[MajestyJo]

Haven't felt very lovable lately, I go through a phase every time my body swells. Since I have been on the new medication, I have lost 17 lbs. and I think most of it is fluid. My clothes are baggy and my jeans fit so bad on Saturday, I wouldn't wear them.

Then I realized, here I go again, looking at the outside. I am sure Bert didn't care if the seat of my jeans were baggy!

I was feeling so good on Saturday that I even pulled out a pair of earrings to put on. Before, I wouldn't leave home without them, and in the last few years, I got to a stage where I just didn't care.
Written in 2011

What a difference a year makes, I went out and bought skinny jeans. If the feet are swollen, the skinny jeans are baggy. LOL!

I have the distinct honour of being the only woman that Bert has taken to his anniversary. I remember last year wondering whether I should dress up or wear jean, and he had on this bright tropical orange shirt that I didn't want to be seen with. I told myself it served me right for being so full of vanity and pride. Acceptance is the key.

This was written a year ago. I have more acceptance of myself, certainly more than when I came into recovery, it is night and day. It was often one step forward and two backward. Looking at the outside with expectations and feeling like I didn't measure up.

I know I am worthy of recovery. Then I got thinking, even 'this' is too big for my God. Miracles are miracles and then there is me, such a defeatist attitude wasn't going to get me anywhere, certainly growth in recovery. What a great day when the outside matched the inside (most days), and though I generally looked in the mirror for affirmation, I knew that I had to go within for the validation.