Quote:
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Overspending and Underspending
I used to beat my husband to death with my credit card. It made me feel like I had some control, some way to get even with him.
—Anonymous
I spent ten years buying everything for myself at garage sales. I didn't even buy myself a new pair of shoes. The entire time I was depriving myself, my husband was gambling, speculating on risky business deals, and doing whatever he wanted with money. I learned that when I made a decision that I deserved to have the things I wanted, and made a decision to buy something I wanted, there was enough money to do it. It wasn't about being frugal; it was about depriving myself, and being a martyr.
—Anonymous
Compulsive buying or overspending may give us a temporary feeling of power or satisfaction, but like other out of control behaviors, it has predictable negative consequences.
Under spending can leave us feeling victimized too.
There is a difference between responsible spending and martyred deprivation. There is a difference between treating ourselves well financially and overspending. We can learn to discern that difference. We can develop responsible spending habits that reflect high self-esteem and love for ourselves.
Today, I will strive for balance in my spending habits. If I am overspending, I will stop and deal with what's going on inside me. If I am under spending or depriving myself, I will ask myself if that's necessary and what I want.
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A good topic, for so much of my life, I robbed Peter to pay Paul, making partial payments, especially if I want to buy something for me, instead of being responsible.
It took me a long time in recovery to get to a stage in my life where my cheque lasted for the whole month, without borrowing. That sure didn't work, and was a big wake up for me, on the second half of Step One. My life is unmanageable when managed by me. I could justify and rationalize anything and I learned when I got into that kind of thinking, I was acting on Self-Will, God had no part in it. I wasn't open to what He said, and as they say, I became constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself, even though I tended to blame my lack and life on everyone else. Someone was always at blame with no willingness to be responsible for my own decisions and life style.
Like the line about underspending allows me to be the martyr and victim. Again with the blame game, and I can't feed into it when it is projected onto me.