[MajestyJo]

If God has brought you to it, He will see you through it.

When we substitute other substances for drugs and alcohol it still leads to the same soul sickness. SIN for me means soul in need. All my life I was looking out there for something to make me feel better or help me to deal with life.

It is such a big reward of recovery to know that I have a Higher Power who is there for me at all times and that I don't have to pick up something else to get me through.

In Canada we have a slogan that says, "Utilize not Criticize." All my life I used people, places and things. My attitude was the world owed me a favor and a living.

Today my Higher Power shows me a new way of living. He talks to me through other people, He doesn't criticize me for my choices, He loves me for who I am and not who people would have me be. I lived my life through other people all of my life. It was never okay to be me.

Do you rember some of those one liners...

Who asked you, if I wanted your opinion I would asked for it, did you hear me speaking.

If you weren't so stupid...

If I had, .....

I am only going to have this one, then....

If you had a brain in your head it would get lonesome.

If you had a brain in your head you would eat it.

What makes you think you are right...

Who are you to know...

When I slip into old patterns, the longer I am in recovery I learn to recognize them faster. This is a program of reflection and so I learn who I am by being around other people, isolation is part of my disease.

I become God of my life, because I tell myself I am just fine, and who is going to argue with me.

I remember once when I made stew, and I was reaching for the third helping, and I paused and thought, "why are you doing this?" "You don't need this, you are not hungry, so why are you eating it?" I remember coming home from therapy and stopping by Tim Hortons to have the biggest, gooiest donut I could find because I wanted to stuff the emotions. I recognized what I was doing and ate it anyway. I am given freedom of choice.

When I quit smoking someone said, "JoAnne, if you quit smoking and gain 30 lbs, we will still love you." I said, "But I wouldn't love myself, I would leave all my self-esteem and self-worth." When I made the decision to quit smoking I went to meetings, I picked up key tags, used my support system, didn't substitute with other things, and used my spiritual program and LOST 3 LBS.

I am what I feed my body, mind and spirit!

I am the company I keep!

I am a product of my environment!

I am a child of God and He loves me!

Who am I not to love myself, who am I, God?

Written in 2004

So many times we wear mask. Sometimes we wear masks and don't recognize ourselves. We lie and believe it is the truth.