[MajestyJo]

Never realized how much of my life was fear based. It was there in different ways, and lots of times was overcome by bravado and with an defensive attitude, not wanting others to know.

I would not be alive or clean and sober today if I allowed fear to run my life. I think the most difficult part is recognizing it for what it is when it comes creeping in. The biggest difference in today is that in today, I know that my God has my back.

I will never forget the night I did a meditation. It was late at night because I couldn't sleep. I moved from my chair after the meditation, stretched out on my easy boy chair and I felt the hand of my God, touch me from head to toe and I felt the peace flow into my body. When I got up, that fear of putting the wrong food forward was gone. I had been raped four times on my journey to the doors of recovery. It was like my body had been frozen from the waist down. I got what I called my zig to go with my zag.

At another time, a butterfly flew by my 11th floor balcony. I did a meditation and the pain and soreness in my upper body disappeared. Over the years, I would get this card that said, "You will receive a new ability." When it happened, a new awareness would come into my life. A new healing and a letting go of all the pain and hurt that was not only physical but mental, emotional and spiritual.

The biggest challenge is my short term memory because I sometimes misplace Him or forget to take Him with me on my travels and have to go back for Him.

As they say, fear and faith can't occupy the same space. I have heard a lot of people disagree with this. I know I have felt fear, and held on tight and not wanting to let go. The fear of the unknown is my biggest obstacle, I have always wanted to be 'in the know' and often hold onto the old because I don't know what is going to replace it.

In today I prefer "Face everything and recovery" to the old way of "Fear everything and run."

Wrote this in 2011. So glad this is one day at a time program. Found this on my site Soundness of Mind.