Thanks for sharing Rick. From what I hear from your words, your body was reacting and wanting you to use more.
Detox is not a pleasant experience. It was one of the reasons that I never picked up after getting clean and sober, I never wanted to experience it again.
We have a disease, that tells us we don't have it and this time it will be different. It not only gets different, it gets worse.
My disease is an allergy of the body and an obsession of my mind, that takes over and leaves the true inner me behind.
They say we can't crave it unless we pick it up and ingest it in some form, it is generally mistaken for the total obsession of our mind that says we can't live without it. In my case it got better, the worse day in recovery is so much better than the days of my using, especially for the last 10 years.
We don't quit for ever, take your mind and stay in today. Don't look at the whole picture and start with the what if's and the would have, could have, should haves. It is one day's experiences, thoughts, actions, feelings, etc. As they day yesterday is old news, we can't change it. The future hasn't got here yet and tomorrow never comes. All we have is today, sometimes it is moment by moment. My sponsor always said for her it was 3 seconds.
