[MajestyJo]

"It's said that idle hands are the devil's workshop" -unknown

All addictions are obsessive compulsive orders. For me, that is what addition is. Not able to be alone with oneself, always looking for some person, place, and thing to take them out of themselves. Most people in recovery have very low self-esteem and feel like they have to prove their worth. They feel like they are less than, so they have to do in order to find worth in their own lives. Especially because of the old tape you quoted.

As Osho says, Devil is opposite of Lived. I know I never lived my life, I lived it through others. I was always busy doing for them, doing volunteer work and running away from home to find that illusive something that kept escaping me. I didn't know it was myself. Whether it was the job, volunteering in the community, or just going out with friends. I always wanted to belong, if I did for you, you will like me. If you could see how nice I was, and accept the person you see being busy and productive, you won't know that I am really hurting inside.

You really wouldn't like what I see in there. So I will paint a different picture that we can both look at and escape the reality or the false sense of self that I have about myself.

Recovery is about building a relationship with myself. Not only learning to love myself, but like me too. I need to learn to be my own best friend and give myself a break.

Not only a break, but a hug too!