The thing I find the most rewarding about detachment, it doesn't mean I no longer love my addict, I do it because I do love him. He makes his choices. He is the one who told me, "You are looking at the disease not me Mom." I am reminded that it is the detachment from the disease not the person behind it. I don't enable. I set boundaries. Often, have to reset and re-affirm them.
Detachment for me is living my life and using the slogan, Live and Let Live. The key word is living my life and not living my life through the addict. Not putting my life on hold waiting for them to come to a decision to help themselves.
My detachment from him is not to allow him in my space when he is using. I refuse to take the abuse. I value myself today, and I refuse to subject myself to his game playing and manipulation. My phone calls are screened and I talk to him when it is good for me.
This is something I am trying to do in regards to my son. I have to detach from his actions and his words, because I know it is his disease speaking, and saying some not so nice things.
Had the thought from the past, "Use your words son!" Now I don't want to hear them.
