Welcome, Icandothis. I think your problem is the "I", the selfish, self-centeredness of our disease. The program is a we program, I can't, the God of my understanding can, and He puts people, places, and things in my path to show me the way.
My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery, and I had to open up to new concepts and ideas if I wanted to live. I chose life. As they say, when we are using, we break our own anonymity. Don't be fearful of going back to meetings, if they don't welcome you, find a new meeting. We have all been there. It is finding what is right for us. It isn't want the group can do for us, it is what we can bring to the meeting. You have a story that someone else needs to hear. Continued blessing one day at a time. We do this one day at a time, just for today, I chose not to use.
