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MajestyJo · 12-15-2013, 07:27 AM

Demands made upon other people for too much attention, protection, and love can only invite domination or revulsion in the protectors themselves--two emotions quite as unhealthy as the demands which evoked them. When an individual's desire for prestige becomes uncontrollable, whether in the sewing circle or at the international conference table, other people suffer and often revolt. This collision of instincts can produce anything from a cold snub to a blazing revolution. In these ways we are set in conflict not only with ourselves, but with other people who have instincts, too.

Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Steps & 12 Traditions

This is like looking into the mirror and remembering when I first started out working. I was forever asking questions and wanting to know why. That wanting to know led me to every department in an office. They use to call me odd job Jo. If something had to be done they would bring it to me and I would do that job and mine, often working many hours. It wasn't until I came into recovery that I realized it was about looking for approval, wanting to belong, indispensable and felt like I could only be validated if I did good work.

A lot of my relationships I ended if I wasn't getting the attention I wanted and it was about me and what you could do to make me happy. Mind you, my family and friends said I spoiled my husbands by getting up and making their lunch and seeing them off in the morning while my husbands thought it was their due. I am not so sure it was my thoughts of pleasing them as them thinking it was my job as 'wife' to do whatever they asked and I had no concept of boundaries and self care.

Have always got involved and when I was involved in the Legion I was a member of the Ladies Auxiliary, on the Ways & Means Committee, was Sports Officer for two years, was a kitchen convener for two years and worked on banquets for ten, sold poppies and went on parade and hosted a Senior Citizen Nite.

A big part of it was wanting to belong. To be a part of the crowd and wanting to hang with the people with the power. Again it was a self-esteem issue. I hated darts. I thought it was the dumbest game in the world, next to shuffleboard. It was because I didn't want to sit at the table alone and my husband got up and had fun that I made the decision to learn. I ended up playing all the time. When I beat people they would say, well look at all the time you practice, if I practiced like you do I ....

I didn't like shuffleboard. I remember one dart tournament I was asked to make up a fourth. My hubby was playing and he sent a woman to ask me because he knew I didn't like playing. I told her I didn't like the game and didn't play well. It ended up I couldn't do anything wrong. Years later when ever she saw me she would say, 'Oh the lady who doesn't know how to play shuffleboard.' I had nine trophies for the years I played darts and only one bridge trophy. That one was my proudest moment. Received it for the very first time I played Swiss Teams at a tournament for players under 200 master points.

The competitive spirit always seemed to be there. I feel that it was more of looking for validation and acceptance although there was some vainglory there when I beat people who thought they were the best. I had one woman who would never play me sober. On several occasions I would team with a woman who had grade 3 education, was 5'3" tall and weighed close to 300 lbs. She had a heart of gold and she loved to play and most people wouldn't play with her. When we won, people resented the fact, mainly because she was my partner. She was as fluky and they come. She would go for a 20 and would hit a triple 12 or a triple 18, which is a lot more than 20. She had such a beautiful spirit. I would get the doubles and she would get the scores and we made a great team.

My husband quit playing snooker with me the day I beat him. He said I ruined his dart game by teaching me and he wasn't going to let me spoil his snooker game. Since I got sober, I don't go into the places to play these games. As my arthritis got worse, I could no longer play the games. The dart wouldn't stick in the board. I was devastated. It was a big grieving issue I went through in early recovery. I lost the ability to do something that I had loved for years.

Grief isn't just about losing my best friend alcohol, it was about the loss of people, places and things that went along with it.

To be continued....

12-15-2013, 07:27 AM	#11
MajestyJo Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Hamilton, ON Posts: 25,085	Demands made upon other people for too much attention, protection, and love can only invite domination or revulsion in the protectors themselves--two emotions quite as unhealthy as the demands which evoked them. When an individual's desire for prestige becomes uncontrollable, whether in the sewing circle or at the international conference table, other people suffer and often revolt. This collision of instincts can produce anything from a cold snub to a blazing revolution. In these ways we are set in conflict not only with ourselves, but with other people who have instincts, too. Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Steps & 12 Traditions This is like looking into the mirror and remembering when I first started out working. I was forever asking questions and wanting to know why. That wanting to know led me to every department in an office. They use to call me odd job Jo. If something had to be done they would bring it to me and I would do that job and mine, often working many hours. It wasn't until I came into recovery that I realized it was about looking for approval, wanting to belong, indispensable and felt like I could only be validated if I did good work. A lot of my relationships I ended if I wasn't getting the attention I wanted and it was about me and what you could do to make me happy. Mind you, my family and friends said I spoiled my husbands by getting up and making their lunch and seeing them off in the morning while my husbands thought it was their due. I am not so sure it was my thoughts of pleasing them as them thinking it was my job as 'wife' to do whatever they asked and I had no concept of boundaries and self care. Have always got involved and when I was involved in the Legion I was a member of the Ladies Auxiliary, on the Ways & Means Committee, was Sports Officer for two years, was a kitchen convener for two years and worked on banquets for ten, sold poppies and went on parade and hosted a Senior Citizen Nite. A big part of it was wanting to belong. To be a part of the crowd and wanting to hang with the people with the power. Again it was a self-esteem issue. I hated darts. I thought it was the dumbest game in the world, next to shuffleboard. It was because I didn't want to sit at the table alone and my husband got up and had fun that I made the decision to learn. I ended up playing all the time. When I beat people they would say, well look at all the time you practice, if I practiced like you do I .... I didn't like shuffleboard. I remember one dart tournament I was asked to make up a fourth. My hubby was playing and he sent a woman to ask me because he knew I didn't like playing. I told her I didn't like the game and didn't play well. It ended up I couldn't do anything wrong. Years later when ever she saw me she would say, 'Oh the lady who doesn't know how to play shuffleboard.' I had nine trophies for the years I played darts and only one bridge trophy. That one was my proudest moment. Received it for the very first time I played Swiss Teams at a tournament for players under 200 master points. The competitive spirit always seemed to be there. I feel that it was more of looking for validation and acceptance although there was some vainglory there when I beat people who thought they were the best. I had one woman who would never play me sober. On several occasions I would team with a woman who had grade 3 education, was 5'3" tall and weighed close to 300 lbs. She had a heart of gold and she loved to play and most people wouldn't play with her. When we won, people resented the fact, mainly because she was my partner. She was as fluky and they come. She would go for a 20 and would hit a triple 12 or a triple 18, which is a lot more than 20. She had such a beautiful spirit. I would get the doubles and she would get the scores and we made a great team. My husband quit playing snooker with me the day I beat him. He said I ruined his dart game by teaching me and he wasn't going to let me spoil his snooker game. Since I got sober, I don't go into the places to play these games. As my arthritis got worse, I could no longer play the games. The dart wouldn't stick in the board. I was devastated. It was a big grieving issue I went through in early recovery. I lost the ability to do something that I had loved for years. Grief isn't just about losing my best friend alcohol, it was about the loss of people, places and things that went along with it. To be continued.... __________________ Love always, Jo I share because I care.