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How should a sponsor be chosen?

The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible, and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.'s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.

An old A.A. saying suggests, "Stick with the winners. " It's only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in every- day life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink - and should seem to be enjoying sobriety.

Should sponsor and newcomer is as much alike as possible?

Often, a newcomer feels most at ease with a sponsor of similar background and interests - another physician or another homemaker, an- other churchgoer or another agnostic, another Irish-American or another black. But many A.A. s say they were greatly helped by sponsors totally unlike themselves. Maybe that's because their attention was then focused on the most important things that any sponsor and newcomer have in common: alcoholism and recovery in A.A.

A.A. experience does suggest that it is best for men to sponsor men, women to sponsor women. This custom usually promotes quick understanding and reduces the Likelihood of emotional distractions that might take the new- comer's mind off the purpose of A.A.

What should a newcomer expect from a sponsor?

An A.A. sponsor does not provide any such services as those offered by a social worker, a doctor, a nurse, or a marriage counselor. A sponsor is simply a sober alcoholic who helps the newcomer solve one problem: how to stay sober.

And it is not professional training that enables a sponsor to give help - it is just personal experience and observation. A sponsor was once a newcomer, too, and has tried to use the A.A. program to deal with problems similar to those the newcomer is facing now.

Must the newcomer agree with everything the sponsor says?

If the sponsor's ideas sound strange or unclear, the newcomer had better speak up and ask questions. Theirs is supposed to be an easy, open relationship, in which both parties talk freely and honestly with each other.

The A.A. program is simple, but it didn't seem that way to many of us at first. Often, we learned by asking questions, at closed meetings or - most especially - in conversations with our sponsors.

What if the sponsor is unavailable when needed?

It is the whole A.A. program - not the individual's sponsor - that maintains the new- comer's sobriety. Sponsorship is just the best way we know of introducing a newcomer to that program.

So we have many recourses when we are unable to contact our sponsors. We can telephone other members; go to an A.A. meeting; phone or visit the nearest A.A. office or clubroom for sober alcoholics; read A.A. books or pamphlets or our magazine, the A.A. Grapevine, to find answers for almost any problem troubling us at the moment.

May a newcomer have more than one sponsor?

Of course. In fact, a good sponsor sees that the newcomer meets many other seasoned members as soon as possible. The newcomer with more than one sponsor share in a wide range of experience and hear a great variety of ways to use the A.A. program. In addition, here is a means of averting the crisis mentioned in the preceding question - it's unlikely that two or more sponsors would all be unavailable at the same time.

May a newcomer change sponsors?

Again, the answer is yes. We are always free to select another sponsor with whom we feel more comfortable, particularly if we believe this member will be more helpful to our growth in A.A.

If a newcomer has received a thorough course of treatment and indoctrination in an alcoholism program outside A.A., will a sponsor still he needed in A.A.? Is a special approach needed?

The alcoholism programs of government, industry, and other agencies are referring more and more alcoholics to A.A. These newcomers usually reach us in a physically dry condition, at a somewhat later stage in recovery than the shaking newcomer of the past. Detoxification is often weeks and even months in the past and the physical compulsion to drink is gone. But the mental obsession with alcohol may still be there and, as A.A. groups that have welcomed such newcomers generally believe, sponsorship is necessary as soon as possible to help overcome that obsession.

This newcomer may have learned many medical facts about the disease of alcoholism. But teaming about Alcoholism in an institutional setting is one thing, and functioning as a sober alcoholic in a drinking world is quite another, we find. The sponsor is ready to share experience in how to cope with this situation.

Learning about the A.A. program is not the same as living it. Chances are the newcomer has already learned some facts about alcoholism - but has had no experience in using A.A. as a continuing program of sobriety maintenance. Again the sponsor's personal experience can enable the newcomer to find guidance in applying A.A. principles to everyday life - just as any other newcomer does who arrives at A.A.'s doors for help.

Is it ever too late to get a sponsor?

No. An A.A. who has been in or - "around" - the Fellowship for many years often finds that getting a good sponsor, talking frankly, and listening can make the whole program open up as it never did before.

Sponsorship can be the answer for the person who has been able to achieve only interludes of sobriety. Perhaps such a member has been associating with people who stay on the fringes of A.A., attend meetings casually, but have not yet truly taken the First Step. This can nourish secret reservations about one's own alcoholism. Or the member may have drifted into the company of others who slip repeatedly. Obviously, it's impossible to learn from them what they haven't learned themselves. For such a person, a sponsor with a firm grounding of sobriety in A.A. can make all the difference.

Even if we have many dry years behind us, we can often benefit by asking an A.A. friend to be our sponsor. We may have been feeling discontentment or real emotional pain because we forgot that the A.A. program offers a whole new way of life, not just freedom from alcohol. With a sponsor's help, we can use the program to the full, change our attitudes and, in the process, come to enjoy our sobriety.

For the person wanting to be a sponsor

How does sponsorship help the sponsor?

Sponsorship strengthens the older member's sobriety. The act of sharing sobriety makes it easier for a member to live without alcohol. By helping others, alcoholics find that they help themselves.

Sponsorship also offers the satisfaction that comes from assuming responsibility for someone other than oneself. In a very real sense, it fills the need, felt by most human beings, to help others over rough spots.

Can any member be a sponsor?

There is no superior class or caste of sponsors in A.A. Any member can help the newcomer learn to cope with fife without resorting to alcohol in any form.

In most instances, A.A. custom does suggest one limitation, already noted above: If the group is large enough to allow a choice, sponsor and newcomer should be of the same sex. The reasons are the same from both viewpoints; we A.A. members, no matter how long we have been sober, remain thoroughly human, subject to emotions that might divert us from "our primary purpose."

When is a member ready for sponsorship responsibility?

The most successful sponsors are men and women who have been in A.A. long enough to have some understanding of the suggested recovery program outlined in the Twelve Steps. The member who has been sober for months or years is usually - but not always - able to work more effectively with newcomers than the member who has been on the program for only a few weeks. Thus, length of sobriety is a factor, but not the only factor, in successful sponsorship. Of equal importance are an individual's capacity for understanding and patience, willingness to devote time and effort to new members, and personal example as a representative of A.A. at work.

to be continued...