I think that all addictions (using something outside of ourselves to make us feel better and to take the focus off us) lead to the same soul sickness. Like so many addictions, the problem isn't the substance, it is generally me, my attitudes and old tapes, trauma from my past and the inability to face it and deal with it.
I qualify for just about any recovery room you want to put me in. Been there, wore the t-shirt. Because I am old, I was never around when they were passing around a lot of the drugs used in today.
Probably a good therapist would help, it would be really help if you could find one who had an understanding of the 12 Steps and how they work.
When you see a post here, just substitute your disease for the one posted. We used people, places and things to escape our reality. Doesn't matter how we did it, it is the intent and harm we do ourselves as a result of using that brings us to the doors of recovery.
I personally used alcohol, prescription drugs, alcohol, work, food, gambling, and men. Shopping and shop lifting are just other forms of addiction. I didn't think I liked shopping. Then I got honest, I don't like shopping without any money.
Know a little about where you come from as I go into our local jail and talk to men and women about recovery. For so many of them, it is the high, not on the drugs and alcohol, but in the stealing, not getting caught and what you got away with. The one time they land in jail doesn't matter, it is the times that they stole and got away with it that is the big draw and attraction. Several have shared that when they got out they would bo back and do the same thing again.
It is the same with the drugs and alcohol, we don't remember the 'negative' times, we only remember the good times. This time it will be different. It never is, even though we may get away with it or survive, there is always the remorse, the guilt, shame and the aftermath to deal with. Sometimes it isn't glaringly apparent in the moment but often reveals itself later on or it affects the loved ones around us although we can't often see them much less be aware of how our behaviour affects them.
I wish you well on your recovery journey.
