Quote:
Saturday, July 5, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Survivor Guilt
We begin recovering. We begin taking care of ourselves. Our recovery program starts to work in our life, and we begin to feel good about ourselves.
Then it hits. Guilt.
Whenever we begin to experience the fullness and joy of life, we may feel guilty about those we've left behind - those not recovering, those still in pain. This survivor guilt is a symptom of codependency.
We may think about the husband we've divorced who is still drinking. We may dwell on a child, grown or adult, still in pain. We may get a phone call from a non-recovering parent who relates his or her misery to us. And we feel pulled into their pain.
How can we feel so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and lead satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes, we can.
And yes, it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.
We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life. We may never know the answer. Some may catch up in their own time, but their recovery is not our business. The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.
We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.
Today, I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt. I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.
|
This was a biggy for me, in childhood and in recovery. I saw my brother killed and it was all my fault. I was 3 years old. I seemed to take the responsibility for everything that went wrong, real or imagined.
When I went into treatment, there were 11 women in the house, only 3 of us graduated, others left or were asked to leave. Three of us got a year sober and had been a big part of each other`s recovery in the beginning. The other two relapsed at 15 and 18 months and I was devastated. I wondered what I did and could I have done more.
I am powerless over other people`s choices. I can`t take it personally. I need to pray and ask for help for my own guilt, mostly self-inflicted, or a false sense of responsibility and pride.