil. I recall feeling as if I had no moral character whatsoever. I could not understand why I was so weak and could not say “No” to drugs or alcohol. Even when I wanted to say “No,” I could not. There had to be something terribly wrong with me. I had to be mentally ill or just a bad person or something.
Then I walked into the program and was given a new vision of whom I was. I was told that I had an illness. I was told that my drinking and drugging had a name, a name called “Addiction.” I listened to people share their history and knew that my experiences were very similar to what they were talking about. This was a tremendous discovery, to find out that I was not alone. Other people had been through the same thing I had been through. They had found a way to stop drinking and using. They had found a way to stop the insanity. They had found a new freedom. They found something that I wanted. Am I willing to go to any length to get what the program offers?
Meditations for the Heart
I recall very early in my recovery walking on the shore of a large lake wondering if I was going to make it. I remember screaming at God that night, wondering where He was. I recall being filled with anger and feeling like too much was being asked of me. I was so wrapped up in my own world that I didn't even notice the storm that was approaching behind me. Suddenly there was a bright flash of lightning and a crack of thunder. A moment later the skies opened up and a drenching rain came down, and the wind howled. I ran back to my vehicle and climbed inside. Then I drove to the clubhouse to go to a meeting. When I walked in someone looked at me and said, "I see you survived the storm." The program indeed helps us survive the storms of life if we build our recovery on a solid foundation. God is that rock for me. Obedience to His will is what has kept my recovery going even through the storms of life. Have I discovered that God still loves me and cares for me even when I am angry with Him?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Today I am grateful for all the people who have gone before me to show me the way. I am grateful for their stories and have learned much from them to help point me in the right direction. Sometimes I still get frustrated and even angry along this journey. Thank You for being my rock, a rock that remains solid even in my anger and wayward ways. Thank You for loving me always.
Amen.