[MajestyJo]

Thursday, July 10, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Ending Relationships

It takes courage and honesty to end a relationship - with friends, loved ones, or a work relationship.

Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the relationship die from lack of attention rather than risk ending it. Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the other person take responsibility for ending the relationship.

We may be tempted to take a passive approach. Instead of saying how we feel, what we want or don't want, or what we intend to do, we may begin sabotaging the relationship, hoping to force the other person to do the difficult work.

Those are ways to end relationships, but they are not the cleanest or the easiest ways.

As we walk this path of self-care, we learn that when it is time to end a relationship, the easiest way is one of honesty and directness. We are not being loving, gentle, or kind by avoiding the truth, if we know the truth.

We are not sparing the other person's feelings by sabotaging the relationship instead of accepting the end or the change, and doing something about it. We are prolonging and increasing the pain and discomfort - for the other person and ourselves.

If we don't know, if we are on the fence, it is more loving and honest to say that.

If we know it is time to terminate a relationship, say that.

Endings are never easy, but endings are not made easy by sabotage, indirectness, and lying about what we want and need to do. Say what you need to say, in honesty and love, when it is time. If we are trusting and listening to ourselves, we will know what to say and when to say it.

Today, I will remember that honesty and directness will increase my self-esteem. God, help me let go of my fear about owning my power to take care of myself in all my relationships.

So true, I need to recognize old patterns and behaviours from my past. Some actions and wards are not acceptable to me in today, and the biggest need I need in today is communication, something that was very lacking in the past.

I also had to remember that I met people when I was using and in sobriety, I no longer have a strong connection and we have nothing in common with them. If I was in a relationship with someone who has my disease, I felt comfortable. When I got sober, living with someone who is still in their disease, is difficult and there must be a lot of love to stay with them, and Al-Anon helps to make a choice and come to a decision to go or stay. I try to ask myself, "What do I need for my Higher Good in today."