Welcome to the site 1hope. Some times, we just don't metabolize and handle alcohol like other people do. For no other reason that we do have a disease. An allergy and an obsessive compulsive disorder that says we not only want more but need it too.
It isn't about being bad or good and being able to stop or should be able to stop, it is about an honest desire, and willing to do what it takes to stop. For me it was the spiritual aspect of AA. Finding a God of my understanding, not the God of the religion I was brought up with, who I still do believe in, but finding a personal connection and strength to a power that would empower me to quit, one day at a time.
I found that in the rooms of AA. Because I also suffered from chronic pain and was addicted to tranquilizers and Tyenol 3s, I went to NA and I have an eating disorder too. I was in two abusive marriages and both my parents qualified for 12 Step programs, my father died because of his alcoholism and my mother died at the age of 40 because of obesity and a heart attack. I have a son in active addiction, so I go to Al-Anon. The 12 Steps helped me not only helped me to stop drinking, but helped me to stay stopped and helped me heal from some of the issues as to why I picked up that drink and drug in the first place.
I hope you will continue to come, check out the material posted here and check out our daily readings. A drug is a drug, no matter what it is called. It is but a symptom of our disease. My problem was always me.
