[MajestyJo]

Hope members will share their experience, strength and hope on this topic.

I am going through a lot of changes with the change of my medication. Haven't gotten to a place where I am truly accepting of the new. I was not accepting of the old and asked my doctor repeatedly to take me off of it. It took talking to my pharmacist who sent him a fax to say that I shouldn't be on it.

The new medication is working wonders on pain but doesn't eliminate all pain. In comparison to what it was, it seems like none until I get days like today that rains all day. I have been labelled with many things. They are just that labels and I don't allow them to constrict my daily life. I do inspite of them because they can be limiting. I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, polymyalgia (from rheumatoid family so I have been told), osteo arthritis. I have gout, and pseudo gout in my feet, knees, back, hands and shoulders. I have degnerative disk disorder. I have neuralgia in my face and neuropathy in my feet from the diabetes. I was told that I probably suffer from PTSD and AADD. I have suffered from chronic pain for years and it was why I used. The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. I could no longer use safely. There are some medications I have to take, but I dont misuse and abuse them. I take them under doctor's orders and I make sure my doctors, specialist, etc. are aware of the fact that I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. They say to get rid of the tremon disorder, all I would have to do was pick up a drink of liquor and it would be gone. That is not an option, so we are in need of an alternative.

I think the shaking in my hands is from the previous medication and not caused by the new. I will be trying patiently to wait to see the neurologist on November 2nd.

With the eye surgery pending, I have a lot of things to wait on. My eye appears to be getting worse if I use it too much. The monitor and the lights in my kitchen are really hard on it.

As soon as I find that I acceptance, things move forward and the change can come into being. It is a process and doesn't happen over night. The five As of change: Aware I have a challenge, admit to myself, to my God and a friend, the nature of my issue. My sponsor always said, "Problems you can stay stuck in, challenges you can overcome." Then you have to accept what is, you don't have to like it, you don't even have to do anything but accept it for what it is in the moment, knowing it is subject to change. It is what it is, and of myself, there is nothing I can do about it. Then I need to take action to bring about change which will give me a change of attitude concerning the issue. Or I have to change the attitude, so i can take action necessary to bring about change.

It is also part of the grieving process. When ever there is a change in our life, a loss of any kind, it doesn't have to be a death. It can be a change in routine, a health issues, a change of job or moving to a new residents, it can be a diet, a detour to work, a habit and a routine that no longer serves us.

Early recovery is about grief work that you need to go through with a sponsor. The loss of our drug of choice that use to be our best friend and became our greatest enemy. It was my support and way of coping until it took over my life, and I lost me in the process. I had the grieve the girl that was. I had to grieve the girl I became. I had to grieve what I could no longer have in my life to stay clean and sober. I had to make healthy choices and I needed to accept that I could get by without that old crutch, that old 'friend' and/or that old place that I use to frequent.

One day at a time, it does get better.